The Complete Military History of France

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

Gaul vs. Julius Caesar - Gaul defeated by Rome circa 49 B.C. (Rome defeated the early French swine - the Frenchies had to Hail Julius Caesar as their new leader)

To be fair, the Gauls did sack Rome before the above happened.

And the Normans had definitely become wussified during their time in Normandy; speaking French and all that really took its toll. And it's not like they were masses of Scandinavian colonists, either; they pretty much ruled the Frenchies who lived under them and the cultures melded.

My favorite French army anecdote was the description of the fighting prowess of soldiers in WWII: One British soldier was the equivalent of two (fresh to the battle) Americans or fourteen Frenchies!!! (Might not have been fourteen; maybe seven?)

The complete military history of Cuba?

Sure thing Thorondick, I'll include the stories of the Cuban volunteers who crossed the straits to help hold Louisiana during the Revolutionary War under Bernardo de Galvez, or the ones who fought under George Washington in his Continental Army. I'll also detail the time when Washington went broke and could no longer pay his armies, that's when Cuban women stepped up to the plate, after the rest of the countries in the hemisphere said "no", and donated their jewels and gold for the American cause.

Then, I'll detail how a buch of machete-wielding criollos fought and defeated the full might of Spain during the Cuban War of Independence, helping topple their empire.

One last thing.

There are a whole lot of people on this thread slamming the French, you direct your slam at me.

Once again, you stand exposed as the racist crossbreed that you truly are.

Polybius, did I miss anything?

Let me provide a not atypical Americans view concerning what to German eyes appears a paradox. Despite overwhelming propaganda to the contrary , I think most Amricans who have considered the issue, do not and did not believe Germany bore the blame for WWI to a significantly greater degree than the other powers. Americans held all Europeans in equal disdain. We were simply and finally forced to pick a side in order to end the carnage and disruption to world equilibrium. Americans were then greviously appalled by the manner in which our noble intentions were defiled by our allies at the conclusion of the war. Many Americans felt and feel that our great sacrifices in WWII stemmed in large part from this betrayal. We have twice brought Germany low, twice lifted France from the gutter. In the Americans view, France's privileges have been paid for in our blood and therefor doubly painful to see them used against our interest.

LOL!

I just don't think Cuba has a lot of room to criticize France or any other country for that matter. As cowardly as the French seem to be, and we must agree on that point, France would wipe Cuba off the map in a matter of minutes, were they to go to war.

America, as the finest, fairest, cleanest, wealthiest and freest nation in the world, DOES have the right to talk down at France. France has had its day in the sun, though long ago. But Cuba never has.

The reason is culture. When a people enjoy the culture of freedom, then they will be free and cannot be enslaved. If a people do not have the culture of freedom, then nothing can make them free. For an example, just look at every benighted morass of corruption, sloth, incompetence, disease and ignorance south of the U.S. border. Some of them have experimented with limited forms of democracy, but they always fail because their inferior culture cannot handle it. And their poor citizens want to escape to America, or Europe or anywhere else but their turd-world dump. The problem is that they bring their substandard cultures with them when they get to the land of light. And then they darken that land and the better people who accepted them there suffer a degradation of their own culture as a result.

Sad but true.

It is culture, sir. Culture is everything.

For example: Keeping in mind that Mexicans and Cubans and Puerto Ricans are not races and that there are many fine people to be found among them if one searches long enough, we could just clear the good old Americans out of Florida and California and give those states to the Cubans and Mexicans. We could leave them all the houses, cars, businesses and money. But it would do them no good. Inside of two years, the new "Floridans" and "Californians" would have turned those two states into corrupt, incompetent, disease-ridden, impoverished turd-world nightmares, complete with cardboard shantytowns and open sewage running in the streets. And then they would be storming the borders of the nearest American states to ruin those places too.

You see, people like to blame their misfortunes on everyone and everything else; Soviet failures in agriculture on bad weather, Cuban slavery-life, disease, incompetence and poverty on Castro, Mexican poverty on whatever, but the fact is that these countries have all the resources they need to prosper. What they don't have is a culture advanced enough to make them free, clean, responsible and prosperous.

Blame it on the people themselves. The proof is in the pudding and a tree is to be judged by the fruit it bears. The fact is that France, in its long history, has produced some great things and some great people. In some ways it has been at the forefront of the world's cultural and technological development (long ago, in writing, philosophy, architecture, art, etcetera). But not everyone stays on the top forever. Cultures fall.

But in some places on this big planet, cultures never arose from the pit. Perhaps they never will. But to see the primitives of the turd world lash out in feigned superiority at the truly superior grates on the educated mind. But perhaps I just don't understand the lofty accomplishments of machete-wielding, primitive agriculture, corruption, starvation and money donation. I guess Notre Dame Cathedral, the Statue of Liberty and the writings of Descartes pale in comparison.

Oh, well, call me backwards if you will. Or perhaps you can just keep on calling me a racist, a crossbreed, a liar and my mother a whore. Yeah, that will most assuredly refute my points and clearly show how advanced YOUR culture is, Mr. Gonzales.

Cuba by itself cannot match the accomplishments of other nations because it only was founded in 1898. Cuba then became one of the most prosperous countries in the hemisphere before Castro took over: http://www.123cuba.com/Economic-Conditions-Cuba.html
http://www.nocastro.com/documents/facts/fatherland.htm

The only thing that made Cuba go backwards is the communism of Fidel Castro which destroys any country that uses that tyrannical system.

But since Cuba did not have much time to develop since it was only founded in 1898 and the population very small compared to other countries, you cannot compare it to a France that has been around for centuries and a lot more populous than a small tiny Cuba. But what we of Cuba descent can do is look way back at our roots. Many of the Cuban roots are of Spanish ancestry. Like Britain, Spain used to be a huge, successful, rich, powerful empire. It expanded and explored. If you say France can at least look at its history then Cubans can too look at their Spaniard roots and see the history and the accomplishments the Spanish have accomplished. Just as France is not what she used to be as you say. The same is with Spain or Britain.

I am also proud of the Cuban-Americans in this country. They have become one of the most economically successful immigrant groups. You cannot just lump Cubans with Mexicans. I just read articles in the papers that Cuban-Americans have become so successful that percentages wise it matches Anglos in home ownership. 70% of Anglos own homes while 68% of Cuban-Americans own homes. And the average income of Cuban-Americans is very close to matching the average income of Anglos. Why is that??? That is the American dream. You give freedom to people who do not desire to become victims and they will flourish. Why do you think the leftists hates the Cuban-Americans so much??? These leftist supposedly love minorities yet Cuban-Americans are one of the very few they hate to death. Why??? Because Cuban-Americans did not come here and just be another victim but they wanted to become economically successful which the left hates. Plus, Cuban-Americans are anti-communists.

Also, Luis is allowed to criticize France because he is an American. Just like I am. We love this country dearly and defend it at all costs. Since it is our country we can criticize any country we want just like any other American.

Take care,
David

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