Girl bullies don't leave black eyes, just agony

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette ^ | April 10, 2002 | Jane Elizabeth

[buzzyboop]

ERIE -- To most adults, the typical school bully is the beefy kid who knocks the books out of the hands of the bespectacled ninth-grader in the hallway, or the hulking football player who tosses the swim team member into the shower stall.

[billybudd]

So what? Kids would simply switch to making fun of people's hair, looks, or for no reason at all, as the article mentions. Uniforms destroy individuality when we should be encouraging it.

[Dante3]

I can't recall which study--was done I believe in Price George County, Maryland--showed improvement in disciipline etc. after uniforms were started. You better believe there is conformity without uniforms such as having to buy the right kind of expensive brands, looking accetably cool. Uniforms would save money, time, and hassles over T-shirt designs and keep focus on academics instead of looking like Brittany Spears. Of course, after school one could wear whatever they wanted to.

I recall the students pouring out of Columbine, many dressed in tank tops and shorts. Then there were those who wore long, black coats and Nazi arm bands.

[Tuscaloosa Goldfinch]

I beg to differ. This stuff starts in elementary school. I am the mother of one of those girls in the middle group. She's pretty tough, having been through much worse before we adopted her at age 5. BUT ..... one of the mildest sweetest looking little girls in her class was regularly opening my daughter's lunch box and taking what she wanted.(I stopped it.) This child has also viciously excluded another girl in the class, by trying to get the other girls in the class to not include her, or invite her to anything. If one of the other girls in the class crosses this child by not complying with her wishes, then they get "the treatment".

I'm thinking of changing schools because of this child. The administration won't do anything because the child is careful not to let any adults see her behave this way. This is a private school second grade. I have no intention of letting my daughter deal with the garbage from this child for the rest of her school years.

I know there's lots of psychobabble out there, but some of you guys remember being bullied by some jerk out there, why is it so hard to think women might do it differently?

I'm not going to handle this like some liberal victim, I won't sue anybody or take steps like that, but I WILL handle it. My daughter will be moved to another school if this stuff continues, I'll take my private school dollars elsewhere, and they'll know why.

[Jerry_M]

Some things never change:

And GOD saw that the wickedness of man (and teen-age girls) was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his (or her) heart was only evil continually. - Genesis 6:5

[hcmama]

Bump to all you said. I have also found that some parents who were themselves unpopular in school, or for whatever reason, want to make sure that their kid is one of the cool crowd. They actually encourage a lot of this nonsense.

If I found out one of my kids were engaging in behavior like this, they would be sooo busted. And I would be personally devastated that I had somehow failed to teach them common decency and respect for others. Unfortunately, I think it is actually meaningful to far too many idiot parents out there that their kids are seen as "cool." They put more of a premium on that than raising a respectful, kind, decent kid.

[redhead]

"How would school uniforms help any?

It would stop kids from making fun of each other's clothes, or being envious of them."

Anybody who has ever been mocked or shamed for their clothing in school knows this is a real weapon in public schools. Today, it's fashionable to dress like a ragpicker, but you'd better have designer rags, or you are going to be humiliated in front of any friends you have. Junior and senior high girls have such a COMPLEX about clothing that its a wonder that all schools don't go to uniforms just to keep this psychological savagery from occurring.

[redhead]

Wow! That's a CLEVER post!! Thanks!

[wimpycat]

I wasn't bullied too often in school, except maybe in the 5th and 6th grades, when it was much more overt and unsophisticated, including physical intimidation. Starting in the 7th grade, that's when it started getting more subtle.

It's hard for me now to remember the mentality of a 10-12 year old girl. I do remember, and I think it's important for everyone to remember, that for most pubescent girls, 12 and up, how powerful an effect rejection can have on these young girls. Just a sneer or an ugly look from a classmate can totally humiliate a young girl.

So I was bullied to a certain degree, and sometimes I would go along with the bullies and pick on other kids (on the school bus), or at least laugh at the poor kids. I seriously needed my tail whipped on a couple of occasions, and if I met any of these people today, I'd apologize profusely.

The main bullies in my particular situation were two girls in my neighborhood. One had an alcoholic father at home with a terrible temper, and the other had a mother who owned a bar and had a string of boyfriends (one of whom molested her) and left her and her younger sister home alone alot. Her older sister was well known as a slut. One time I and another friend were enjoying time off from school due to a big snow, and we found that bully's little 5 year old sister outside by herself playing in the snow with no coat, sweater or gloves on. Another time, this little sister's hair got so natty from never being combed that they cut it all off. Anyway, this particular bully was bullied herself by another group of kids, who would always call her mother a whore (she owned a bar frequented by prostitutes). The bully with the alcoholic father, she got sexually involved with a guy over 18 when she was 14 or 15, then after her parents divorced, she moved away and hooked up with this other older guy, had a baby when she was 17 and became an alcoholic. She ended up marrying this guy, having another baby, then she stopped drinking and got her life halfway in order.

[LibertarianLiz]

I tell ya, the whole article is a bunch of feminazi, touchy-feely psychobabble, but I DID go through this all through school, and it really, really sucked

Hell, it doesn't stop at HS graduation. I have met many, many bitchy women while in the workplace. Women, in general, are simply nasty to other women --- and, age doesn't matter.

[wimpycat]

Hell, it doesn't stop at HS graduation. I have met many, many bitchy women while in the workplace. Women, in general, are simply nasty to other women --- and, age doesn't matter.

You're right about that! I've been lucky enough to avoid the catty, soap-opera atmosphere women can create in the workplace, but my husband had a job that was a real Peyton Place.

For some women, the bullying and manipulating never stops, but thank God most of us outgrew it. I call these adult bullies "Drama Queens", who thrive on turmoil and intrigue and weird forms of "revenge". I simply don't put up with it as an adult.

[wcbtinman]

Thank you for post 7.

'Nuff said.

[Don Myers]

bttt

[the_devils_advocate_666]

With boys, bullying incidents can be intense but they're usually short-lived and easily forgotten.

"If a boy doesn't get invited to the movies by his friends," he might be angry initially, said team leader Katie Allison, "but the next day, they're all out skateboarding."

I have never understood the ability of a female to hold a grudge for so long. I've seen so many guys get into arguments, fights, etc., then the next day they're out drinking beers together like they've been best friends for life. Maybe it is just me, but for whatever reasons it sure seems like men have an easier time getting over it, whatever "it" might be, than women.

[A Ruckus of Dogs]

Uniforms destroy individuality when we should be encouraging it.

So making boy scouts and cheerleaders wear uniforms destroys their individuality? C'mon. Uniforms would save the parents loads of money and the trouble of having to buy a 5 day wardrobe every season for growing kids. There are many practical uses for uniforms in a variety of professions and organizations.

[Mamzelle]

These nasty and manipulative females grow up to join the PTA, hoping to relive the glory days of their seventh grade nastiness. In three communities, I've tried joining PTAs to try to help teachers and to hopefully keep a closer eye on what happens to my kids during the day.

Three times, I've ended up leaving because the leaderships of these organizations is straight out of junior-high Queens of Spite. Any similar experiences out there?

[jlogajan]

some of you guys remember being bullied by some jerk out there, why is it so hard to think women might do it differently?

You have to remember that not everyone was bullied -- some here were the bullies. Some here probably still are bullies -- in the muted style of the adult.

So you can't really expect them to denounce what they were and still are. They blame the victim. It works for them.

[jlogajan]

Isn't it amazing how some people can be so different out of highschool. Some never grow up. But many, probably most, do reform. It's good you were able to hook up with this old nemesis and become friends. It does help heal the old injuries.

[Darnright]

"My 14 year old daughter and her little group of friends know exactly what the bully girls are all about and ignore/avoid them with disdain. They know what these girls really are: sluts, hoochie mamas, and ultimately LOSERS."

Heh, heh. What she said.

[SpookBrat]

I'm happy to hear she got her life in order. That was a lot to overcome. Thanks for sharing that.

[RooRoobird14]

These nasty and manipulative females grow up to join the PTA, hoping to relive the glory days of their seventh grade nastiness

ROTFLOL!!! A lot of those women also ended up working in my company's call center (LOL).

I've never been a PTA or Girl Scout leader mom--too many pushy snippy soccer moms (former bullies) running those organizations!!!

Having gone into engineering, I thankfully spend my working days around college-educated men. Most of the men are as geeky as they were in high school (LOL), but all in all, geeks are very nice people.