If the above is true, it goes a long ways in explaining the lengthy discussion held above.
Rutgers does a masterful job on this and other issues. Their statistics and writing are clear and to the point. If you hit the URL above you will find additional data and conclusions about this topic. A job well done!
Regards, Ivan
Blue Zone women are condescending and mean. I'm beginning to think any woman (or man) who grew up watching American televison has absorbed too many poisonous values to make acceptable marriage material.
No Legal Representation....
False Accusations....
Freedom wrongfully taken away....
America's Divorce Courts, what me worry?
The risk is asymmetrical. Women often suffer in a divorce, it's true, but when they walk out they're gambling with his money and years of his career, not their own. They know they will be the ones to maintain custody of their children, and that they will have powerful control over the ex-husband's access. They'll likely get the house they now live in, especially if there are kids. With social barriers to divorce eliminated, it's not surprising so many women find this arrangement acceptable and split.
So marriage is a huge risk for a man. So, if you're going to take it, you ought to be able to answer a simple question: why?
I hate to say it, but it's not usual to find women who inspire the sort of trust the whole thing requires. I date a lot, and I find too many women who simply want a different lifestyle than the one they have. They seem to look at a future husband as not just a person with certain qualities, but a door into a new lifestyle: a husband provides them with things, money, social status, a family, and if she's lucky travel and other luxuries. It's understandable that these things matter, but so many women can't help but show they want these things and they want them now. The women I meet who are right about thirty are this way, at least. Too often they will express frustration way too soon in a relationship about how men won't "commit" and give them what they want.
I can't help but feel resentful. What were you doing in your early and mid-twenties, I wonder. And what's with the thought that now I'm going to fix all these problems now that time's running out? The women I have dated have been attractive, educated, and intelligent. They've also told me in great detail about the "jerks" they dated before. So they had opportunities to make things work out, but I can see what's happened. He wasn't "good enough", she was just so excited about X who was married, he was too "boring", she didn't want "to commit", whatever. Now, though, that they've been frightened by the calendar I'm supposed to make it all right. And I'm the "jerk" now if I don't commit right away!
What I'm saying is that a surprising number of women have a powerful sense of entitlement. They take for granted a man's willingness to support them and provide them the life they want. When they're younger, and in the bloom of youth, they have a wealth of options and feel no need to commit. When they're older, they figure all they need do is demand what they want and it ought to come to them. Either way, yikes! This is someone you want to entrust the state's powers of enforcement to when it comes to your future?
Not all women are this way, of course, but I'm telling you what I see a lot. Me and my friends.
I could write a lot more, but I've gotta run.
Reminds me of an old Mexican saying, "Do not dance on the table from which you must eat."
1. They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past
Evidently the guys in this survey don't know any of the women in my life!
2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying
Nope. I don't like 'living together' arrangements and would never do it. Also, I wouldn't court a young lady who had been in such an arrangement, or arrangements. Part of my overall policy (see below).
3. They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks
Nope. In an odd way, the best things in my life have started when I was set back to square one. If a woman took me to the cleaners, I'd at least be rid of here, be uncluttered, and I'd have the rest of my life to get it back, and more, as well as replace her with a fiesty young loyal woman. Hubba hubba!!!!
4. They want to wait until they are older to have children
Yea, I like that idea. Ideally I'd be older and more established, and my bride would be a vivacious young woman ready to build and manage a family - I ideally would like 4 children or so, maybe even adopting some.
5. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises
Nah - change is life. I don't sweat that. These guys are just selfish, immature, and self-centered. Lots of men and women are like that and use that line to cover it up. Think about it - it says "I don't want to consider another person's feelings/wishes in my decisionmaking!" Pretty selfish!
6. They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t yet appeared
Nope, I don't like 'soul mate' talk and think its one of the most unromantic and arrogant concepts out there. The idea that there is 'one' person out there predestined to make me happy takes both parties and their free will out of the equasion. I find the idea of genuine romantic admiration - the deliberate choice of one person above all others, as far more romantic. Keeps 'destiny' out of it. Also, I have spoken with enough floozies to know that 'soul mate' talk is a cop-out: they can't make decisions and long for one to be made for them. It allows people of both sexes to stall and not make decisons.
7. They face few social pressures to marry
True! I'm 34, have my own biz, just moved to vegas, and having fun! Many of my friends have been married 7-10 years already, and I tell you, my male friends do look at my lifestyle with some envy, if I say so myself (it's more the Saab than the women, though! Oh well, it's both!)
8. They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children
Yes! No previously married women, and no women with kids. Sorry. Not interested. I like never-married women, ages 22-27 or so, without much baggage - emotional or otherwise.
9. They want to own a house before they get a wife
Just the opposite - I live in a nice 2br apartment, just the right size for me to work on my business, have a nice life, and not live in a place that's 'too big' for me. I have an idea of the kind of home I want, of course, but I am deliberatly waiting AFTER I get married - make sure the bride will like the place and meets her expectations. I'm an old fashioned Sicilian man - it's my wife's home, I'll just live there! :-)
10. They want to enjoy single life as long as they can
Yes, true. But I do very much want a bride and several children someday - that time is coming soon. But no rush at all!
When I read this out loud in my office, all the married guys, unprompted, stood up and said, "WHAT BENEFITS?".
My version:
Why Men Won't Commit: All about the cows that are giving the milk for free.
1. Feminists are largely to blame. They encouraged sexual freedom, while not realizing that most guys are basically walking hormone bags and won't buy the cow if they can get the milk for free. Duh.
2. Most women I know are whiney and want it all. They cry at the drop of a hat (gee, thanks for the glass ceiling) and yet they want to be treated as "equals".
3. Women also are, ehh, weird and self-contradictory. They may want kids--yet if a guy will tenderly touch her while watching kids play or something, they'll be scared away.
4. Men aren't entirely free from blame. Most guys my age are, eh, rather taken with the frat-style lifestyle and that turns off a lot of women. Men need to shape up, too.
5. Men who do want to marry tend to be rather religious and therefore they don't want anyone except a woman who will stay in the house, stay uneducated and bear 7 children. So there's a kind of dichotomy out there for us women--either we can have this very traditionalist guy we wouldn't be able to stand, or this frat guy we wouldn't be able to stand. So the choices suck for women too.
I've got absolutely no illusion of ever finding permanent love. Jim, love's dead. Forever.
I have several friends my age (late 30s) who bought their houses while they were single guys. Now they are divorcing, and keeping their houses.
You would not believe the sheer venom dripping from some women's voices when I mention this fact to them. Their attitude is "How dare he own a house before he even meets them, then have the gall to keep it after their short-lived marriage!"
Oh, I must be out of touch. Do they still call them kids? I thought they were just bargaining chips.