Posted on 11/09/2012 10:52:34 PM PST by Olog-hai
Family breakdown is as devastating for today’s children as it was when divorce was a source of social disgrace, a state-backed report warned yesterday. Even though divorce is no longer considered ‘shameful’—as it was until the 1970s—the children of broken families continue to suffer destructive effects throughout their lives, the report said.
The paper, produced by a team of senior academics, found that the damage caused to a child by divorce continues to blight his or her life as far as old age. It said parental separation in childhood was ‘consistently associated with psychological distress in adulthood during people’s early 30s’. The report added: ‘This seems to be true even across different generations, which suggests that as divorce and separation have become more common, their impact on mental health has not reduced.’
It comes a week after figures were published showing that almost half of all children have now seen their parents break up by the time they are 15. …
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
Anyway, I've been married 15 years and it can be tough because my husband's parents never argued that my husband can remember and then one day his father up and left. He always feels like if we argue it's going to lead to something really bad happening, yet then he holds it all in until he's ready to explode. Sometimes I provoke small disagreements to keep them from getting to large. There are so many little things I can see that his father leaving has done to him, but he doesn't see it. Like being way overprotective of our kids and wanting to be there for them every second because his dad wasn't. I understand but sometimes I just have to tell him to relax, you can miss one Soccer game when your working. It really bothers him.
My parents were divorced but the way I look at it, at least I had two parents of the opposite sex.
Divorce usually kills children’s belief in God ( the Father) and makes them emotionally insecure so the state can manipulate them easily or make them dependents. The State can become parent which fills the void in the children whose loyalty is crushed and redirected to negative things. Warps their entire view of human relationships of men and women. They will usually copy the behavior of divorce. It is easier than staying married.
Dalrymple writes about divorce and unwed mothers destroying the children of England. They are imploding—the nation—because of the destruction of the family unit. But this has always been know by sociologists—destroy the family and you destroy the culture. (Cultural Marxists decided to do this in the 30’s—destroy American culture-— Mock Christianity and fathers and focus men in puerile pursuits so they never mature. Then get the mothers out of the home, particularly away from nurturing their children, so the children become unmanageable and make the “home” miserable. Then the family unit falls. Without morality—there will be no healthy family unit.
The state (Marxism) has created the conflict between the sexes, (feminisim/Friedan the communist) between adults and children (movies of rebellion against tyrannical, dumb parents who are usually Christian) and teaches the perversion of homosexuality to sexualize children—the easiest way to corrupt the innocence of a child and warp their thinking (Harry Hay was sodomized as a boy and became a radical Communist and founded the homosexual movement in America).
The media preaches dysfunction 24/7 in everything.....to cheat and lie and normalizes all perversions which denigrate human beings. Makes it easier to treat people in unchristian ways and split up. But the grass is never really greener for more than a very short time——the negatives are too costly when children are involved since all future relationships are negatively affected for the rest of their lives.
Some o’ y’all are neglecting the frequent circumstance that one partner is a total POS and has done things for which no forgiveness is possible much less virtuous.
Some children know what’s going on and actually cheer their parents’ divorce, and by the stats given, around 78% of children whose parents divorce do just fine.
Cheat? You might fool the spouse, but the kids will know and they will hate you for it.
My parents were divorced and I can see it had a huge impact on me.
Sometimes one person is a POS but I won’t use the word partners. Thru Gods grace they can change if they are willing. Let no man separate what God has made.
From what I’ve seen its far more common for the two people to simply grow apart. Society teaches women that they don’t need a man. Society teaches men they are children and not worthy of being leaders.
To be a family you have to live as a family. Share meals together, play, work and fight together.
“She said you can spot the kids whose dads are not in the picture - they are untethered, off kilter. At FIVE!”
Sad but true; when I take my my sons to the park or playground, you can tell which kids also are not spanked. My kids are like the Asian kids; you never see them talk back to their parents, whine when they don’t get their way, etc.
Not to toot my horn (because I’m a mess), but a few times mothers of unruly children in restaurants have told my wife and I how well behaved our boys are. I just don’t take sh!t from my kids, and don’t know why any parent would. You either straighten it out now, or when they’re teenagers...I choose to do it now.
The government stepped in and removed the economic basis for families; it really shows. I couldn’t imagine not having both of my parents at home when I was younger, and I can’t imagine my sons not having the same.
He refused to pay child support for me, and he hated it that I was loyal to her. Old bastard. He's een gone now for about 9 years; but If I ever visit Miami, Florida again, I intend to piss on his grave.
My mother's second husband wasn't much better, IMO. I left home a couple of months after they married. I think she was really worried about ending up alone. I don't share my mother's taste in men (all in her mouth, IMO), and I'm really glad that not all men are like those two assholes.
The divorce boom of the Baby Boomers is one reason why the illegitimacy rate among Gen-X and Gen-Y is so high. These young adults fear divorce more than they fear having a child alone. So the girl goes ahead and has a baby - often in her 20s as a deliberate choice, not as an ignorant teen - hoping he stays to help but willing to go it alone if not.
I agree with that. My maternal grandparents divorced, my paternal grandparents divorced. My parents divorced when I was 2, each remarried. Then my mom divorced my step-father when I was 13. She married again, then divorced again 5 years after that.
I don’t spend a lot of time wondering why I have my own problems with maintaining functional relationships. I’m on marriage #2 myself...and it’s my wife’s 2nd marriage as well.
As the song goes - “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger...”
Importantly, children raised in heterosexual, two-parent families are raised on the “success track”, academically and emotionally. By observation they learn how the opposite gender lives, and how a heterosexual couple interact.
Children with single parents, however, are on the “survival track”, which often means that they approach life from a predator-prey standpoint. And it is up to their individual strength to determine whether they are predator or prey, or oppressed to the point where they become oppressors when the opportunity presents itself. Which is why children of single parents are 60% more likely to become criminal offenders, and many of the rest are passive-ineffectual.
Children of divorce are likely a miserable blend of these things, and children of homosexual parents, while a relatively new phenomenon, are already being seen as trending towards the survival track.
Worse than bereavement in many cases since the parents often compound their errors in custody and support battles.
Sorry to hear it. It was absolutely the worst thing I ever had to deal with. It does get better. Hang in there. This can be terribly destructive to a man. Support structures are there for women. In most cases, you’ll go it alone, very alone.
It does get better. You have my every good wish for a bright future, which will come.
Hang in there bud.
The pain never goes away, NEVER. It’s been 30 years for me, and it still hurts, and I still have anger about it.
Oh, my brother and I went on with our lives, we married and had kids ourselves, but I think the both of us long ago swore to ourselves and our spouses that we would never NEVER do to our children what was done to us — and our parents had an “amicable” divorce, with no fighting over property or custody.
Divorce is a scourge; it should be discouraged at all times, and especially if there are children involved.
Regards,
I know what you mean. Girls need that help too, in reverse.
Look, as much as you and I wish we could spare our kids the ‘crash and burn’, chances are they’ll make the same mistakes we did.
I’m speaking from experience. I laid it out for one of my kids when they met someone I knew was going to present them with a hellish nightmare. Four to five years later, one kid in tow, it was a hellish nightmare. It played out exactly as I had predicted. I doubt the kid even remembered.
That’s life unfortunately.
I use to pray my parents would divorce, because of the non stop fighting. But they never did.
But the evidence shows that, on balance, divorce results in more anguish than bad marriages. It also does not end the bitterness felt by a parent who retains custody, or another parent who is left out in the cold. Divorce is like abortion: a bad solution to a bad problem. That is because usually the divorcing couple are,usually, thinking only of themselves. That is also the case in bad marriages.
So divorce was no solution was it? Your father was damaged goods, and despite the divorce, you are filled with the same rage he felt. The sin of the father is visited upon the generations. That has been true since Adam.
and despite the divorce, you are filled with the same rage he felt.
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Even if the parents had stayed together there still would have plenty of reason for long lasting rage. ...Maybe even **more** reason for rage.
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