USO Canteen FReeper Style ~ Letter to the Military Lurkers ~ November 12th,2002

Dear Military Lurkers

As you have now noticed there have been changes to the Canteen.
1st of all let me assure you that the Canteen is here to stay.
Due to circumstances beyond my control I have assumed the duty of running the Canteen.
I could not even begin to explain what happened on this or on any other thread.
HOWEVER feel free to e-mail me at seaside611@hotmail.com with any questions.

It is my intention to keep the original purpose of the Canteen on track.
That purpose is to show our support for the military, their families and veterans.
Please be assured that we stand firmly behind you.
May God Bless and Protect you, my Brothers and Sisters.

Kathy's cartoon reminds me of something that is sadly missing from the canteen, namely FOOD. Do you think, like pictures of unattainable hotties, that it would be cruel to post it here, when our troops are eating MRE's? Let's find out.

My brother, Dave aka Dud, told me that in his day, the USAF served enlisted men nothing but breaded okra and spam. I am not sure I believed him, but a pitiful story like that was usually good for some comfort food around our house.

His favorite was breakfast at the "Homeboy Cafe." In addition to pancakes, and bacon and eggs and grits, I make a mean batch of sausage gravy and biscuits. It's a southern thing. We just don't take cholesterol all that seriously around here. The breakfast itself wasn't all that special, it was just having the luxury of time...to get up late, to cook real slow...read the paper and stay in PJ's til noon, with the smell of warm cinnamon and the sound of Wylie Coyote falling off another cliff in the other room.

Dave's best friend, Mark, kinda looked like Wylie Coyote around the eyes. Mark was an only child, and there were seven of us, so naturally, when they came home they moved in with us.Mark was Thud. Dud and Thud. I don't know why. Doesn't everyone in the service come home with a nick- name?

Nowadays, my specialty is a pecan pie, made with pecans that have been soaked in butter and brandy, with chocolate chips scattered on top. I got the recipe from an elderly Methodist friend of mine, who loves to bake Rum Cake, but can't stand the thought of being seen driving through the liquor store...so being a wild presbyterian , I pick up a few shot bottles for her whenever the occasion demands. Purely for culinary purposes.

Let me know if you want me to stop.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of
your left arm as if holding a baby. Position
right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks
while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens
mouth pop pill into mouth. allow cat to close
mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind
sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy
pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in
left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a
count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from
top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between
knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls
emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly
with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into
mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat
vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another
pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler
and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side
for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie
on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to
humans, drink glass of water to take taste away.
Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another
pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto
neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with
dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic
band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door
back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and
check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw
Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree
across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed
into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last
pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table,
find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force
cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into
mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold
head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down
throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room,
sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Call at furniture shop on way home to order new
table.

... I don't expect to be hailed a hero...

But you ARE to so many here. Welcome!

Special Dedication
To our Military Members and Veterans
for Protecting and Defending our Country

"Hero" by Mariah Carey

MIDI version

MP3 version

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive
When you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth - that a hero lies in you!

Hi Dutchgirl. I think I know you. :) I owe you a FReepmail. How are you doing?

I'm well, thank you, As you can see, I accepted your invitation to hang out in the canteen. Now I know what you meant by scrap booking...but as Austin Powers says "it's not my bag, baby." I think I am too old and set in my ways to become really adept at HTML. italics and bold are pretty much the height of my powers and without my spell check, I come across as semi-literate.

How have you been? Did you read "the book?" (I can't say the author's name or someone will make me post a pic and I DON'T KNOW HOW). I was thinking of you the other day when my progeny scored a ticket to Hannity for me at the last minute. Also, although I am not gloating, a certain liberal member of my household did not vote.

It's good to see you here in your old stomping grounds. I know how special the military is to you. Living in Jax, I just haven't seen too many opportunities to FReep doves around here. You and I, my girl, live in a city of EAGLES.

Did you take the little one's to the Air and Sea Spectacular. I understand that Neal Boortz hwarfed spectacularly all over a Blue Angel's cockpit. I know that my sick puppies would have enjoyed seeing that!

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