Topsy-turvy Turbans Ruled Out By Mullah Omar

news.telegraph.co.uk ^ | 22 Nov 2001 | Alex Spillius

[AdrianZ]

Topsy-turvy turbans ruled out by Omar

By Alex Spillius

(Filed: 22/11/2001)

IN a typically eccentric rallying cry to his Taliban forces, Mullah Mohammed Omar has issued an edict to his officials and soldiers demanding that they wear their turbans straight.

Turbans, which the Taliban require all men to wear or face a beating, are not be worn to one side or too far back, he ruled. To do so is "vulgar and un-Islamic".

The 42-year-old spiritual leader of the fanatical Islamic movement issued the notice after receiving reports that topsy-turvy turbans were becoming commonplace, said officials at Spin Boldak, a town in Taliban-held Afghanistan a few miles across the border from Pakistan.

The notice is posted on a board at a branch of the foreign ministry and all other government offices.

It is written in Pashtu, his native language, and signed personally, "Mullah Mohammed Omar, Amir-ul-momineen", or king of all believers.

It declares: "You should strictly adopt the Islamic law of the Prophet Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him, in every aspect of life including dress, especially the turban. Wearing the turban crooked is not acceptable to the sunnah (laws on dress and demeanour). For 1,400 years we have been wearing beard and turbans. Some people say these are new things but it is not true."

The edict is typical of the leader's sometimes eccentric but always authoritarian Islamic zeal.

His notorious bans on leather jackets, white paper bags (in case they were made with pages of the Koran), music and kite-flying still apply in provinces under Taliban control.

Mullah Omar, who founded the Taliban, or students, in 1993, has always held complete command over the militia by a mixture of erratic, quasi-mystical announcements, unwillingness to compromise and his credibility as a man of stringent faith.

[ChadGore]

The mad mulla

[Joe 6-pack]

He's now at the point madness depicted by the revolutionary leader in Woody Allen's Bananas, who, upon siezing power, orders all men to wear their underwear on the outside...

[rightisright]

OK, it certainly sounds like Mullah Omar is setting up the inevitable 'insanity' defense when he goes on trial at the Hague

[RightField]

OK, we're up to post #24 now, and it still needs to be said:

All your turbans are belong to us.

There!

Back to the turkey & dressing!

[DainBramage]

"Yoooohooo Omar.....!"

[JCG]

He then jumped naked on a pogo stick and began to sing "Mairzy Doats and Doazy Doats" in Pashtu and breaking crockery over his head.

Not Mairzy Doats in pashtu.  Those little lambs eatin' ivy will never be the same again.

America's Fifth Column ... watch PBS documentary JIHAD! In America
Download 8 Mb zip file here (50 minute video)

[Don Joe]

"white paper bags (in case they were made with pages of the Koran)"

How would the illiterate fool know? Oh, that's right -- he wouldn't. No wonder he outlawed white bags in general -- it's the only way he'd have of telling.

BTW, have there been many documented cases of people making paper bags out of pages from the koran? Seems like it would be a lot of work, and a waste of scotch tape and staples.

[Capt_Hank]

ROTFLMFAO... Thanks, I need that laugh. Too full.

[Cleburne]

I'm going to wear my turban, which is multi-colored and plastered with white paper bags, upside down and skewered towards Rome. Ha!

[irish_lad]

Wasn't it ZZ Top that stated "Girls go crazy for a sharp dressed man?"

[Don Joe]

Ever see "Bananas"? Your excellent mockery reminded me of the part where the lunatic dictator declared that the offical language was to be Swedish, everyone over the age of 18 was to change their underwear every half hour, and to assit in enforcement, they had to wear it outside their clothing, and effective immediately, everyone under the age of 18 is 18.

[Don Joe]

I see you got there before me. The perils of replying before reading the entire thread. I'm incorrigible..

[AZ Repub]

Maybe Geraldo can give us the rundown on the different styles of turbans. What do they signify - if anything?

[aomagrat]

good compaison

[Joe 6-pack]

"I see you got there before me."

If it's worth saying once, it's worth repeating...

[Justice]

The notice follows recent proclamations by Mullah Omar in which he condemned the practice of playing the nose harp, mating with kangaroos, and use of the diphthong "sh." Last week, in a "vision," he reported that Allah had instructed Muslims to wear their BVDs over their heads, using the legholes for their eyes and the fly for a breathing slot. He also ordered that all animals be dressed in burqas so as to "avoid the enticement of a finely turned hoof." He then jumped naked on a pogo stick and began to sing "Mairzy Doats and Doazy Doats" in Pashtu and breaking crockery over his head.

This provided me with a deep and prolonged belly laugh. Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving!

[Charles Henrickson]

His notorious bans . . . white paper bags (in case they were made with pages of the Koran). . . .

Koran Wrap?

[Charles Henrickson]

. . . the part where the lunatic dictator declared that the official language was to be Swedish. . . .

An excellent choice, I must say.

[Charles Henrickson]

Topsy-turvy turbans ruled out by Omar

Not true. This is a turban legend.

[freebilly]

Topsy-turvy turbans ruled out by Omar

So, he's not letting his players go to their rally caps. They'll never make it to the playoffs at this rate.