Vanity: Worst Baby Names

11/26/01

[Phantom Lord]

Alright, this is a total vanity. I didn't post it under "Breaking News" so relax.

My mother and aunts have been pestering my wife and I about when we are going to have children. Lately, we have taken to coming up with the worst possible names for babies and telling them we are considering names first. Well, they get real upset with some of them and even get angry with us for even considering them.

My mother in law is coming down for Christmas and it is inevitable that when she, my mother, and my aunts get together they will gang up on us about having kids. So, what I need from my fellow FReepers is a good list of really bad baby names to suggest to them as names we are considering. You help and creativity is greatly appreciated.

Oh, the last name is Terwilliger if that helps at all.

[Physicist]

You must know somebody named "Asabee".

[patent]

Sounds good to me, but don't rule out Englebert.

patent

[Anticommie]

Abdul, ayatollah, mohammed, etc.

[ghostcat]

Then theres some old family names "Otis" "Hieronius". How about some action names like "Flash", "Zap",or "Legs".

[wideawake]

That little girl who was unfortunately drowned by her evil mother a few weeks back was named Signifagance (in exactly that spelling).

I worked with a guy named Yakuthiel Gibbons once.

At the same job there was a woman named Milady Jeffers.

I did repair work for a lab which was co-managed by a guy named Farhang Farhangfar.

I competed in a spelling bee against a kid named Harold R. Dickenschitz.

One of Jeffrey Dahmer's victims had the first name Konerak.

I met a coworker of my buddy's whose name was Joop Farder.

How're those?

[RooRoobird14]

If it's a girl, I suggest "Walterine" (That's the most GAWD-awful REAL girl's name I've ever heard.)

I heard "Walterine" from a caller on QVC. The host didn't know how to respond other than exclaim (with horrified look on face) "My, what a lovely name!" ROTFLOL--I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes!!!

Other horrifying real (not made up) girl names:

Ludmilla (remember that world champion gymnast?)

Orancha (as in the tennis star. sorry, even in Spanish, that's a horrendous-sounding name)

[Jhensy]

Oh, and in my sophomore dorm in college there was not only a guy named Ted Frankenstein, there was also a Bong Chin. Swear to God.

[zeaal]

Oprah ... yeah, avoid.

[TADSLOS]

Brittany
Chad

[wimpycat]

My husband and I have had these same conversations with my in-laws. No pressure about having kids, but mostly about coming up with the most outlandish names possible. You can use the following names we considered, with our compliments:

1. Tariq Terwilliger (Gibraltar is actually derived from the Arabic for "Tariq's Rock"--gibral-al-tariq, or something like that)
2. Tamerlane Terwilliger
3. Attila Terwilliger
4. Genghis Terwilliger
5. Percival Terwilliger
6. Adolf Terwilliger
7. Destiny Terwilliger
8. Quantum Terwilliger
9. Clodomiro Terwilliger
10. Yochabel Terwilliger
11. Enoch Terwilliger
12. Salome Terwilliger
13. Caligula Terwilliger
14. Lucifer Terwilliger
15. Nero Terwilliger
16. Vladimir Terwilliger
17. James Carville Terwilliger
18. Oswald Terwilliger
19. Sigfreid Terwilliger
20. Augustus Terwilliger
21. Julius Terwilliger
22. Pierre Gustav Toutant Terwilliger (as in General P.G.T. Beauregard)
23. Horatio Terwilliger
24. Joaquin Terwilliger
25. Menachem Terwilliger
26. Wilbur or Orville Terwilliger
27. Ophelia Terwilliger
28. Othello Terwilliger
29. Macbeth Terwilliger
30. St. John Terwilliger (pronounced 'sinjun')

[brazos.357]

I believe that Madison is over used, that's why I named my daughter Maddicyn!

[Physicist]

Place names are popular; how about "Hoboken"?

[DonQ]

This is extremely un-PC but, depending on your family's ethnicity, you might consider "ethnic" names that are very decidedly not your family's ethnicity. If, say, you are Afro-American, "Jefferson Davis Terwilliger". If your family is Jewish, you could come up with "Adolf" (tell them you were fond of old-time actor A. Menjou). Etc.

[Zorobabel]

For the boy Percy. For the girl Bertha.

[Exeter]

Funny you should mention the latter. A few years ago in the Jackson, Ms. phone directory there was an Arabic gentleman who took an English name (Jones) while keeping his original birth name, Shi'thead. You guessed it, it was listed in the phone book as Shithead Jones. Ma Bell ended up changing his phone# to an unlisted one because of all the crank calls he received. It created quite a stink (pun intended).

[JoeSchem]

What's wrong with Seamus?

Shame on you for naming your child 'Shame Us!'

[wideawake]

There was a high-end vegetarian restaurant in Manhattan a few years back called Nosmo King.

[Constitution Day]

PL,

That is true. My wife is Jewish also.
When my wife got pregnant & we found out it was a girl, I wanted her middle name to be after one of my (living) grandmothers, Annie and Marie.

I was told that is not acceptable.

We compromised on Chloe Anne.

Another "worst" name to consider: Tallulah! (like the actress Tallulah Bankhead)

Can you imagine the reaction to "Tallulah Terwilliger?"

FRegards,
CD

[RonPaulLives]

Didn't mean to chime back in here so quickly, but these names all reminded me of my nephew's interesting full name:

"John Wayne Jewell"

[gumbo]

'Cody' strikes me as awful, and the excessive use of 'Madison' (pretentious?) of late is starting to get to me as well.

'Dylan.'

And 'Cody' and 'Madison' are vulgar and snotty at the same time.

Even worse: pretentious "unisex" names, such as Taylor/Tyler.

How many obnoxious little "Tylers" are running around these days? (Hope I haven't offended any FReepers with that comment, but jeez, what bad taste.)