Its okay Rachel ... we wouldn't want your "get" polluting the gene pool anyway, you selfish moron.
Look under the phrase "odious selfish b*tch" in Webster's Dictionary, and you'll see her picture.
Posted on 01/02/2002 6:49:27 AM PST by dead
Is it really so hard to understand, asks Rachel Roberts, that there can be more to a couple's relationship than having children?
I am one of a growing number of women who will elect not to have children. And at least in my experience, the decision to not have children isn't one that is met with much enthusiasm.
From the family, there are comments like "But don't you want us all to have kids playing together at birthday parties and barbecues?" and "I've just always thought that part of a couple's life together is having a family".
From friends, there are protests like "But you'd make such great parents!" or "You've had such a good family life, don't you want to re-create that yourself?"
On the whole, though, the standard response is scepticism. Brush-offs. "Oh, you say that now, but wait till you turn 30!" And "I thought that, too, when I was your age but, trust me, that biological clock really gets you."
Well, I am fast approaching 30 and I have never been surer that I don't want children. My partner feels the same. We have thought about it a lot and have decided time and again that no, it's not for us. We don't want to be woken up at all hours to attend a screaming infant that knows only the need to suck. We don't want to sacrifice our time and energy chasing death-defying toddlers or taxiing around teenagers who have recently learnt to hate us.
More importantly, neither of us (me, especially) wants to see my body torn asunder during childbirth. We already love our life the way it is, child-free. And that is why the brush-off response interests me the most.
It's as though those who either have, or some day want, children refuse to recognise other possibilities in life. They are mentally closing off to paths different from their well-worn one. Particularly for women, it seems that in the face of all political and cultural change, we can always rely on some things staying the same.
Thirty years on from second-wave feminism, people are still incredulous of the woman who declares she doesn't want to be a mother.
Feminists have long argued that the social and political resistance to women who choose to remain child-free reflects a far deeper cultural anxiety about what is expected of women. Traditional femininity is inextricably bound up with notions of mothering, nurturance and birth.
Since day dot, motherhood has been viewed as the natural female career. And now, thanks to an enduring belief in biological determinism, the desire to bear children continues to be seen in terms of instinct, as a drive that is universally hard-wired into the female psyche. To be a normal woman, we must at least want children, even if for some reason we cannot have them.
Yeah, yeah, I hear you say, we've all done Feminism 101 - tell us something we don't know. Well, having experienced the reactions couples meet when revealing that they do not want children, I suspect there is something more at play than simply challenging the traditional ideology that surrounds women. Certainly a woman who elects not to have children is treading a less orthodox path. However, it's not just the woman's decision to not have children that disturbs convention, but the man's as well. As partners they upset traditional understandings of what heterosexual love is about. Why do I think this? Well, when was the last time any of us saw a romantic film where one lover whispers to the other "I love you so much, darling, I never want to have your baby!" It just wouldn't seem right.
From wedding ceremonies to popular culture, we are saturated with the idea that children are the symbol of a man and woman's love for each other. Undoubtedly the outcome of their physical union, children are moreover portrayed as the embodiment of a couple's emotional bond. The place where a man and woman's DNA and souls enmesh.
Having children remains integral to our contemporary mythology of love and desire, and those couples who reject parenthood disappoint our romantic expectations. They let us down by not making what is seen as the ultimate declaration of heterosexual love.
So perhaps that is why society shrugs off couples who don't want children. Perhaps the sceptical comments from family and friends reflect an unwillingness to accept romantic defeat. At the very least, it shows a distinct lack of imagination when it comes to recognising signs of love.
After all, for couples like us, the real romance is in being child-free.
Rachel Roberts is a freelance writer.
I was wondering about this reference too. I got the feeling from the rest of her words that her "partner" is not a male.
Well, if you love only yourself, and don't love the baby, I suppose that's how it could look. For me (father of two, by adoption), I wouldn't have missed the 3 A.M. feedings for the world.
Mythology? Having children, that is acting on the desire to have children rather baser instincts, denotes a certain mature attitude that there are things in life as important or more important than self.
Yes, all except for the part I wrote about sex. In my experience, men with no nurturing instinct don't make any better husbands than they do fathers.
Its okay Rachel ... we wouldn't want your "get" polluting the gene pool anyway, you selfish moron.
Look under the phrase "odious selfish b*tch" in Webster's Dictionary, and you'll see her picture.
Better pull that money off the table Red because, if her life is anything like mine, you'll lose it. It always starts with THE QUESTION(tm). You go to a party or family gathering, or run into somebody you haven't seen in a while this is what happens pretty much everytime: if it's somebody you don't see often they look at your finger to see if you're still married those connected to your life skip that step, then they ask if you've had kids yet, you say no, they ask when you're planning on kids, you say never. Then the lecture starts. It's always somebody else that brings it up and it's always somebody else that turns it into an issue. If people would just accept the answer and talk about something else they'd never have to hear about why we don't want kids.
At least this stuck-in-adolescence nutball offers the rest of society somecomfort and reassurance in her opening sentence.
Perhaps feminists are like cicadas, but with a 70 year cycle. They reproduce sparsely, die off, then don't re-emerge until human memory of their irritating screeching has subsided. The problem is that this generation's crop has been particularly destructive. Hopefully, this will leave the next generation of feminists less to feed on and the population will trend downward for the next few cycles.
However, there is a double standard, even though these guys won't admit it. Since women are supposed to be maternal, they are selfish if they don't want kids. Men who don't want kids are just being.....men. In divorce court, however, men are supposed to have the same instincts to nurture a two year month old as most women, and should be able to take that newborn off of mom's breast.
When this woman doesn't appear any more selfish than men for her choices, perhaps that day will come. I pray our culture doesn't sink that low.
Is she saying that her ideal man won't love her if she puts on a few pounds during pregnancy? Ummmm...I'd be worried about my relationship with any many who says `Honey, lets not have kids because you'll lose yer girlish figure'
She seems like a complete narcissist to me. If she doesn't want to have kids fair enough, but I'd like to see the statistics of the `growing number of women' who, at her age and in their early 30's, don't want children.
I know I fall into this age bracket (I'm 29), and I know I certainly (while holding down a progressive career at the moment) can't see myself fully satisfied in life, if I don't at least try to have children at some stage. :-)
Rather ironic commentary coming from a homosexual.
Well, thus far, my four will pay for my social security. Hubby and I are adopting some kids from overseas, however, and expect them to grow up to be good, law-abiding productive citizens. I'll let you know when they grow up. :)
I don't know...it seems safer for kids in general if parents KNOW who all publicly professes "hate" for all children.
I used to hate bad behavior in kids, and confused that with a strong dislike for kids. When I got older and HAD kids, I discovered I LOVE kids...bit I STILL hate bad behavior.
Why do married people tell their single friends to get married?
Because misery loves company.
That being said. COntrary to popular belief I do have a nurturing instinct. One I use to share my experience and try to help friends, coworkers and even people here on FR. I just don't like kids, never have and as I get older and my patience wears thinner it looks pretty likely that I neve will. And if I change my tune I'll join one of those organizations that helps kids (like Big Brothers or the YMCA) to try it out before taking any step so permanent as getting my wife pregnant. But at this juncture a tune change is well beyond imagining and not much worth contemplating.
There's such balance in nature.
That's the core of it, right there: there's never a shortage of know-it-all busybodies, is there? I get similar flak because I'm a bachelor. It is assumed that I am "selfish"; never mind that the reason I'm a bachelor is because the women I've asked have turned me down. Conservatives persist in viewing me as some kind of "swinger". Don't I wish!
The bottom line is that too many people can't mind their own damn business. Too many people don't believe in freedom or in the idea that individuals should choose their own lives.
That is how it is spelled (sceptical) in most English-speaking countries, including Australia.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.