HAHAHHAAHA! I've been to Cali twice and hated it both times. Palm Springs wasn't bad, but the LA area was just another country altogether.
As for the Juicy Fruit, my grandma's purse ALWAYS smelled like that! Then you'd ask her for a piece of gum, and you'd bit into a slice so stale that it would shattering into a billion pieces and crumble out of your mouth.
Agree about LA - a town best avoided - but consider the San Francisco Bay Area (not the city itself). As I mentioned on another thread, since it is a financial center, it is surprisingly full of conservative single men who have moved (or been moved) to the area for their jobs. San Diego is a great area, too, and still quite conservative, as are Palm Springs, Orange County, and the Sierra foothills. And you won't freeze to death six months out of the year...
My mom kept her Juicy Fruit stash updated, at least - no stale pieces!
;-)