26 Things the Movies have taught us

a friend | 9-29-2001

[Cagey]

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

20. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."

21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

[PJ-Comix]

Before about 1965, bathrooms had sinks and bathtubs but NEVER any toilets.

[Ichneumon]

When breaking into song, a full orchestra will accompany you (but be completely invisible)

...unless it's a Mel Brooks movie (e.g. "Blazing Saddles", "High Anxiety").

[Recluse]

it mysteriously swerved and hit a fire hydrant.

Of course the fire hydrant broke off and water shot 50 feet into the air???

[PJ-Comix]

Columbo opening the door again to ask you "just one more question" means that you're GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!!!

[Pukin Dog]

The 777 will do the touchdown on it's own, pull the reversers, set and modulate the brakes, pop spoilers, count down ground speed, bring up the flaps and engage nose gear steering if you want it too.

In 5 years, I want to be the first First Officer, to put one down at an airfield with a naked flight attendant in my lap, appreciating the turbulence.

[Temple Owl]

ping

[Temple Owl]

Yo Riley, I didn't see and I am enjoying it.

[Tribune7]

Can you post the Dr. Suess one about when a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port?

Just kidding. I enjoyed the post. Seriesly.

[balrog666]

Uh-oh. Are all those old Crevo threads now open to be corrupted?

[Dad was my hero]

Tape recording devices (tape recorders or VCRs) will always make that high speed whirring sound when fast-forwarded or rewound, and when rewound (hey wait a minute, go back to that) they always go to the exact spot desired rather than too far or too little.

I wonder what they'll do when recorders begin going digital.

[Hildy]

If a murder is committed and the only two suspects are a drug addicted street person or the CEO of a billion dollar corporation, the CEO is ALWAYS guilty.

When entering a mountain cabin, even when first arriving, the fireplace will always be roaring.

[squidly]

When making a purchase, no one ever waits for their change.

[Igraine]

There's no need to use "hello," "goodbye" or other pleasentries when on the phone, just bark "yeah" when you answer and hang up when the other person's finished talking.

[Zebra]

All high schools' have girls' showers that are easily accessible to mass peeping, which, when inevitably discovered by the gorgeous, 28 year-old student bathers, becomes hilarious to them, as well.

[Valin]

I wonder what the CEO would like if he uttered more than one line? :-)

[Hildy]

The cell phone routine! Did you see that horrible movie, THE THREE KINGS....The premise was so ridiculous, but then...they find themselves in trouble in an underground bunker in the middle of the middle east and in the bumker is a pile of CELL PHONES! Of course, the batteries are powered up and the guy calls his wife in the States. I was watching the movie in a hotel and turned it off after that scene.

[Hildy]

Yes, the correct terminology is: THE DOOMED EXTRA. If a character you've never seen before gets transported to the planet along with the regular gang, you can be guaranteed he ain't comin home.

[who_would_fardels_bear]

You need to watch "Falling Down".

There's a great scene where Michael Douglas calmly walks along a sidewalk while someone is shooting at him with a Tech-9 ... and never hits him.

[MinuteGal]

In the yuppie apartment kitchen scenes, the guy is always tossing a salad and the gal is always stirring spaghetti sauce. The mandatory loaf of french bread seen poking out of the bag when he entered is never seen again.

Later, when she and he are fleeing the villains, she's the one that trips and sprains her ankle, not him.

Leni

[hambran]

To post 31.
Do you notice that the fake glasses they use are flat lenses. They reflect a lot of lights at any angle. They should make blank lenses convex which doesn't reflect light so much. Notice that when the subject turns his head there is no change of the background thru the lens as it would be with a perscription lens.