Posted on 05/27/2009 7:00:52 AM PDT by Milhous
A Frenchman, a German and a Jew walk into a bar. "I'm tired and thirsty," says the Frenchman. "I must have wine." I have long been convinced that two things have allowed we Jews to survive for almost four thousand years and outlive our long list of enemies in the process: religious faith and a burning desire to tell jokes, especially the self deprecating kind. ... I'm also personally discovering that the older a Jew gets, the more he or she wants to tell stories and have them laughed at even if they aren't officially in the comedy trade or even if the jokes they're telling are ancient and have been recounted time and time again. Like me, for example.
Hollywood director and producer Sam Hoffman has came up with the perfect solution: the enormously successful Jewish humor website called "Old Jews Telling Jokes" (www.oldjewstellingjokes.com) which Hoffman launched just last year. Born of his own fondness for the funny tales he heard from his father, family and friends over four decades, the website is just what it's called: Old Jews telling jokes.
"I'm tired and thirsty," says the German. "I must have beer."
"I'm tired and thirsty," says the Jew. "I must have diabetes."
...
(Excerpt) Read more at jewishworldreview.com ...
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Tell you what I’m gonna do
You wanna blue suit?
Irving — Turn on the blue light
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Sorry Captain Shapiro.....
I have no idea what you are talking about, lol. I’m lost.
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I’m not paranoid if a car is really following me!
It’s not passive aggressive, except in imagined tone. Rather this is a Yiddishism.
It's on a 7" reel-to-reel someplace in this mess ............ FRegards
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Hey potlatch!
Gonzo is here
And allegedly working on Gonzomobile-789
!!!
Rodney Dangerfield had the best "Love thy neighbor" joke ever:
"The Bible says that I should Love thy neighbor as thyself. So, what am I supposed to do now? Spank their monkey, too?
Dang, that’s funny typed out right there! Which just means that what turned me off of the show was the whiny delivery of most of the main characters. The only one I liked was Kramer.
And hey - we know what happened to HIS standup career, LOL!
Wonderful! Thank you!
How would your uncle have responded if your aunt told him this story? --
Who/What is That?
A few years ago, Joseph was finally given an exit permit by the Russians and allowed to emigrate to Israel to join his family. He was told that he could only take what he could pack into one suitcase. At Moscow airport he was stopped by an enormous Customs officer who glared at him and snarled "Open the case!"
Joseph opened the case and the Russian rummaged through the meagre belongings and pulled out a large bundle wrapped in old copies of Pravda. He unwrapped it to reveal a bust of Stalin. "What is that"
snarled the customs officer.
"What is that?" said Joseph timidly. "You shouldn't ask 'What is that?', You should ask 'Who is that?'. That is our glorious leader Stalin. I'm taking it to my new home to remind me of all the wonderful things that he did and the marvellous life that I am leaving behind."
"I always knew that you Jews were mad!" said the official, tossing the bust into the case. "Go!"
A few hours later Joseph arrived at Ben Gurion airport and was confronted by an Israeli customs officer. "Shalom, Welcome to Israel. Open the case!"
Once again Joseph's belongings were examined and the customs officer came upon the bust. "What is that" said the customs officer.
"What is that?" said Joseph indignantly. "You shouldn't ask 'What is that?', You should ask 'Who is that?'. That is that bastard, Stalin. I'm taking it to my new home to remind me of all the misery and suffering that he caused me for most of my life. I want to spit on it every day for the rest of my life."
"I always knew that you Russian Jews were mad!" said the official, tossing the bust into the case. "Go!"
At last Joseph arrived in his new home and eventually got round to unpacking watched by his young nephew. He took out his few clothes and
then carefully unwrapped the bust of Stalin and put it on the table. "Who is that?" asked his nephew.
"Who is that?" said Joseph with a smile. "You shouldn't ask 'Who is that?', You should ask 'What is that?'. That is five kilos of gold"
Lol, the 789 is a car I’d love to have!
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I’ll bet you would!
Yes. I looked at the picture of it again.
Can’t find any threads I’m interested in.
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Lemme find a thread
Please do!!
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I can’t even find a needle tonight!
You got lost in the haystack!!
A waitress walks up to two elderly Jewish ladies and asks:
Was anything OK?
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