Posted on 11/19/2002 7:39:06 AM PST by EggsAckley
"There, their, my child," cooed the old school marm. "Your all right. It's just so easy to mix words up in yore mind.""You see, a lot of them sound alike, and are even related in meaning. But if your ever going to be a good writer, you'll have to learn the difference. Their three different words, you see, and they'res really a difference." "When you hear them, theirs a chance you can't tell the difference, but if you write them, you're readers will be confused by what you mean, if your using the wrong one."
"Their are times when you want to say long ago, and that word is yore. And then they're are times you want to say you are, and that word is you're. And what does that leave? Your means belonging to you."
"But that's not all; when you want to say belonging to them, the word is their, and when you want to say that place, the word is there."
"And finally, they're means they are."
"Any questions?"
series disturbing.
Including the majestik møøse
ACHTUNG - ALLES LOOKENPEEPERS
Das Machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren musten keepen das cotten-pickenen hands in das pockets - relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.
The above was apparently based on the following, original version, from the early 1960s:
Alles touristen und non-technischen looken peepers! Das machinkontrol is nicht for gefengerpoken und mittengrabben. Oderwise is easy schnappen der springenverk, blowenfus, undpoppencorken mit spitzensparken. Der machine is diggen by experten only. Is nicht fur geverken by das dumpkopfen. Das rubber necken sightseenen keepen das cotton-picken hands in das pockets. So relaxen, und vatchen das blinkenlights.
And here's the phony-English version the Germans use:
This room is fullfilled mit special electronische equipment. Fingergrabbing and pressing the knoeppkes from the computers is allowed for die experts only! So all the "lefthanders" stay away and do not disturben the brainstorming von here working intelligences. Otherwise you will be outthrown and kicked anderswhere! Also: please keep still and only watchen astaunished the blinkenlights.
Of course, this warning would not be complete without the Internet version:
Das Internet is nicht fuer gefingerclickend und giffengrabben. Ist easy droppenpacket der Routers und overloaden der Backbone mit der spammen und der me-tooen. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei die Dummkopfen. Die mausklicken Sichtseeren keepen das Bandwidth-spewen Hands in die Pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das cursorblinken.
Finally, the Palm Pilot version:
Das PalmPilot ist nicht fuer gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy scratch der Screene, zappen RAM, und droppen-smashen. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das Dummkopfen. Das rubber-necken Sichtseeren keep die Hands in die Pockets -- relaxen und watchen Das Blinkenlights.
Credit to: Annoyances.com
No, he's implying; you're inferring. LOL!
I'm with you. I'll take it one step further and say that another practice that slows down comprehension is using alternative spellings and clever nicknames.
Example:
Clinton appointed twenty-four friends of Hillary and five other Democrats to the travel office staff.
vs.
Klintoon appointed twenty-four friends of the Hilldebeast and five other dummy-crats to the travel office staff.
The former might not be as much "fun", but it is easier to read and quickly comprehend.
I think you meant noone (or, as some prefer, no-one)!
There was a young man from Nepal
Who fell in the spring in the fall.
'Twould have been a sad thing
had he died in the spring,
but he didn't; he died in the fall.
Did I pass?
Thanks so very much for that guidance. I'd never have known.
Dreadfully sorry about your medical condition...should have put some sort of disclaimer or warning, huh? This has been a fun thread! :)
The old "Schoolhouse Rock" short cartoons are out on DVD and VHS. They've held up pretty well over the years, and you can watch them and review your basic english, math, and science without looking like a complete dork. "Hey, I already know this stuff; I'm just being nostalgically trendy!"
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