Man Arrested For Hitting Girlfriend With Fish

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[Willie Green]

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Man Arrested For Hitting Girlfriend With Fish

Reuters
06/16/99

For education and discussion only. Not for commercial use.

SAN DIEGO, Calif., (Reuters) - Teach a man to fish and he will eat for the rest of his life. Give Nicholas Vitalich a fish and he will hit his girlfriend with it, police here said Tuesday.

Vitalich, 24, was arrested Tuesday on charges of assault with a deadly weapon after he allegedly beat his 21-year-old girlfriend with a large tuna after an argument in a supermarket, San Diego police spokesman Bill Robinson said.

Robinson told Reuters Vitalich was also charged with resisting arrest because he fought with officers when they tried to apprehend him.

``The woman had left the store after the argument and was out in the parking lot when the male approached her and struck her with a large tuna,'' Robinson said.

``When officers got there she had a cut above her eye, bruising on her right arm and cuts on both legs, from where she was knocked to the ground,'' Robinson added.

Robinson said witnesses told the officers that the Vitalich ''repeatedly hit her with this large fish.''

He said the fish was fresh, not frozen, but considered a deadly weapon in the same way shoes or teeth can be weapons. Robinson said Vitalich was arrested by officers a short distance from the supermarket.

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PETA urges Congress to pass 5 day waiting period / background check for anybody wanting to purchase seafood.
Posted by: Willie Green
1 06/16/1999 08:27:27 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Can't she just put some ice on it? Let's move on.
From: wny
2 06/16/1999 08:28:44 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Can't she just put some ice on it? Let's move on.
From: wny
3 06/16/1999 08:29:10 PDT

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To: Willie Green
They are worried that they may never get the smell off of her
From: Tactman (mike5722@hotmail.com)
4 06/16/1999 08:30:37 PDT

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To: Willie Green
When seafood is outlawed, only outlaws will have seafood.
From: buck2 (saveusfromclinton.org)
5 06/16/1999 08:31:51 PDT

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To: Willie Green
I'm sorry--I'm truly sorry that this woman was hurt. However, I have to confess to laughing a bit at the mental image of this whole thing!
From: basil
6 06/16/1999 08:33:19 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Bad enough that the guy is the kind of lowlife who would assault a woman, but speaking as a diehard fisherman, what kind of a man abuses a poor defenseless fish?

We need to institute a program promoting fish rights in all of our schools so that our youth learn the proper way to treat a fish: skin-side down on the grill with butter, brown sugar, and onions.
From: g.i.joe (weare@winning)
7 06/16/1999 08:34:06 PDT

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To: buck2
They are worried that they may never get the smell off of her

Wasn't she this guys girl friend? How would you ever tell.

From: Common Tator (sayWhat.com)
8 06/16/1999 08:35:17 PDT

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To: Willie Green
The woman was seen carrying a shark later that day.
From: bmwcyle (bmwcyle@bigplanet.com)
9 06/16/1999 08:38:30 PDT

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To: Willie Green
That's nothing. I got beat bad with a Full House once.

If the fins were still on, it cod be considered an Assault Tuna.
From: ParrotsUp (parrotsup@yahoo.com)
10 06/16/1999 08:38:50 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Holy mackerel!!
From: Fred Mertz (LucyI'm@home.com)
11 06/16/1999 08:42:16 PDT

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To: basil
I have to confess to laughing a lot!

I knew there would be some priceless replies. And, so far, I haven't been disappointed.

I just hope no one carps at us for laughing.
From: mombonn (brokerbon@aol.com)
12 06/16/1999 08:46:50 PDT

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To: g.i.joe
H.R. 513 Amendment to Lautenberg Bill

Ban importation of tuna over 10 pounds. Ban print, film, broadcast, outdoor, and other forms of mass media depicting the use of a tuna or a fully automatic tuna in the commission of a violent crime. Engage Hollywood to set rating standards limiting the age of entrance to any film depicting tuna in any form other than canned to 21 and older. Require 72 hour waiting period before any purchase of any tuna. Establish block grant of 5,000,000 to fund safe tuna useage and public service campaigns designed to reduce the level of violent crimes involving tuna, and to put 100,000 new tuna inspectors on the streets of America. Require all refrigerators sold to be manufactured with safety locks on the doors. Establish national database of all tuna buyers, fishers, brokers, distributors, and wholesalers. Require all seafood restaurants, stores and road side vendors to keep accurate records regarding the purchase, solicitation to purchase, and exchange of tuna recipes. Finally, to send Charley Tuna to a re-education camp, and convince him to become a kissing gourami.
From: hesoldnukestochicoms
13 06/16/1999 08:49:51 PDT

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To: Willie Green

From: Boner1
14 06/16/1999 08:51:52 PDT

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To: Willie Green
This is an outrage. We are all in potential danger if this trend continues. I shudder at the thought of a live Maine being thrown on my back when I'm not looking. And the swordfish? Don't even talk about it. Fillets. That's the answer. Boneless, skinless, fillets. Please, congress, outlaw whole fish.
From: small voice in the wilderness
15 06/16/1999 08:52:38 PDT

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To: small voice in the wilderness
Bill says, "Everyone from this day forth will only eat Tyson's chicken. We can not trust American Families with fish anymore".
From: bmwcyle (bmwcyle@bigplanet.com)
16 06/16/1999 09:01:54 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Can the fish be traced? Did the assailant purchase it at a legitimate dealer or at an illicit fish show? Fish shows ought to be banned altogether, and people ought to be limited to one purchase a month. After all, how many fish do you need?
From: Billthedrill
17 06/16/1999 09:03:26 PDT

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To: Billthedrill
And we all know that any American of any age can walk into any grocery store or fish market and buy the latest high-capacity fish, up to and including dangerous assault fish like shark. Hell, your teenager can get a deadly fish sandwich at any fast-food joint!
From: g.i.joe (weare@winning)
18 06/16/1999 09:07:10 PDT

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To: Willie Green

Sorry, Charlie!
From: Michael Rivero (rivero@accessone.com)
19 06/16/1999 09:08:49 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Concealed carry won't work, as that baby will start to stink by the end of the day and every one will know you're packing a haddock...
From: dirtboy
20 06/16/1999 09:13:07 PDT

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To: Willie Green
This is obviously Howard Stern's fault- a few weeks ago on his show, he spanked a woman with a fish.
From: real saxophonist
21 06/16/1999 09:13:47 PDT

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To: Willie Green
This is obviously Howard Stern's fault- a few weeks ago on his show, he spanked a woman with a fish.
From: real saxophonist
22 06/16/1999 09:14:14 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
darn double post... I hit the button only once.
From: real saxophonist
23 06/16/1999 09:17:24 PDT

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To:
You can tune a piano,but you sure can't tuna fish.
From: lazlo bones
24 06/16/1999 09:26:56 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Police have not determined a motive for the unusual assault.

"It appears", concluded Robinson, "that he was just beating her for the halibut..."

From: Interesting Times
25 06/16/1999 09:32:14 PDT

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To: hesoldnukestochicoms
Excellent suggestions. I have always favored a background check and coolling off period before the purchase of ANY grocery product. It is the only way we as a civilized nation can combat this tide of produce-related violence. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.
From: RogueIsland
26 06/16/1999 09:35:38 PDT

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To: Interesting Times
I can't believe the scale of such an attack.
From: real saxophonist
27 06/16/1999 09:35:45 PDT

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To: ParrotsUp
I know what you mean ParrotsUp. In my younger days I got beat by so many horses that I stopped betting on them.

By the way, was the Tuna the semi or fully automatic kind? That should make a difference in the sentencing.
From: Pearman
28 06/16/1999 09:43:04 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
Have you no sole?
From: owen_s (n/a)
29 06/16/1999 09:43:25 PDT

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To: Willie Green
It should be noted that the Constitution does NOT grant individuals the right to own a fish. The right is a collective right that grants the government the authority to outfit markets with fish during times of crisis.

Fish in the hands of private citizens kill. We don't need them in our homes and schools.
From: RogueIsland
30 06/16/1999 09:44:09 PDT

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To: Boner1
Looks like someone whaled hillary....must say, it's an improvement.
From: ST.LOUIE1
31 06/16/1999 09:44:19 PDT

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To: owen_s
ROTFLMAO! I hear Finland has pretty lax fish control laws.
From: real saxophonist
32 06/16/1999 09:45:28 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
was the beating the only thing he did, or did he grouper?
From: corkoman
33 06/16/1999 09:48:55 PDT

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To: corkoman
If he did, he didn't flounder around.
From: real saxophonist
34 06/16/1999 09:50:30 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
" I hear Finland has pretty lax fish control laws."

That argument is a red herring frequently trotted out by the National Fish Association, nothing more than a lobbying group for the fish industry. It is not germane to the argument because Finland has a very different culture. The U.S. is dominated by violent marine images in its movies, literature and music, from Moby Dick to Jaws. We can't change the underlying social dynamic, so the best we can do is outlaw the tools of fish-violence altogether.
From: RogueIsland
35 06/16/1999 09:51:21 PDT

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To: corkoman
Only on porpoise.
From: owen_s (n/a)
36 06/16/1999 09:53:22 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Not to worry, by evening they will be spooning on the front perch.
From: ST.LOUIE1
37 06/16/1999 09:53:46 PDT

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To: corkoman
Don't know if he grouped'er, but he did snapper.
From: M.Peachim (Clinton is an IMPEACHED scumbag)
38 06/16/1999 09:54:00 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
I think you have been reading the lies in Field and Stream.
From: bmwcyle (bmwcyle@bigplanet.com)
39 06/16/1999 09:54:10 PDT

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To: all

Oh, big f*cking joke! I guess you all thing this sort of assault is funny. Well let me smack you around with Abe Vigoda and let's see how funny you think that is. That old bastard's gotta weigh 180 lbs, at least!

From: dead (dagalagas@yahoo.com)
40 06/16/1999 09:59:01 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
Do you have a Free Republic business cod?
From: real saxophonist
41 06/16/1999 09:59:23 PDT

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To: bmwcyle
I'm not anti-fish per se. However, in this sad incident the man used a TUNA. No one has a legitimate need for a tuna. It is a very large fish that simply has no place in a civilized nation. Who on earth needs such a thing? Wouldn't a small flounder or red snapper do just as well?
From: RogueIsland
42 06/16/1999 10:00:06 PDT

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To: bmwcyle
This man beat his girfriend with Bill Parcells?

What does Edwin MUSK(IE) have to say about this?

I thought I smelt a bad deal with this guy.
From: Paul L. Hepperla (paulhep@terracom.net)
43 06/16/1999 10:02:07 PDT

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To: dead
That's really taking it to the bream!
From: real saxophonist
44 06/16/1999 10:03:01 PDT

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To: all
You people are hysterical!!! I've had a whale of a time reading this thread.

Personally, I think the man was mad because the girl didn't notice his new haircut; he was just fishing for a compliment.
From: Siouxz
45 06/16/1999 10:04:33 PDT

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To: Paul L. Hepperla
Sounds pretty crappie to me.
From: real saxophonist
46 06/16/1999 10:04:54 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
There's something fishy about this thread.
From: ST.LOUIE1
47 06/16/1999 10:05:06 PDT

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To: wny
It's just about Tuna.
From: Justa
48 06/16/1999 10:05:25 PDT

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To: Siouxz
Hope she didn't harbor any eel will...
From: real saxophonist
49 06/16/1999 10:06:48 PDT

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To: ST.LOUIE1
You're right, kiss and make up. She's gonna clam up on the witness stand, forcing the Judge to throw it back. Bottom line: you can't convict a man for being crabby.
From: small voice in the wilderness
50 06/16/1999 10:07:00 PDT

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To: basil
Guys like this creek need to be drug out into the middle of the street and shot. He's the beast argument against gun control and for the death penalty.
From: go star go
51 06/16/1999 10:07:58 PDT

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To: Siouxz
"Personally, I think the man was mad because the girl didn't notice his new haircut; he was just fishing for a compliment. "

Which just goes to prove my point that citizens cannot be trusted with fish. Here in Florida, practically anyone can carry a concealed fish in public. It is a disaster waiting to happen, and it is only possible because of the huge fishing industry presence in this state.
From: RogueIsland
52 06/16/1999 10:08:35 PDT

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To: Willie Green
I'm sick and tired of people critizing the guy...at least he used fresh tuna and not canned...the guy has a heart of gold...
From: DouglasKC
53 06/16/1999 10:08:35 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
Robinson said Vitalich was arrested by officers a short distance from the supermarket.

Is this considered a standard catch by the SDPD, or just a fluke?
From: bars4Bill (WJC@Leavenworth.con)
54 06/16/1999 10:10:21 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
from Moby Dick to Jaws.

Don't forget that it all started in the (eek) BIBLE -- Jonah and the great fish.

From: Scrambler Bob
55 06/16/1999 10:11:20 PDT

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To: Willie Green

What a retard.What a waste of a perfectly good tuna.

All I can think of is all the delicious sushi and sashimi that went to waste.

From: zendo7
56 06/16/1999 10:11:30 PDT

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To: DouglasKC
I agree, we shouldn't carp on the guy.
From: real saxophonist
57 06/16/1999 10:11:47 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
You are the most shellfish male on this thread.(:D

Bwana's wife
From: BigBwana (lunatic@asylum.com)
58 06/16/1999 10:13:05 PDT

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To: small voice in the wilderness
heh heh...good one.
From: ST.LOUIE1
59 06/16/1999 10:13:18 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
Where do you conceal a swordfish? On the other fin, I don't wanna know .....
From: owen_s (n/a)
60 06/16/1999 10:16:23 PDT

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To: BigBwana
At least he didn't conch her out.
From: real saxophonist
61 06/16/1999 10:20:18 PDT

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To: owen_s
"Where do you conceal a swordfish?"

Swordfish do not make good carry fish. Like Great Whites and Marlins, they are just too much fish for a street situation. I would suggest that if you really feel a need to carry concealed, you opt for a small size/high stopping power model, such as a piranha. It is an excellen all-around carry fish.
From: RogueIsland
62 06/16/1999 10:20:57 PDT

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To: bars4Bill
Wonder what the fine is going to be... bet he has to shell out a lotta clams.
From: real saxophonist
63 06/16/1999 10:23:58 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Was that a semi-automatic or fully automatic tuna? Aren't you afraid that by reporting this there will be copy cat-fish tuna assaults?
From: PasnThru
64 06/16/1999 10:24:24 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Good thing he didn't smack her with a catfish....could have been charged with.....cruelty to animals.
From: ST.LOUIE1
65 06/16/1999 10:25:37 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
LOL!! Thanks!
From: owen_s (n/a)
66 06/16/1999 10:25:54 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
The Judge oughta throw the brook at him.
From: small voice in the wilderness
67 06/16/1999 10:26:59 PDT

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To: Willie Green
She ought to dump that guy. There's other fish in the sea!
From: RightOne
68 06/16/1999 10:28:43 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
I would suggest that if you really feel a need to carry concealed, you opt for a small size/high stopping power model, such as a piranha.

You can carry these in your pants pocket, but if you do, be sure to order the extra-heavy-duty carrying case.
From: Izzy Dunne (Interns_R_Us@WhiteHouse.gov)
69 06/16/1999 10:30:23 PDT

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To: RightOne
And, in the words of Jimmy Buffet:

"Can't you feel 'em circlin' honey?
Can't you feel 'em swimmin' around?
You got fins to the left, fins to the right, and your're the only bait in town.
You got fins to the left, fins to the right, and your're the only girl in town."

From: RightOne
70 06/16/1999 10:31:30 PDT

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To: RightOne
And, in the words of Jimmy Buffet:

"Can't you feel 'em circlin' honey?
Can't you feel 'em swimmin' around?
You got fins to the left, fins to the right, and you're the only bait in town.
You got fins to the left, fins to the right, and you're the only girl in town."

From: RightOne
71 06/16/1999 10:32:17 PDT

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To: TO ALL
That's it....I'm OTTER here!!!
From: ST.LOUIE1
72 06/16/1999 10:33:18 PDT

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To: Izzy Dunne
"You can carry these in your pants pocket, but if you do, be sure to order the extra-heavy-duty carrying case. "

Absolutely. I would advise anyone who plans to own a fish to take the National Fish Association's Fish Safety Course. The life you save may be your own. Fish safety should always be the primary concern when handling fish of any sort.
From: RogueIsland
73 06/16/1999 10:37:43 PDT

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To: All
ROTFLMAO!!! Thanks.

I can see that no one here is floundering for an answer.
From: Not gonna take it anymore
74 06/16/1999 10:44:18 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
Good thing they caught the guy right away. It might have required a dragnet...
From: bars4Bill (WJC@Leavenworth.con)
75 06/16/1999 10:46:20 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
I hear that congress already has legislation in the works that would mandate only smart fish to be sold, and to close the loophole that allows people to purchase a fish at farmers' markets without a background check.
From: ksen (ksenecal@agapesystems.com)
76 06/16/1999 10:48:08 PDT

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To: Not gonna take it anymore
Please note that no dolphins were hurt in this attack!
From: ChiCub (ChiCub2000@aol.com)
77 06/16/1999 10:48:27 PDT

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To: Willie Green
ROTFLMAO!
From: GI Jane
78 06/16/1999 10:49:51 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
Is that the Eddie Seagull course?
From: owen_s (n/a)
79 06/16/1999 10:51:24 PDT

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To: RightOne
She ought to dump that guy. There's other fish in the sea!

You got it all bass-ackwards. She ain't no angel.
From: Willie Green
80 06/16/1999 10:52:36 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
This is bassed all understanding. You don't care that he roughied her up. He could have socked her wall-eyed and you'd still be his lobsterist.

Bwana's wife
From: BigBwana (lunatic@asylum.com)
81 06/16/1999 10:53:01 PDT

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To: owen_s
I believe the course was started by Finn Aagard (sorry, that one was probably too subtle unless you've been reading firearms mags for awhile -- and I probably spelled the name wrong to boot).
From: RogueIsland
82 06/16/1999 10:58:02 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
Is Gill Garcetti going to prosecute this?
From: small voice in the wilderness
83 06/16/1999 11:04:21 PDT

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To: Willie Green
If this sort of thing continues we'll all be living in a Wet Dream
From: BufordP
84 06/16/1999 11:06:22 PDT

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To: small voice in the wilderness
LOL
From: RogueIsland
85 06/16/1999 11:06:29 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
Do the police have to practice catch and release?

Now it will be harder to get supplies for reloading tuna cans.
From: soundbits
86 06/16/1999 11:13:08 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Lucky it wasn't a gefilte fish or the Jews for the Preservation of Kosher Fish (JPKF) would have gotten involved.
From: Pharmboy (Dems.lie@every.turn)
87 06/16/1999 11:13:21 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
That was a nice Libourel application of Finn... are we going to Venturino into this territory now? I'm sure we can come up with various and Sundra funnies.
From: real saxophonist
88 06/16/1999 11:14:52 PDT

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To: Pharmboy
LOL! very good.
From: real saxophonist
89 06/16/1999 11:18:15 PDT

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To: owen_s
Fish locks.

That's what we need. A fish lock on every new can of tuna!
From: Lou L (gn@'s.eyelash.com)
90 06/16/1999 11:28:02 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
He could have slapped her with a snapper and hit her right in her big fat bass. SaloMEN...you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em.
From: 1Old Pro
91 06/16/1999 11:32:57 PDT

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To: Willie Green
This if funny, I laughed so hard I got a haddock.
From: baddog1 (baddog1@teleport.com)
92 06/16/1999 11:34:35 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Is it true that her Stingray blew a seal? Does Governor Ventura know about this?
From: owen_s (n/a)
93 06/16/1999 11:37:49 PDT

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To: buck2
Think of our childern and let us all put safety locks on our fish...
From: Cool Guy
94 06/16/1999 11:44:32 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Anyone know when the guys herring will be?
From: ST.LOUIE1
95 06/16/1999 11:50:37 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Please stop, I can't take it any more! Trying to eat my lunch and read this at the same time and just end up spilling my chowder all over my fly. This has definitely got me LOL all day today. Great post.
From: salmon
96 06/16/1999 11:55:02 PDT

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To: Willie Green
You know, when my woman gets ornery in the grocery store, I never hesitate to exert a little mussel.
From: tgiles (svlogic@decentdesigns.com)
97 06/16/1999 12:01:53 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Fish should be home-schooled.
From: sakic
98 06/16/1999 12:03:38 PDT

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To: tgiles
Rosie, yesterday, is quoted as saying, "This is 1999. You don't need to own a fish. And if you do, you should go to jail. We should pass a big legal net over this country and confiscate all fish."

The war against our rights goes on.
From: RogueIsland
99 06/16/1999 12:07:40 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
I hear Finn Aagaard goes well with a Spangenberger and a side of Al Pickles.
From: real saxophonist
100 06/16/1999 12:12:40 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
Bump- not for me, not for Willie- for the children.
From: real saxophonist
101 06/16/1999 12:38:58 PDT

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To: Cool Guy
Think of our childern and let us all put safety locks on our fish...

Use your spellcheck, It should be "safety lox."
From: Willie Green
102 06/16/1999 12:50:30 PDT

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To: Willie Green
I've thought long and hard about this unfortunate situation. There's only one thing to do, I'm turning in my Tartar Sauce. I only hope that the next violence victim is not assaulted with a leg of lamb. I will never give up my Mint Jelly.
From: small voice in the wilderness
103 06/16/1999 12:52:56 PDT

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To: Willie Green
That deserves a standing ovulation!
From: real saxophonist
104 06/16/1999 12:53:50 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Forgot to add, that joke went swimmingly!
From: real saxophonist
105 06/16/1999 12:56:21 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
I did it on porpoise.
From: Willie Green
106 06/16/1999 12:58:19 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Remember the good old days when social morays would have prevented this assault?
From: r9etb
107 06/16/1999 13:03:14 PDT

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To: Willie Green
The guy is getting a bum rap.....the tuna was just going after her fish-net stockings.
From: ST.LOUIE1
108 06/16/1999 13:06:26 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Shouldn't there be a "squid pro quo" joke in here somewhere?
From: real saxophonist
109 06/16/1999 13:07:58 PDT

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To: Izzy Dunne

You can carry these in your pants pocket, but if you do, be sure to order the extra-heavy-duty carrying case.

Condoms have been found to be excellent protection for trouser trout.

From: Eddie Willers
110 06/16/1999 13:10:42 PDT

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To: real saxophonist
The "porpoise" pun was kinda corny, but I couldn't kelp it.
From: Willie Green
111 06/16/1999 13:12:52 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Think I'll change my name to "creel saxophonist" for the remainder of this thread.
From: real saxophonist
112 06/16/1999 13:18:46 PDT

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To: small voice in the wilderness
"I'm turning in my Tartar Sauce."

This just in...

June 16, AP Wire Service, Los Angeles -- Los Angeles tody became the first city in the nation to institute a "fish buy back" program. Says program director John Silver, "It is time we got these things off our streets. We owe it to our children."

"Aye, they're bad fish they are. Swallow a man whole," said fish control advocate J. F. Quint before launching into a fine rendition of "Ladies of Spain" for no apparent reason.

A spokesman for the National Fish Association was not so positive about the program. "This is just one more effort to de-fish the American public. It will have no impact whatsoever on fish-related crime. Only vigorous enforcement of the 20,000 fish statutes already on the books will deter the use of fish in crime," said actor and NFA president John Cleese, who recently apologized publically for the frequent misuse of fish in Monty Python sketches.

"Misuse of fish is a serious thing, and has no place in humor," said Cleese. "Transvestites and rampaging gangs of elderly women, however, are always good comedy."
From: RogueIsland
113 06/16/1999 13:25:34 PDT

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To: baddog1
The stinking bass turd!
From: soliton
114 06/16/1999 13:28:52 PDT

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To: hesoldnukestochicoms
"tuna in any form other than canned"

all cans must have at least 6" of fluffy padding. Begin study of manufacturing complaints of can non-stackability. Commission study from corporations on this DNC donor list.
From: lepton
115 06/16/1999 13:30:20 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
Rubber chickens good, fish bad. I also propose a ban on suits of armour. No one needs suits of armour in today's society, and if a child wearing a suit of armour gets too close to the water, that child is in grave danger.
From: real saxophonist
116 06/16/1999 13:31:23 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Ha ha ha......well tuna can be pretty big, how much did it weigh? But hey, if they think thats assault, they should try the coffee in our one cafe coffee shop her in Ghostown.

HH
From: Lenny
117 06/16/1999 13:32:49 PDT

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To: Willie Green
I hate to be the one to bring this up, but we really need to do some lobbying about the upcoming vote on fish vouchers! What about that? Why about those among us who can't even afford flounder, much less shrimp???

And I'm contacting my state attorney general today to do something about Charlie the Tuna! I actually caught my neighbor's kids WEARING that clothing today!
From: stalker (lweaton@hotmail.com)
118 06/16/1999 13:38:23 PDT

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To: salmon
"Please stop, I can't take it any more! Trying to eat my lunch and read this at the same time and just end up spilling my chowder all over my fly. "

Don't cast it.
From: lepton
119 06/16/1999 13:38:37 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Oh lord, I can hear it now...zero tolerance tuna laws.
From: truthkeeper
120 06/16/1999 13:40:45 PDT

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To: lepton
You'll just have to live with it! Who else, besides us, will do something about these "strawman fish purchases?"
From: stalker (lweaton@hotmail.com)
121 06/16/1999 13:45:29 PDT

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To: Lenny
well tuna can be pretty big, how much did it weigh?

Associated Press is reporting a pretty good sized chunk of fish: 6/16/99 -- 1:28 PM

Man accused of beating woman with a 10-pound fish

SAN DIEGO (AP) - A man was arrested on suspicion of assaulting his girlfriend in a supermarket parking lot with a 10-pound tuna.

Nicholas Anthony Vitalich, 24, could be charged with assault with a deadly weapon, police said. He was arrested Tuesday.

``People will use whatever weapon they have available. In this case it was a fish,'' said Lt. Jim Barker of the police domestic-violence unit.

He added: ``It's a serious incident.''

The man's girlfriend told police that she and Vitalich argued and that he struck her several times in the face and lower body with the 2-foot fish, which he had just bought. She suffered cuts and bruises.
From: Willie Green
122 06/16/1999 13:46:20 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Hmmm....something awfully fishy here. I think everyone should stop carping and let the guy off the hook. The police are obviously fishing with such charges; seems the girlfriend baited the poor guy. Before this lame case flounders in court (probably just a civil herring anyway with the judge sitting high on his perch), I think the perp should apologize to his crabby girlfriend, sign a document showing his intent to refrain from wielding seafood (including a "lobster clause"), and the girlfriend should clam up when in such a situation again. Remember: you can tuna piano, but you can't tuna fish.
From: RightOnline
123 06/16/1999 13:51:16 PDT

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To: Willie Green
That was a crappie thing to do to his girlfriend.
From: hattend (hattend@worldnet.att.net)
124 06/16/1999 14:45:56 PDT

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To: ALL
Thanks for the biggest bunch of belly laughs I've had in a long time. I needed them after enduring Algore's harangue.

At least this guy shelled out to buy the fish, shelling out so he could cast out his anger and reel in a little satisfaction. I wait with baited breath for the sentencing phase (slow boat to China?).

BUMP!
From: Carolinamom
125 06/16/1999 15:23:50 PDT

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To: Carolinamom
It is reported that the assailiant was heard humming,
"If you knew Sushi,like I know Sushi,
OH,Oh,Wasabi girl."

Police refuse to speculate on motivation for attack,
"All I can say is,the bite was on",Det.Fishman said.
From: tet68
126 06/16/1999 15:34:28 PDT

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To: Willie Green
I guess it wasn't attempted murder, as he wasn't trying to krill her...
From: dirtboy
127 06/16/1999 15:38:14 PDT

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To: Willie Green
How long will the GOP block "fish control"? We need a five day waiting period to protect the children.
From: wildbill (wahoo@hal-pc.org)
128 06/16/1999 15:41:59 PDT

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To: Willie Green
At 21 years of age, the victim was old enough to defind herself. If she'd been jailbait, then maybe they could have thrown the guy into the can.
From: Argh
129 06/16/1999 15:44:32 PDT

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To: tet68
I predict the scales of justice will perch his way. The khol truth of the matter is that he is probably not AHABitual criminal...she just egged him on about their sea of troubles. (I know...but the good puns have all been taken, thanks to imaginative and fun-loving freeper posters!)
From: Carolinamom
130 06/16/1999 15:46:06 PDT

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To: Carolinamom
LOL...Talk about beating a dead seahorse!
From: RHammm (RHammm@earthlink.net)
131 06/16/1999 15:50:10 PDT

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To: all
They should send him up the river.

Siouxz's son
From: Siouxz
132 06/16/1999 15:50:26 PDT

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To: small voice in the wilderness and all
You guys are too much. Gil Garcetti --- lol!!! I was hooked from the first post. Your chum, RAR
From: RAR
133 06/16/1999 15:53:33 PDT

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To: Eddie Willers
that's one way to make "konk fritters"...
From: ignorancebliss
134 06/16/1999 15:55:45 PDT

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To: RHammm
I wonder if he was hooked on something and will try to worm his way out of this.
From: Carolinamom
135 06/16/1999 16:00:06 PDT

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To: Carolinamom
Maybe smoking seaweed?
From: Scrambler Bob
136 06/16/1999 16:24:22 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Bet you knew finding a good reply would be like shooting fish in a barrel ... Thanks for a super thread ... I'll be skatewing along now.
From: ASKEL5 (askel5@hotmail.com)
137 06/16/1999 16:41:58 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Good thing for him his girlfriend wasn't Amy Fisher.
From: Argh
138 06/16/1999 16:43:45 PDT

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To: Argh

Was the Tuna hurt? He better watch out, the humane society will gut him for that.

From: unixfox
139 06/16/1999 16:56:52 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Did the guy selling the fish have an FFL (FEDERAL FISHPEDDLING LICENSE)? If not, he should be reported to the BATF (BUREAU OF ALBACORE, TUNA & FISHSTICKS)!
From: gc4nra (darkjedirc@jps.net)
140 06/16/1999 16:59:50 PDT

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To: Willie Green
This is shad.
From: cabbie
141 06/16/1999 17:18:07 PDT

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To: Willie Green
He was charged with assault with a deadly weapon. I think they meant "assault with a DEAD weapon."
From: hildy
142 06/16/1999 17:22:56 PDT

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To: hildy
We could sue the fisherman (just for the Halibut).
From: Yet Another Libertarian (lemur@codemode.com)
143 06/16/1999 17:30:08 PDT

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To: Willie Green

His plea will be entered as "not gefilte".

From: Mercuria
144 06/16/1999 17:38:29 PDT

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To: Mercuria
...Which is just another way of saying:"I minnow scent"
From: small voice in the wilderness
145 06/16/1999 17:49:11 PDT

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To: small voice in the wilderness

***laughing my bass off!!!!***

From: Mercuria
146 06/16/1999 17:53:36 PDT

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To: small voice in the wilderness
OK everybody, enough now.

I'm green around the gills.
From: biggerten
147 06/16/1999 17:56:16 PDT

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To: Yet Another Libertarian
"We could sue the fisherman"

The fisherman is ultimately to blame for supplying this deadly fish to the marketplace. We really need to start focusing on those greedy individuals who are flooding the market with these weapons of terror. We need to stand up to them and say, collectively, "Enough, this will not stand."

The ownership of fish was fine in the days of the founding fathers, when the guppy was the state of the art, but even then, Salmon were being introduced. Still, Jefferson and his contemporaries could never have forseen the introduction of tuna, Great Whites, and Rainbow Trout into the hands of any psychologically unbalanced individual who thinks he needs a fish to prove his manhood.

Fish control is the only sane answer to this problem.
From: RogueIsland
148 06/16/1999 18:00:12 PDT

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To: Mercuria
You guys have certainly perched me up. I was floudering from exhaustion and this thread got me back in the swim of things. LOL
From: SissyO1 (ruby@abts.net)
149 06/16/1999 18:03:01 PDT

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To: Willie Green

From: Nick Danger (nickdanger@null.net)
150 06/16/1999 18:23:18 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
OK, people, there is a time and a plaice for this sort of foolishness, but this whole thread has spawned way too much nonsense. Let's get back to the serious matters of the day (and may Cod have mercy on our soles).
From: Darth Servo
151 06/16/1999 18:26:04 PDT

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To: Interesting Times
Wonder if they're gonna dust it for finprints?
From: rowdee (ball1@dmi.net)
152 06/16/1999 18:34:19 PDT

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To: Darth Servo
I agree. The "pencil control" thread of last night was much more important to the survival of the Republic. The fish debate will ultimately prove to be merely a sideshow when compared with that.
From: RogueIsland
153 06/16/1999 18:37:06 PDT

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To: RogueIsland
Don't even get us started about the dangers of second hand(fin?) fish.
From: ksen (ksenecal@agapesystems.com)
154 06/16/1999 19:17:08 PDT

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To: Willie Green
She should have come back with a kielbasi!
From: BobS (bobusa@earthlink.net)
155 06/16/1999 19:21:09 PDT

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To: Willie Green
BTW, was that an Al_B_Gore tuna?
From: cabbie
156 06/16/1999 20:19:29 PDT

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To: Willie Green
Yum, yum, battered fish. (sorry this story is like one of those little ditties that gets stuck in your head and you can't get it out)
From: cabbie
157 06/16/1999 20:26:17 PDT

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To: TO ALL
FLASH! FLASH! THIS JUST IN....because of conflict of interest.....Judge Jack Salmon is being removed from the tuna case.
From: ST.LOUIE1
158 06/16/1999 21:06:17 PDT

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To: ALL
The mayor of San Diego has just anounced a class action lawsuit against Zebco & Abu-Garcia. "These manufacturers must be held accountable for marketing dangerous products to our children."
In a separate anouncement, U.S. Sen. Cuckie Schumer (D-NY) introduced legislation to ban importation of sardine tins exceeding a capacity of 10.
From: Willie Green
159 06/16/1999 21:22:53 PDT

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To: Willie Green

People were trying to find this thread... Bump

160 Posted on 12/23/1999 08:00:01 PST by lepton
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To: lepton

bump

161 Posted on 06/24/2000 13:11:03 PDT by real saxophonist
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To: real saxophonist

Oh Man! Now he'll never get the smell off that fish!

162 Posted on 06/24/2000 13:21:32 PDT by SAMWolf
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To: real saxophonist

I wandered across my bookmark last week, and was considering bumping this up again... :)

163 Posted on 06/26/2000 06:31:28 PDT by lepton
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To: lepton

Let's bump it now.........LOL.

164 Posted on 11/25/2000 11:28:47 PST by Howlin
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To: Howlin

Stinking Bump!

165 Posted on 11/27/2000 15:35:32 PST by Cool Guy
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To: Cool Guy

I love this thread!

166 Posted on 11/27/2000 15:37:44 PST by Howlin
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To: ParrotsUp

bttt

167 Posted on 11/27/2000 15:38:26 PST by bmwcyle
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To: bmwcyle

Fish! I haven't seen him since Barney Miller.

168 Posted on 11/27/2000 15:40:51 PST by PRND21
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To: bmwcyle

Does he get this bump with his new screen name? Just wondering.

169 Posted on 11/27/2000 15:45:56 PST by Cool Guy
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To: bmwcyle

I remember reading this the day it was posted...your reply (9) has to rank as one of the best ever on FR...

170 Posted on 11/27/2000 15:46:55 PST by GuillermoX
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To: GuillermoX

Glad you liked it.

171 Posted on 11/27/2000 16:20:44 PST by bmwcyle
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To: ASKEL5

Bet you knew finding a good reply would be like shooting fish in a barrel ...

I think he was just trolling...

172 Posted on 11/27/2000 18:20:46 PST by ET(end tyranny)
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FreeRepublic , LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794 Forum Version 2.0a Copyright © 1999 Free Republic, LLC

[Willie Green]

This classic thread disappeared from the FR archives a long time ago.
But lo and behold! I was able to find it in the Google cache!

And in recognition of Paula Deen getting smacked in the face with a ham, I thought it deserved a repost.

(TV Chef) Paula Deen Hit In Face With Ham

Happy Thanksgiving to All!!!

[freedomlover]

[DManA]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9SSOWORzw4

[Vaquero]

…and now for something completely different…

[villagerjoel]

I was waiting for that...

[Responsibility2nd]

 

Unnngh..

[paulycy]

[Disambiguator]

That thread is still active.

[mowowie]

Happier times...

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Thanks for posting! This was one of the funniest threads ever on FR. Let’s do the Time Warp again!

[b4its2late]

LOL!

[444Flyer]

This post is "fishy", Mr. Axelrod awaits your call. And make it snappery.

<

[frankenMonkey]

[Verginius Rufus]

Unfortunately the girlfriend’s name is left out. I was hoping it was Wanda.

[vetvetdoug]

You can tuna fish, you can tuna guitar, but you can’t tuna your girlfriend.

[Andonius_99]

I knew I’d see this thread again tuna or later...

[christianhomeschoolmommaof3]

I blame it all on the media. http://www.amazon.com/Jonah-Even-Slappers-Second-Chance/dp/0310704618

[higgmeister]

Well, you had me wondering what was going on.

Can you believe that igmo? Just because Paula Dean can girly chuck a ham a few feet doesn't mean she can catch one back at her, or even get out of the way.

Something always seems to go wrong at Reverend Hosea's legacy event each year.

[2sheds]

[SaraJohnson]

You turkey! Now you are trying to ham up the fish threads so close to Thanksgiving? What next? Willie Green’s eggs and ham?