The risk is asymmetrical. Women often suffer in a divorce, it's true, but when they walk out they're gambling with his money and years of his career, not their own. They know they will be the ones to maintain custody of their children, and that they will have powerful control over the ex-husband's access. They'll likely get the house they now live in, especially if there are kids. With social barriers to divorce eliminated, it's not surprising so many women find this arrangement acceptable and split.
So marriage is a huge risk for a man. So, if you're going to take it, you ought to be able to answer a simple question: why?
I hate to say it, but it's not usual to find women who inspire the sort of trust the whole thing requires. I date a lot, and I find too many women who simply want a different lifestyle than the one they have. They seem to look at a future husband as not just a person with certain qualities, but a door into a new lifestyle: a husband provides them with things, money, social status, a family, and if she's lucky travel and other luxuries. It's understandable that these things matter, but so many women can't help but show they want these things and they want them now. The women I meet who are right about thirty are this way, at least. Too often they will express frustration way too soon in a relationship about how men won't "commit" and give them what they want.
I can't help but feel resentful. What were you doing in your early and mid-twenties, I wonder. And what's with the thought that now I'm going to fix all these problems now that time's running out? The women I have dated have been attractive, educated, and intelligent. They've also told me in great detail about the "jerks" they dated before. So they had opportunities to make things work out, but I can see what's happened. He wasn't "good enough", she was just so excited about X who was married, he was too "boring", she didn't want "to commit", whatever. Now, though, that they've been frightened by the calendar I'm supposed to make it all right. And I'm the "jerk" now if I don't commit right away!
What I'm saying is that a surprising number of women have a powerful sense of entitlement. They take for granted a man's willingness to support them and provide them the life they want. When they're younger, and in the bloom of youth, they have a wealth of options and feel no need to commit. When they're older, they figure all they need do is demand what they want and it ought to come to them. Either way, yikes! This is someone you want to entrust the state's powers of enforcement to when it comes to your future?
Not all women are this way, of course, but I'm telling you what I see a lot. Me and my friends.
I could write a lot more, but I've gotta run.
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They were screwing around. Now they want out for a little rest and a sucker to provide a temporary nest to rest in.
Makes me think of a story:
The Perfect Man A woman decided to go on a quest for the perfect man. In her neighborhood and in her circle of friends, were many men who were fairly handsome, who had decent jobs, and who were gentlemen. But they were not perfect, so she kept looking.After many years of searching for him, she finally found the perfect man walking down the street. She went up to him and stopped him. She excitedly started telling him about how long she had been looking for him and how glad she was to finally find him.
After a minute, he interrupted her and said, "Excuse me, I'm sorry, but I can’t stay. You see, I'm on a quest, searching for the perfect woman".
And he continued on his way.
You, sir, did an amazing job with your post. I couldn't agree more with everything you said.
They've told you what they were doing, Timm. They were "dating" jerks (dating is, of course, a euphemism for what they were actually doing).
When I was young, we called a girl who "dated" a lot of men "ruined". It's still a good concept.