Posted on 02/03/2003 6:13:20 PM PST by softengine
A recent story floating around the variety section of a newspaper I still read occasionally reminded me of a conversation I had with a college girlfriend about six months ago. She's a pretty woman – slender, petite, well-educated and intelligent. She has an excellent, high-paying job and even owns her own house.
She is, in short, the epitome of feminist success. And yet, she is profoundly disappointed with her life. She has, in her own words, continued to stumble upwards while somehow missing out on the only thing she truly wanted – a husband and a family.
Nor is she alone, in anecdotal or statistical terms. Not only do the majority of women who were in our college social circle remain unmarried, but according Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman," a 30-something woman is three times more likely to be unmarried than her 1970's counterpart. While some might argue that this is a good thing, most demographics experts would disagree, as would, it appears, an awful lot of those 30-something single women.
While Whitehead correctly identifies the general problem, she is as clueless as the next feminist as to how to go about solving it. Instead of recommending that individuals change the one thing within their power – namely, their behavior – she advocates altering the entire system of courtship. Given this typically fascistic feminist approach, I am, of course, shocked that her six 30-something daughters and nieces all remain available.
But, as I told my friend, the root of the problem is that the kind of man she wants is precisely the man who is smart enough to stay away from her. Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men. Furthermore, the smarter a man is, the more he is likely to realize that being romantically involved with an intelligent, educated, upper-middle-class American woman steeped in 20 years of feminist indoctrination is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt.
Consider the premarital professions of the women in my social circle, all of whom are now stay-at-home moms happily married to intelligent, successful men: Farmgirl. Nanny. Teacher. Office manager. Nanny. Pipeline worker. Professional student. Church volunteer. That's eight quality men who won't be marrying a high-powered career girl right there.
The advice I gave my friend was succinct: In any given dating situation, think about what your instincts are telling you – then do the opposite. It's like football … if the run is getting stuffed, then throw the darn ball.
So, in the unlikely event there happens to be a 30-something single woman reading this, here are a few pointers which might be helpful while you wait for Ms. Dafoe Whitehead and company to change the dating culture:
1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege.
2. Your family has to put up with you. For everyone else, it's optional.
3. Southern belles always get what they want. Watch and learn, grasshopper.
4. Sex as an incentive is fair enough. Using its deprivation as a punishment will backfire hideously.
5. Mocking your man in public creates a no-win situation. He can either slice and dice you verbally, which is no fun for you, or keep his mouth shut and look like an idiot. In the case of the latter, it doesn't mean that you've won, or that he's forgotten.
6. Men love happy women. Act happy and you may discover how to be happy.
7. If there's a doubt, choose the most optimistic interpretation. That's what he meant.
8. Honey, honey, honey – a thousand times honey. Never vinegar.
9. Conflict is not passion. It isn't any fun, either.
10. Limit yourself to five complaints and demands a day. If you're not counting, you're over the limit.
11. If no one ever taught you the traditional arts, find an older woman to be your mentor.
12. Your feelings and objectively verifiable facts may be different. Learn to distinguish between them.
Now, I'm not saying that applying these principles to your dating scene will turn frogs into princes or anything, but they will get you in the game. And if all else fails, just tell your next first date that you're thinking of quitting your job and returning to your former career as an aerobics instructor. He'll be intrigued, trust me.
For all my outbursts and assertiveness, I'm still a die hard romantic, old-fashioned kind of gal.
At the risk of flogging your metaphor to death: you have to build a fire. If you want to have right now the sort of explosively incendiary passion you speak of, you can do that, but only at the risk of getting badly burned or waking up tomorrow morning to find that you're lying in a cold heap of burned-out ashes.
A small flame, if well-tended, can become a great fire. And with patience, care, and attention, the blaze will last a lifetime.
You are so right my dear, like you I do not believe in pre-martial sex.
When women started jumping from bed to bed, the fine art of courting was lost and the divorce rate skyrocketed and children starting living in one parent homes
It been said before but its true....LOVE WAITS
LOL! When I was a kid, my mom's purse ALWAYS smelled like Juicy Fruit!
All of you single, conservative women who live in the icy, lonely Midwest need to emigrate to California. Despite the state's reputation, there are a lot of single, conservative men who came here to work, but we are surrounded and outnumbered by legions of snippy little Barbara Boxer-wannabes with bizarre voting habits. Go West, Young Woman! We need you!
Bears repeating, thank you
As for the Juicy Fruit, my grandma's purse ALWAYS smelled like that! Then you'd ask her for a piece of gum, and you'd bit into a slice so stale that it would shattering into a billion pieces and crumble out of your mouth.
Amen to THAT!
Oh man, my ex-wife didn't get this at all and it led to mucho arguments.
Yup and wearin' purple
She is now a stay-at-home mom.
This guy must think that he can make water run uphill.
I think these two groups are vastly outnumbered by a third type: women who don't really do anything. They work, but don't like it. They like making money but don't have any real career ambitions. They don't know anything about keeping a house. They know nothing about politics except that Bush wants to take away their right to choose and Republicans are "mean". They are waiting for Prince Charming to take them away, but believe that 99% of all men are jerks. They don't read books that aren't written by Anne Rice or Danielle Steel. They believe "Sex and the City" and other television programs are models for how they should live their lives. They are pleasant enough on the surface, but there is no one home once a conversation gets going. They have a long list of criteria their "soulmate" has to meet, but forget that they have to be someone's soulmate in return.
Conversely, I think there are also more men like this than there are high achievers and slackers. The truth is, most people just aren't very interesting. rintense made the point about not wanting to settle for 50% or even 75%, but in the end if people didn't do that no one would marry at all! Everyone seeks that top 1% - it stands to reason that 99% never achieve it.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.