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To: Saundra Duffy; all
We have all heard awful cases in divorce, and those who suffer the most are the children. It sounds cliche, but it's true.

I know a couple who, after 14 years of marriage, the husband has a mid-life crisis, tells his wife he wants a divorce, and proceeds to dump this on their daughter in the car without any warning;

Or my daughters' friend, whose father took out a second mortgage on the house, left his wife and two young kids, and shacked up with his girlfriend;

Or my former aunt who used her son as a pawn in the divorce, lying and manipulating him. His mother said she would kill herself if he told the court he wanted to live with his dad.

I suppose that I am the lucky one. My father never married my mother and, when she told him she was pregnant (she was a college graduate in her mid-20s, he about 10 years older, divorced), he told her to have an abortion. She told him she wouldn't, and he skipped town. Actually, left the country for ten years so he wouldn't have to pay for me or his daughter from his first marriage. My mother did everything on her own with, thank God, help from her parents who stood by her the entire time. So, we didn't get a dime from my father. And now, after I tracked him down when I was 19, he doesn't understand why I don't want a relationship with him if I went to all the trouble of tracking him down. First, I wanted him to know that I EXISTED and second, I wanted to see him because half of me came from him.

What is the problem with people? Why is it so easy for some people to leave their families? I know that not all marriages are destined for bliss. Maybe that's part of the problem: we need more and better pre-marital counseling. We need to treat marriage as a Sacrament, an oath between husband and wife and God. We need to make it harder to divorce (unless, of course, there is physical abuse). We need to help families stay together because families are the backbone of our society. Without families, western civilation will fall.

Just my two cents. I know everyone has a story. I turned out just fine, and I love my mother more than I could ever tell her because I know that she sacrificed for me, and I hope that I can show my own children through my actions how much I love them, like my mother did.

45 posted on 02/21/2002 11:15:09 AM PST by Gophack
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To: Gophack
My nine-year-old daughter and I are in a very similar situation. (Father wanted me to have an abortion, has never seen her, has never paid a penny of support (he's educated, a Chiropractor and owns a house in Los Altos, CA. Every day I pray that she will not have to suffer the consequences of my sin. She is very happy and a lovely Christian girl. Can you tell me how it was that your mom broke the news to you about your father. I have told my daughter that I behaved like I was married to her father when I wasn't (she understand that this is sin), and that her father didn't want me for a wife. But she is starting to ask more questions (of course), and I am uneasy about how to appropriately answer her (I do not want to devastate her, although I think I have used wisdom thus far, to begin to prepare her.)

My mother home schools my daughter, by the way, and she lives with my mom and dad. I almost live with them, as I am over there every day and tuck my daughter in bed every night, and have her for the weekends, but we found that it is more "peaceful" if I can have a place to go (I have a little apartment about 5 minutes away from my parents' house) if we hotly disagree about something (occuring less and less frequently).

I hope my daughter turns out as lovely and respectful of his mother and grandparents as you are!

53 posted on 02/21/2002 4:00:20 PM PST by The Grim Freeper
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To: Gophack
"I turned out just fine." Yes you did. Thank God.
62 posted on 02/22/2002 9:55:00 AM PST by Saundra Duffy
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