Apology Thread

7/23/2010 | vbmoneyspender

[vbmoneyspender]

In the old days, when someone wanted you to apologize it was for something you had done to them. And the way it worked was they would ask you for an apology and you would tell them to go screw themselves. But we live in a new age where apologies are done differently. Nowadays, the way apologies work is that you demand that someone you don't personally know apologize to someone else that you don't personally know. This is another form of modern outsourcing and, as such, has become quite the rage in the more technologically sophisticated areas of the United States.

As a result, in order to keep up with the times, I am creating this Apology Thread and starting it off with my own demands for apologies from people I have never met. First, I demand that George Lucas apologize to Star Wars fans for writing and directing Stars Wars Episodes 1, 2 and 3 and that he further apologize to movie fans in general for producing Howard the Duck. Second, I demand that Norm Coleman apologize to the good people of the state of Minnesota for losing to Al Franken in the 2008 senatorial race. And because this race had national implications, Norm Coleman may want to consider expanding his apology to include the citizens of all these United States. Third, I demand that Madonna apologize to Kabbalah worshippers for joining their religion and thereby making a mockery of it.

Now that I have issued my apology demands, I would like to invite my fellow freepers to issue their own apology demands to people they don't know.

And lastly, because I don't want this post to end on a purely negative note, I would like to personally thank Mitchell Mortaza for founding the Women's Lingerie Football League. Mitchell, if you are reading this, I just want to say "Never Give Up! Never Surender!"

[mnehring]

This will be an Epic Thread.

[shibumi]

I think you should apologize to Tim Allen and the cast of Galaxy Quest for ripping off their catch phrase “Never give up! Never surrender.”

[PA Engineer]

Bookmarking because this thread has awesome potential.

Ditto!

[al baby]

ping the natives

[married21]

I demand an apology from Lady Gaga to all Yankee fans for going to their baseball game in a tacky bikini and behaving rudely. (That privilege is reserved for season ticket holders, missy.)

[Liberty Valance]

oh yeah

[goodnesswins]

I’m sorry I was born White. I’m sorry I was born in America. I’m sorry I worked my arse off to do what I did.

[vbmoneyspender]

Jason Nesmith is a silent partner in the Lingerie Football League so were all good.

[PA Engineer]

I am really sorry for knocking up my first wifes sister who worked at the same company i did and for stealing from the church to pay for the abortion

You are going to need some acme strength and buchoo amounts of Holy Water for this.

Maybe you should include the Ganges river to be sure.

[ButThreeLeftsDo]

Kooba, Kooba, Kooba.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8pM4Nvlvz0

[Responsibility2nd]

The 6 Most Insincere Apologies of All-Time

For most of us, an apology actually means something. If you hurt somebody’s feelings, laugh/throw things at a kid in a wheelchair or repeatedly violate a restraining order of a certain SOMEONE, you offer a heartfelt apology and move on with your life.

But for famous types who have lawyers and publicists, the public apology becomes an important business strategy, with all sincerity stripped away. We’re talking about apologies like...

#6.Jason Giambi on the Subject of Steroids

What Makes Him an Insincere Sack of Lies:

#5.Governor Eliot Spitzer and Prostitute Ashley Dupre

What Makes Them Insincere Sacks of Lies:

#4.Congressman Tom Feeney and the Abramoff Scandal

What Makes Him an Insincere Sack of Lies:

#3.Pacman Jones, Guns and Strippers

What Makes Him An Insincere Sack of Lies:

#2.Alec Baldwin Screams Obscenities at His Child

What Makes Him An Insincere Sack of Lies:

#1.Michael Richards and Racism

What Makes Him An Insincere Sack of Lies:

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_17105_6-most-insincere-apologies-all-time.html#ixzz0uZL6wmYn

[NYCslicker]

I’d like for Mark Kirk to apologize for running for Senate in Illinois. And to apologize for pretending to be a Republican. And while I’m at it, I’d like to ask Trent Lott to apologize for not pursuing another career besides politics.

I’d like for Michelle Obama to apologize for every outfit she’s ever worn, ever.

I’d like for Cheney to apologize for not also punching Leahy on the floor of the Senate.

That’s a good start.

[justsaynomore]

The person that created the vuvuzela (or whatever it’s called) should apologize to the whole world.

[shibumi]

You should also apologize to all Jews for saying that Kaballah is a religion and that they are “worshippers.”

[Eaker]

Apology Thread

Jimmie, this thread is the perfect place for you to apologize to humblegunner.

[dfwgator]

Archie: All right, all right, I apologise.
Otto: You're really sorry.
Archie: I'm really really sorry, I apologise unreservedly.
Otto: You take it back.
Archie: I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

[FourPeas]

I demand an apology from anyone and everyone responsible for the awful fads of the 1970’s. This includes, but is not limited to anyone who wore leisure suits.

[PA Engineer]

I want AMC to apologize for this:

[FourPeas]

Great movie.

[NYCslicker]

Oh that reminds me:

I demand an apology from whoever created the “Leisure Suit Larry” video game.

Hey and I demand an apology from whoever’s idea it was to have those annoying boring public service ad counsel medical explanation commercials that were obviously written by the government that come on during Mark Levin on radio.