What You’re Not Supposed To Notice

The American Conservative ^ | March 29, 2012 | Rod Dreher

[fwdude]

As we are all told, it is wrong, wrong, wrong to stereotype gay men as sexually insatiable and indiscriminate. If you have a negative or even somewhat critical view of gay male culture, you are not entitled to notice things like this Salon article. Excerpt:

If you’ve ever pulled over to a rest area, you’ve been near men having sex. I’m one of those men, I’ve done it a hundred times; we go into the woods or a truck with tinted windows, in a stall under cold light. It never stops, not for season or time. In the winter, men trudge through snow to be with each other, in the summer, men leave the woods with ticks clinging to their legs. Have you ever stopped at a rest area and found it completely empty? There’s always one man there, in his car, waiting to meet someone new.

This has been going on for a long, long time. The new ways that men meet — endlessly staring into phones, searching on hookup apps like Grindr or sites like Manhunt — haven’t changed the fact that we’re still having sex at rest areas, because they offer something different. For the man who is unsure of his sexuality, or unsure of how to tell others about it, for the man who has a family but feels new desires (or old, hidden ones) unfolding inside of him, the website and the phone apps are just too certain of themselves. They’re for gay men who want to have gay sex. Sex at the rest area, instead, abolishes identity; there’s a sort of freedom there to not be anything – instead, men just meet other men there; men who want the same sort of freedom.

The writer celebrates having sex in the bushes and public bathrooms as an existential act:

After awhile I began to develop a strange feeling at rest areas, like I was giving myself to someone. Not that I gave my full self, but that the part of myself I did give was complete. There was no pretense, no awkward conversation or dancing around whether or not I should be attracted to somebody. There was no wondering if someone was straight or gay; there was no sexual orientation at all. We were just there, together, as ourselves.

Years ago, a gay friend showed me a copy of a popular gay travel guide. It included listings for gay bars, gay-friendly hotels, gay-friendly restaurants and attractions. The usual. But it also included information about the best places for men to go to have anonymous sex in public. I thought that was so bizarre. But this was presented in the guidebook as if it were a normal thing for the gay male traveler (but not, of course, lesbians) to want to know about a city.

What I don’t get is why it is only permissible within our media culture to observe things like this guy’s celebration of the rest-stop liberty if you find it something worth celebrating, or at least morally neutral. If you read this and make a negative judgment on this guy and the culture that celebrates his kink, then you are some sort of bigot. In the past, gay friends who want nothing to do with this kind of thing have told me there’s intense pressure within the gay male community not to criticize it, at the expense of being labeled “self-hating,” or some sort of Uncle Tom.

The same dynamic happens when it comes to thug culture and young black males. It is fine to observe thug culture and celebrate its transgressive qualities (valorizing “bitches,” “hos,” pimps, murder, materialism, and so forth), but you can’t look at it and say, “That’s a degenerate way of looking at the world and other people, and anybody who embraces it is messed up.” That would be bigoted.

It all reminds me of my 16 year old self dressing up in New Wave gear, and going to the grocery store in my hometown. If anybody stared at me strangely — which would have been natural, given that most teenagers here didn’t wear get-ups like mine — I seethed inside over how prejudiced, how judgmental they were. But if they didn’t seem to notice me, that bothered me too. For teenaged me, the only acceptable response from others was some form of, “Wow, you’re so cool, you’re such a rebel. I admire you for attracting the scorn of others. They only show how bad they are by judging you negatively.”

Well, I grew up. Most of us do. And growing up means coming to understand that there are consequences for the choices we make. Of course people may judge us unfairly, but we can’t expect to defy social convention and avoid all consequences for our freely-made choices. It may strike you as unfair that the corporation you’ve applied to work for makes you put on a suit and take the ring out of your lip in the workplace, but honestly? Nobody really cares. Because we are social creatures, and have evolved to be social creatures, conformity to a certain degree is inevitable. If you don’t wish to conform, if you wish to despise and reject society and its morals and conventions, you have that right. But own it. You can’t tell ordinary people to go to hell, so to speak, and then expect them to not pass judgment on you. You can get away with that when your 16, if you have parents who love you and are willing to tolerate your nonsense, knowing that it’s just a phase, but the act wears real thin. If you dress like a thug, for example, you should not be surprised when people judge you a thug. If you seek out anonymous sex in rest stops and a significant part of your culture considers that normal and even positive, you should not be surprised when people outside your culture form a negative opinion. That’s how the real world works.

And yes, if you wear a Confederate flag on your shirt and walk into a black neighborhood, or even just into a public place where people may not appreciate the semiotical nuances of your garb, you should not be surprised when people think, however mistakenly, that you’re a racist redneck. That judgment, though, is acceptable in mainstream media culture, in a way that scorning Rest Stop Guy or Thug Teen wouldn’t be. Some rebels are more rebellious than others.

UPDATE: No, I’m not saying that Trayvon Martin brought his killing onto himself by the way he was dressed, if that’s what you’re thinking. I actually have no idea how he was dressed, other than the hoodie. I have a hoodie myself. My white, small-town, middle class 13 year old niece wears hoodies. That means nothing.

[kearnyirish2]

We have a few “scenic overlooks” off some main highways (either overlooking the mountains in western NJ or NYC from the cliffs on the NJ side of the Hudson River); they aren’t “rest stops” per se (no facilities), but they are like magnets for the freaks - probably more isolated/less monitored than full rest stops. As for the cities here, the regular parks are probably too dangerous at night; our deviants don’t tend to cluster in cities as they might in NYC or LA.

The highway cops will still arrest them for open sexual acts; I believe the city cops have “stood down” in any areas where they were meeting.

[VTenigma]

Unfortunately we have become a lawless society for many (not all) reasons cited in the piece. In the list of lawless behaviors those discussed here are far down of those that will be attended to first.

[kickstart]

Way back when in the 1980’s I belonged to a fishing club, but I did not have a boat. Just before sunrise I was waiting at a commuter parking lot for a buddy to pick me up for a bass tournament. A guy I didn’t know drives up in a nice car and asks me if I am looking for a friend. I said I was waiting for a buddy. He gives a sad puppy dog look and drives off. I was naïve back then. Took me a little while to figure it out.

[sauropod]

.

[Salvey]

I have asked them directly if they would take advantage of an opportunity to become heterosexual ... Both of them said yes and I have no reason to disbelieve them.

I had a good friend who was homosexual. He frequently lamented that he wished he were straight. He was tormented by his inability to have normal urgings and normal relationships. He recently took his own life.

[central_va]

No parent ever said this: “Wow this is great!!!! Our son just came out of the closet and told us he was gay. We are so proud and excited!!!”

[Salvey]

There’s a park in Washington, DC (I don’t recall its name) which was referred to as “Turkey Park.” Why? Because there’s a gobbler behind every bush.

[Psalm 73]

Homosexuality, like abortion, is a lie from the gates of hell.

[Yosemitest]

Trayvon Martin got killed for no other reason than because of the way he ACTED !
It's just that simple !

Home schooling is the ONLY way to go.

Start with teaching your children the FACTS that liberals despise.

Its like "Holy Water" against these "life-sucking", "life-destroying" vampires.

First show them that

"Fulton abandoned the kid when he was 3.
His step-mother brought him up.
The father moved on to woman 3.
12 years later she DUMPED him back on Fulton.

The step-mother said
he didn't use bad language when he was with her
so we can surmise he went wild with Fulton.
She identified his scream in court, but she had no way of knowing.
They pushed the step-mother into the shadows, the only real mother he ever knew."

Then show your children these links:

Trayvon should NOT have told George Zimmerman:
while trying to grab George Zimmerman’s gun ... saying, “tonight you die, ************”’
Trayvon should NOT have gone for George Zimmerman's handgun.

Trayvon should NOT have pinned George Zimmerman down on the ground.

Trayvon should NOT have broken George Zimmerman’s nose.

Trayvon should NOT have given George Zimmerman two black eyes.

Trayvon should NOT have repeatedly slammed George Zimmerman’s head on the pavement.

Trayvon should NOT have gotten suspended from school for possessing traces of marijuana.

Trayvon should NOT have stolen 12 pcs of ladies jewelry, and a man’s watch.

Trayvon should NOT have kept a flat head screwdriver described as “a burglary tool”, in his backpack.

Trayvon should NOT have had a criminal past of theft, hiding and acting suspicious.

Trayvon should NOT have encouraged ... fellow thugs to commit murder with the tweet, “Plzz shoot da #mf dat lied 2 u!”.




Trayvon should NOT have had a police record FOIA Sunlight And More Trayvon Martin Police Records.

Trayvon should NOT have had Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin for parents, who didn't discipline their unruly son, when he needed it.
Then they refused to admit to themselves, at each step along the way toward this disaster, that their son, Trayvon Martin, had a real problem and needed professional help!

Had the situation been handled different by Trayvon Martin, he might still be alive.
For instance, what if it had gone like null and void suggested ?



TRAYVON MARTIN: - Hey, are you following me?

GEORGE ZIMMERMAN: - Ummm, yes.

TRAYVON MARTIN: - May I ask why?

GEORGE ZIMMERMAN: - Well, uh, we’ve had a number off robberies in this neighborhood lately, and I don’t recognize you...

TRAYVON MARTIN: - Oh, well, I’m Travon Martin, I’m spending the summer at my uncle’s in unit 12.
I expect you’ll see a lot of me this summer.

GEORGE ZIMMERMAN: - OK, thanks, good to know.
I’m George Zimmerman, by the way.

They shake hands.

TRAYVON MARTIN: - No, thank you for keeping an eye out for your neighbors!




Sybrina Fulton versus Alicia Stanley:
"... Trayvon Martin’s father, Tracy Martin, met Alicia Stanley about a year before his official divorce from Sybrina Fulton.
The son of that marriage, Trayvon Martin, became the step-son of Alicia Stanley-Martin, after Tracy and Alica were married.
Alicia has two daughters from a previous marriage, so the family was, what has become all too familiar and normal in the modern world of disposable spouses’, blended.
Trayvon was 3.

Trayvon and his two step-sisters formed a family with Tracy as father, and Alicia as mother.
Tracy and Alicia were married for 14 years.
However, as with the jump from Sybrina to Alicia, so too was the jump from Alicia to Brandi Green.
The disconnect in emotional bond happening well before the physical, and legal, dissolution of marriage.
Tracy began “messin’ around wit'” Brandi about 2 years before he divorced Alicia.

However, between the time Trayvon was around 7 years old, up to the summer of 2010 when Trayvon was 15, Alicia was his Rock. His mom. ..."

But since when have DemocRATS ever cared about the truth or justice ?

Don't forget the FACTS !

[fuzzylogic]

...and how many male flight attendants are gay?

Every wondered why?

[OldSmaj]

If you read this and make a negative judgment on this guy and the culture that celebrates his kink, then you are some sort of bigot.

Well, I guess I'm some sort of bigot.

Keep it in your pants, perverts.

When it comes to this sick and totally dysfunctional crap, my compassion disappears.

[fuzzylogic]

These days you might be surprised. Some parents think it makes them enlightened.

...but without realizing it, it’s also like, “great - we don’t get grand kids”. Yet today they’re supposed to be happy and ignore this fact.

[MayflowerMadam]

“They ALL wish there was a ‘magic pill’” they could take too automatically realign their sexual orientation to normal.”

Getting their lives right with God would be a good place to start. Just sayin’

[mowowie]

The taxpayers here in MA have paid for walls behind the rest stops, they stretch for like a mile in each direction.
I remember the homo’s loved meeting in certain bathrooms at the UMass library...the school refused to do anything about it.

[OldSmaj]

No parent ever said this: “Wow this is great!!!! Our son just came out of the closet and told us he was gay. We are so proud and excited!!!”

Well, I don't know about declarations of being a faggot, but the insistence of other perversions, as in trans stupidity, are celebrated all over the media.

One especially egregious and disgusting one is a propaganda show known as "I am Jazz".

I attempted to watch one show and couldn't get through it, but the simpering parents and the sycophants they have surrounded themselves with are simply astounding.

It appears from what little I watched that the only subject they won't discuss is the fact that "Jazz" has a damned mustache.

Sick and lame and obviously in it for the dollar.

[meadsjn]

The nastier, the better...the more dangerous and humiliating, the better.
Basically, the more evil, the better.

When women say, "My gay friends are not like that."

I reply:
"You've never seen how faggots act when there are no women around."

[cyclotic]

Call me really naïve. I’ve stopped at rest areas hundreds of times and can honestly say I’ve never seen any of the deviant behavior in this article.

I fully believe it happens but maybe I’m just too single focused in doing my business and getting back on the road.

It does answer why so many rest areas in the Northeast close at 5pm though

[mowowie]

My buddy has parents that own a beach house on Cape Cod.
Around a hundred yards down the street there is a bridge next to the beach with water flowing underneath.
As teens and young adults we used to hang out under there a lot to drink beers and smoke weed.
A couple of years ago i was back down there and we took a walk to that same bridge.
We were shocked to find literally hundreds of used condoms and these tiny tubes of K-Y jelly scattered all over the rocks down there.

Imagine if we had waited till dark and walked into one of those orgies...
unbelievable

[mowowie]

A few years ago here in Boston a Whale watch boat was returning to the harbor and while passing a marshy patch of land all the kids and parents witnessed around 50 guys banging each other in the tall grass.
I’m sure the kids were mortified.

[mowowie]

Around 10 years ago a male teen got a flat tire and pulled into a MA rest area, while changing a tire some homo freak came out of the bushes and dragged him into the woods and violently anally raped him.

These people are SICK.
EVERY gay guy i had ever known Constantly thinks about butt sex, it is the only thing ever on their mind.
The have serious mental health issues.