If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

JD86 | 12/06/01 | JD86

[JD86]

If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

I'm an attorney who helps clients with estate planning and other money matters, but I won't claim that I "know it all". I need Freeper advice.

I once had an elderly client who always told his family "When I die, everything you need is in the manila folder". When he died, we searched high and low but we never did find that folder. As a result, it took years to settle his estate.

That shouldn't happen. I am putting together a booklet for my clients - a checklist of sorts - to help them keep track of important family information.

I'm asking for your suggestions. What would you include in such a checklist?

First - the practical. Doctor's name, where's the will, your desires regarding any minor children ... what else?

Second - the emotional. Would you tell your children you are proud of them? To stop smoking? Dump their lousy mate? What else?

Is there anything you would change about what your parents did? Have you made a checklist yet? If so, what's on it?

Also, if you are incapacitated but don't die, what then?

I have a client who has all her medications listed and taped to the inside of her kitchen cabinet and all her family knows where to find it. Do you have any other ideas like that?

Thanks to all in advance for your suggestions. Please post or send me FreeperMail.

[JD86]

Bank advised it, so I did it. They said it's a good idea to have the name of a relative on the account so that they would be able to have access to what is in there immediately after my death.

AArrg.....this is what drives lawyers crazy...:) Okay, let me try to comment here. First the bank teller is not a lawyer. What they told you is probably right in your state, as far as it goes. I am not going to second guess that part. But, having another name on the account also may mean that your account is vulnerable if the other person gets sued....like has an automobile accident or has a tax levy....your money can "go away" for the other person's action. NOW, I AM NOT telling you to change it. In your case, it may not be a lot of money....and the risk of future garnishments on your son may be very small versus the need for him to have access to instant cash. Only you can make that call. The reason this issue drives lawyers crazy is because the bank only told you half the story, the good half. I personally like my clients to know both sides of the story first...then they can make informed decisions. Also, let me say in defense of your friendly bank teller. I am certain they were trying to help you. They just don't know what they don't know. That's what I mean when I say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I hope that helps.

[JD86]

Another thought, ask your local attorney if they have POD accounts in your state. That's Pay On Death....if so, that might be the best of both worlds for you. You son would have no claim to your account while you are alive (and neither would his creditors) but the account would immediately transfer to him on your death. No wait, no probate in my state. Check to see what the law is in your state. (Sometimes these accounts are called TOD, Transfer on Death.) Good luck.

[JD86]

One thing to think about when you are considering guardians for minor children is who would best take care of them and raise them with your standards and values in mine....and who would be a good person to look after the child's assets. This may not be the same person. In most states you can appoint different people for different functions. If you sister is wonderful with children, a loving mother figure but terrible with money, let the children live with her.. but make your other sister or your brother who is great with financial matters, in charge of the investments. Ask your local attorney if this is possible in your state. It is something to think about.

[Hot Tabasco]

Do them a real favor and tell them the truth: Tell them no matter what they do they are going to need a stinking attorney who will probably charge at least $145 an hour, never return your calls and will end up with more than the heirs. Also tell them that you are a very nice guy right now but when it comes time for you to handle the estate, you are going to be that above attorney.......

[jude24]

computer passwords

Good one. Friend of mine (we were both in college) died in a car accident... for months his mother was unable to use his brand-new powerful computer because no-one knew the password (Win2k). Finally someone figured out what it was.

[JD86]

Thank you for sharing your opinion of my profession. Fortunately for you, I do not practice in Michigan and will not be providing you with any legal advice at any time for any price.

But just so you know, I have earned from $5,000 for an hour's work to no charge for a divorce for a homeless person, and everything in between. Ad whether it was the $5,000/hr or less, my clients have never complained about my work or my fees. You don't know me. And your opinion of me is really none of my business.

[JD86]

Thanks for the reminder that not only "older" people need to think about these things.

[Twins613]

Also tell them that you are a very nice guy right now but when it comes time for you to handle the estate, you are going to be that above attorney.......

A piece of information for you .. JD is actually a very nice lady. In the meantime, take a look at what's actually been posted on this thread. It involves people being kind and civil to each other. Perhaps you had a bad experience with an attorney. But please don't judge someone you've never met who is trying to help others.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

This is an excellent topic = thank you for bringing it up.

Everyone has posted what I would say - except this. (Maybe it was said - I didn't read every single reply).

When my mom died, we searched and searched for letters she said she was writing to each of her four children. We never did find them. I don't know if it's because she never managed to finish them - and didn't want to give us unfinished letters - or if they got locked away somewhere private and we don't know where - maybe we will come upon them one day.

This made me think that I want to have a letter to my beloveds - to each of them - somewhere safe - and tell them where it is - so if something happens to me - they will have something to read and reread for years to come with my thoughts of love and life to them. One thing that will be in my letter to each of them will be about the great goodness of God, despite whatever evil happens in this world. It will be about the HOPE - the Certain Hope - offered to each of them through Jesus Christ (some know HIm, some don't) with some of my favorite and most meaningful Bible passages. That's not all that will be in my letter to each - but it will be part. And, thanks to this thread, I will start on this project right away!

[JD86]

Thanks for sharing. My grandfather kept his letters in the family Bible. We knew to look for them there. I hope you find your mother's letters someday.
They will be precious to you.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Agreed. Wish we had had a family Bible for her letters. But we did not. Yes, they would be so very meaningful if we could find them.

[JD86]

Even if you have just regular letters from your Mom, I would recommend you hold onto them. This summer I was sorting and throwing things away...and found a letter my grandfather had written to me at my first apartment when I was 21. He has been gone for 29 years now....but just seeing his handwriting again and remembering when I received that letter...it was like yesterday. Memories are forever.

[Mo1]

A bump for later reading

Interesting topic .. My father died when I was 7 yrs old .. I learned from watching my mother what I not to do ..

Your suggestions above are good .. especially the letter .. just in case .. you forget to tell someone that you love them or some jerk neighbor what you think of them but never had the nerve when you were alive .. lol

I'll have to think some more on this topic .. BBL

[nopardons]

Exactly so. When one is in a comma, it is too late to make any decissions.

[celtic gal]

In our case, we have asked two people if they would act as executor/trustee. We asked that they think carefully about the request before making a decision and if they agreed, and later could not fulfill the obligation to let us know so we can make changes. How much an executor gets paid for services is up to the individual making the trusts or will or what ever instrument they elect. Not everyone is wealthy and has a great deal while others have complicated estates. After seeing first hand what happened to a family friend and that family relations problems that developed later coupled with what happened with my aunt and uncle's estate and my own parents, I firmly think that there is too much opportunity for problems, not the least of which is hiding written instructions which are included but not necessarily notorized.. how does one know if that sort of document is withheld? My brother happens to be a lawyer who was the one who advised and took care of my parents trusts. Everything was held close to his vest despite the fact that my dad told me I was to have a copy and there were " to be no arrguements" whatever that meant at the time I did not know/ It puzzled me. Years laTer I found out!!! While statements and accounts were prepared fully, there were things that were done which I feel should not have been done. True, it was the parents estate and they can do as they choose but when there is the appearance that influence was used....it leave questions and hard feelings. It is too detailed to go into here but because of this, I have taken my brother out of the postition of executor of our estate and a good friend who is also a lawyer, has agreed to do the honor for us.

[JD86]

Thanks to all who posted a response or sent mail. I learned alot and hope all of you did too.

[dansangel]

BTTT for a wonderfully informative thread!

[JD86]

Thanks!

[nopardons]

My pleasure. This is an important thread ! You are the one who has done a great service for those of us on FR .

[Professional]

MFS Mutual Funds has an article titled: A Checklist: what you need your survivors to know

It has 3 pages of information, and one with references of all sorts of articles and associations.

My clients were real happy to get it from me.

Trust me, it's exactly what you're looking for.

Call your broker, MFS, or Freepmail me your address and I'll mail it to you.