Posted on 02/21/2002 8:32:12 AM PST by Saundra Duffy
Divorce is bad enough - a bloody nightmare - but what happens to families in the aftermath of divorce is even worse. I was pretty ignorant on the subject until my son was faced with the most God awful challenge of his life. The following is from a web site created by a husband and wife who are outraged and hurt over the entire process. Thanks, FReepers, for reading about and contemplating these issues.
I am writing this letter to tell the country about a cruel injustice and blatant discrimination that is going on in the U. S. right now.
My wife and I are both divorced with children from a previous marriage. We have both been granted Joint Legal Custody of our children and are both named the Non-Custodial parent. We are ordered by the court to pay child support every month, and the Custodial parent is ordered to allow visitation.
Here is the injustice:
If we fail to pay child support the custodial parent has a government agency to get the money for the parent with no out of pocket expenses.
If we fail to return the children to the custodial parent at the end of the visitation I can be charged with Kidnapping, which is a felony.
However:
If the custodial parent ignores the court order and refuses to allow visitation as ordered, we are forced to retain an attorney to have the case tried, which takes time and money. The police department will not enforce the court order. The courts require a petition filed (which can take months and be very expensive). Social services will not help either.
Furthermore, the most the custodial parent can be charged with is Contempt of Court, which is a misdemeanor.
Where is the justice in this? One parent has a government agency to protect them while the other parent has to retain an attorney, wait months, and hope to be granted a new court order, that the custodial parent can also ignore.
Money due for child support can be collected any time, but the missed days of visitation can never be replaced.
It is not just the parent that suffers either. The child is robbed of time with their other natural parent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings. And the family members of the non-custodial parents suffer as well.
Lately there has been a lot of talk about "Dead Beat Dads", but no talk about the other parent, the ones who love their children and cherish every moment they get to share with their kids.
Even though we have Joint Legal Custody, we do not have joint legal rights or protection. The current laws need to be updated so that the other parent gets the same protection from the government.
We are urging everyone that has had a similar problem, known someone with this problem, or just thinks this is unjust, to write their congressman and senators demanding a change in the laws as well an agency for the protection of the other parent. In all fairness we deserve the same rights and protection the custodial parent has.
You can also write us and we will forward your letters to congress and senate.
"THE OTHER PARENT"
c/o Robert J. and Marie A. Baker Jr.
4615 Port Tobacco Rd.
Nanjemoy MD 20662
Names and addresses are optional but we will require a city and state so we can forward the letters to the correct politicians. If a name is included it will be held in the strictest confidentiality. All letters and E-Mail we receive will be used only for the purpose of lobbying Congress. Some may be posted on this board if permission is given in writing.
The email address is: rrrrbrt@bellatlantic.net
Would that it were that easy: My parents were married 23 years prior to the events I described above.
My sympathies to all who have suffered due to socialist programs and cultural assaults that have undermined the institution of marriage and the security of the family unit.
Children are the future. The 20 year old of 30 years ago has the maturity and self-reliance of an adult of 30-40 today.
Helplessness, dependency and victimhood are the mindsets instilled, policy is sculpted to ensnare all into a formula that assures that you must play, must suck blood just like the others to stay alive.
Most people don't get married with the intention of it being temporary.
True story: I worked for a judge several years ago. A divorcing couple was seeking to have the court judicially divide their community assets. They, of course, were ordered to list everything they owned. Included in their list of possessions that they were fighting over: 20 plastic coat hangers; one 50 foot garden hose (green); two 50 gallon garbage cans (one blue; one green); 37 Louis L'Amour Paperbacks; and (here's the real kicker) one five-pound bag of M&M's (plain).
Thank God they didn't have kids.
I hear you, my friend. I've been down the same road.
'Screwed' is a more decriptive word.
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