My sympathies to all who have suffered due to socialist programs and cultural assaults that have undermined the institution of marriage and the security of the family unit.
Children are the future. The 20 year old of 30 years ago has the maturity and self-reliance of an adult of 30-40 today.
Helplessness, dependency and victimhood are the mindsets instilled, policy is sculpted to ensnare all into a formula that assures that you must play, must suck blood just like the others to stay alive.
I would say that the need to overhaul this situation is at least fifty years overdue.
I know a couple who, after 14 years of marriage, the husband has a mid-life crisis, tells his wife he wants a divorce, and proceeds to dump this on their daughter in the car without any warning;
Or my daughters' friend, whose father took out a second mortgage on the house, left his wife and two young kids, and shacked up with his girlfriend;
Or my former aunt who used her son as a pawn in the divorce, lying and manipulating him. His mother said she would kill herself if he told the court he wanted to live with his dad.
I suppose that I am the lucky one. My father never married my mother and, when she told him she was pregnant (she was a college graduate in her mid-20s, he about 10 years older, divorced), he told her to have an abortion. She told him she wouldn't, and he skipped town. Actually, left the country for ten years so he wouldn't have to pay for me or his daughter from his first marriage. My mother did everything on her own with, thank God, help from her parents who stood by her the entire time. So, we didn't get a dime from my father. And now, after I tracked him down when I was 19, he doesn't understand why I don't want a relationship with him if I went to all the trouble of tracking him down. First, I wanted him to know that I EXISTED and second, I wanted to see him because half of me came from him.
What is the problem with people? Why is it so easy for some people to leave their families? I know that not all marriages are destined for bliss. Maybe that's part of the problem: we need more and better pre-marital counseling. We need to treat marriage as a Sacrament, an oath between husband and wife and God. We need to make it harder to divorce (unless, of course, there is physical abuse). We need to help families stay together because families are the backbone of our society. Without families, western civilation will fall.
Just my two cents. I know everyone has a story. I turned out just fine, and I love my mother more than I could ever tell her because I know that she sacrificed for me, and I hope that I can show my own children through my actions how much I love them, like my mother did.
A great help in these matters is holding out for the right judge.
One Friday morning there was a couple in court ahead of me bickering over the visitation schedule, which had never been put in writing and they were tossing accuastions back and forth at each other.
The judge got so fed up with hearing the trash talk that he held both of them in contempt and had the bailiffs handcuff each one. He then proceeded to tell them :"You're going to be put in adjoining cells on the detention level and your going to stay there until you have both worked out and signed a visitation schedule, which I'll approve. I'm leaving after lunch and won't be back until Tuesday. If you don't have me something by lunch, you'll be there all weekend plus Monday because I'm the only person who can get you out."
I thought that was pretty cool of the Judge to lay it on them like that.
My dad left us when I was 8. He did pay though. But the damage to my life and development was just as bad. I don't care how bad you think your marriage is, if there is not abuse, stay together, for the kids. That's actually a song name ,from blink 182. Now days, all these punk and hard rock bands usually have at least one song about their dad leaving.
A muslim.
If we fail to pay child support the custodial parent has a government agency to get the money for the parent with no out of pocket expenses.
Um...then how about just paying the child support. Problem solved.
If we fail to return the children to the custodial parent at the end of the visitation I can be charged with Kidnapping, which is a felony.
Um...how about returning the children after the agreed upon visitation. Again, no problem.
However:
If the custodial parent ignores the court order and refuses to allow visitation as ordered, we are forced to retain an attorney to have the case tried, which takes time and money. The police department will not enforce the court order. The courts require a petition filed (which can take months and be very expensive). Social services will not help either.
You lost custody for a reason, unless you had a totally inept lawyer. If you did, simply go back and get your kids back.
My ex, "deadbeat mom of the millenium" complains as much as you. However, never fought for a second to keep the kids.
Sorry...I have no sympathy.