Vanity: Worst Baby Names

11/26/01

[Phantom Lord]

Alright, this is a total vanity. I didn't post it under "Breaking News" so relax.

My mother and aunts have been pestering my wife and I about when we are going to have children. Lately, we have taken to coming up with the worst possible names for babies and telling them we are considering names first. Well, they get real upset with some of them and even get angry with us for even considering them.

My mother in law is coming down for Christmas and it is inevitable that when she, my mother, and my aunts get together they will gang up on us about having kids. So, what I need from my fellow FReepers is a good list of really bad baby names to suggest to them as names we are considering. You help and creativity is greatly appreciated.

Oh, the last name is Terwilliger if that helps at all.

[JoeGar]

My wife once taught a little kid named Lemonjello, pronounced Luh-mon'-juh-low. Also, there was a high school kid here whose first name was Shithead, pronounced Shuh-theed'.

[Cheesehead in Texas]

During my first pregnancy I worked for a Norwegian company and told my Norwegian collegues that if the twins were boys I would give them Norwegian names . . . Od Per

We told my German mother-in-law the baby would get a German name, Gunter or Gisela.

The second pregnancy we picked out Scottish names . . . Morag or Lochiel.

By the third pregnancy, no one listened to us anymore.

By the way, the answer to "When are you going to start having kids?" is either "When are you going to stop having kids" or "I don't think it's very charming to announce my reproductive plans socially." Say both with a tranquil smile.

[VRWC_minion]

Trent for a boy

Hillary for a girl.

[riley1992]

LOL. If we are not related we should be.

Try Hildagard for a girl and either Omer or Emmett for a boy. Those are sure to be crowd pleasers.

[Sloth]

Johann Sebastian Terwilliger

[zeaal]

Sorry if this has already been posted (no time to read entire thread this afternoon) ... Please avoid DAN, TOM, PETER or Katie.

[PBRSTREETGANG]

Adolph Osama Dahmer

[irish guard]

This is not meant to be offensive, but in his early years of practicing medicine, my dad used to deliver babies in Chicago in the 40s and one mom named her daughter Placenta.

[independentmind]

For boys you could try to match those names with Biff, Buff, that type of thing, but nobody gives a boy a name like that. Perhaps Rupert? Logan? Chase?

How about Aloysius or Elwood? [Both names are in my family tree.] :o)

[KC Burke]

Had a freind years ago whose cousin, with the last name of Organ, named their child Randolph. Claimed it was a family name, but you can do the diminutive on that. Knew a guy in business for years in Kansas City whose name was Richard Oder...and yes, he went by "Dick." (Gospel truth)

My own cousin's name is a silly short slang word, and he always said that he would name a sone something sensible, like "Ace". So I'm goning with that...with a last name like yours, Ace would be awsome. He may break all your golf clubs to get even though....

[Exeter]

If it's a boy--Festus.

If it's a girl--Zelda.

[Jhensy]

Knew a guy in high school named Horst. He was a big, tough guy, but in our neighborhood of mostly Italian and Irish kids, he came in for much ridicule. "Your name is Horse??"- every single person he ever met, probably to this day. I also knew a girl named Angelina Configliardi.

[Dakmar]

Oh, yeah, like 'Dog' would be such a great baby name. (Ok, Dakmar wouldn't be too cute either, except for Viking babies) :-)

[Cyman]

A schoolteacher friend had a little girl with the name Placenta ( NO b***sh**t). When asked, she stated that she heard the doctor say it during her delivery and thought it sounded beautiful.

[brewcrew]

No kidding, there was a woman who delivered twin girls via C-section a few years back in Milwaukee. Was still out of it from the anesthesia and was checking out the menu at the same time the nurse was asking her if she had given any thought to names for the girls. She saw a choice on the menu of either lemon jello or orange jello, and decided on the spot to name her kids Lemonjello and Oranjello (stress on the second syllable). She thought they were the most beautiful names she had ever heard. What a putz.

[cibco]

How about... Upyur Terwilliger

[Loopy]

I would have to assume so. I lived in NO for a few years and am a born Yankee. People told me the stories about these bizarre names given out by some people. I didn't believe them, (like Nosmo' King above which I have heard but don't believe), then one evening after work, I was driving out of the parking garage and handed my money over to the attendant and noticed "Aquanetta" on her name badge. Could hardly keep from laughing. Went home and told the wife, but by the time I got there I couldn't remember the name only that it was one of those "funny names" I had heard about. A few weeks later, I went back their after hours with the wife to do some shopping and there she was wehen we left. "Aquanetta."

[Martin Tell]

Hulga for a girl's name (extra points if you can id the (literary) source for this name).

[Xenalyte]

A few of my non-favorites.

For the men:
Adolf, Buford, Chester, Cletus, Delbert, Dwayne, Earl, Ebenezer, Elmer, Ernest, Eugene, Felix, Floyd, Gilbert, Herman, Jake, Joshua, Lloyd, Melvin, Oliver, Oscar, Ralph, Wade

For the ladies:
Agnes, April, Bertha, Beulah, Dorcas, Doris, Edna, Fay, Gertrude, Hannah, Hazel, Henrietta, Josephine, June, Martha, May, Mildred, Minnie, Myra, Myrtle, Norma, Olive, Opal, Pearl, Priscilla, Rose, Ruth

[Aquinasfan]

Padonna.

I have a friend who's a doctor who asked the mother why she named her child "Padonna."

The reply: "You know, Madonna with a P."