"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus
Marking for my wife to read. ha ha
When a women rejects you just tell her "Just checkin'" and go about your business.
Verily.
I was given similar advice by my mother-in-law when I married. Unfortunately, I thought everything she knew was as anecdotal as her chicken soup recipe. I didn't really understand until I was 40. Despite the libertine era and all the reading and all the listening, no one was conveying this very basic and significant information.
So much to agree with here. Thank you for posting.
Idle hands are the devil’s workshop. If you take sex out of the marriage, something else takes its place.
ping for later
1 Corinthians 7:2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
The common statement is that getting married kills a woman's sex drive (according the men who complain). It's not that we're not always in the mood, but being grabbed at like bread dough and expected to get all hot and bothered by it just isn't going to work. Just like before the marriage, women still like the attentiveness. The hair stroking, the sweetness, a kiss for no reason. Things that were done before getting married and often forgotten, but it's not deemed as necessary anymore. It might work wonders for both if couples remembered how things were when the first fell in love and kept working on that.
Because women do have high sex drives. It just works differently. (i.e., a man might get in the mood over any physical sensation. women tend to go more by the senses of sound, smell, and touch. which is why a sexy voice, cologne, or those cheesy love songs often work)
marking for later
I was a soldier, and he was a soldier. We both had the same MOS.
I became no longer “in the mood” because I was tired!
I was a soldier
I was a mother (and/or pregnant)
I was a cook
I was a housekeeper
I was a laundress
I was TIRED.
He was a soldier.
He spent Friday afternoons/evenings/nights drinking with his buddies--WHILE I went and picked up the kids--and took 'em home, fed, loved, bathed, and put 'em to bed with bed-time stories.
On RARE occasions, he would traipse downstairs to the laundry room to carry up the cleaned laundry (He NEVER took it down, did the laundry, folded the laundry. Guess who ALWAYS did those...and I had to ASK him to “watch the kids” when I did it.)
He was NOT tired.
I'm blaimin’ ENERGY for the “loss of interest”! (And maybe LOSS OF INTEREST due to ALTERATION OF AFFECTION???)
“When there ain't no loving there ain't no getting along.”
Sexual relations are like a lubricant that eases through any rough spots and reduces wear and tear in your relationship. In other words.... a sexually satisfied man will put up with a lot (and vice versa).
As they say...
“A good man is like tile. If you lay him good you can walk on him for years.” ;)
First of all, thanks for replying to many of the posts here. I find the comments by you and others to be very helpful and informative!
I am a happily married man; my wife and I are "empty-nesters". Our kids are scattered around the US: working, going to college, in the military, or "finding themselves".
Now, I would like to say that going to work each day (5 out of 7, anyway) should not depend on my mood. I work because of duty, but also because I enjoy it. Its fulfilling to me. I get alot of my self-esteem from work. When I don't feel like going to work, the mood often fades after my feet get moving. And having a good day or bad day rarely is anticipated in advance, and depends little on my initial early morning mood. (Attitude and the influence it can have is another topic altogether! LOL)
I would like to think that such is the situation with my wife and our love life. And I would hope that most good marriages are similar in a way: the woman enjoys sex, she knows that her mood is not all-important but can be a factor, she gets positive self-image from love-making, and it can be seen as a duty but is much more enjoyable if embraced as a part of life.
Having said all that, I would like to point out that there is maturity to be gained for most men in dealing with not always getting sex when they want it. Legitimate reasons for a woman to negotiate a night off include (IMHO) fatigue, pain, illness, and emotional upset. These go beyond mood. Sure, "emotional upset" is subjective. And every relationship is different. But the kind of roller-coaster-day I am talking about might include: picking up a teenager from jail, sending a son to bootcamp, or hearing about an adult child's pending divorce.
Besides, making love can be simply laying together, holding her, soothing her and nothing more!
Knowing that my wife recognizes my need and will try to be available for me tomorrow night -- or even a few days from now -- is reassuring and it defuses my typical "hurt and angry" reaction.
Flexibility is key in a give and take relationship. I thank God for mine lasting as long as it has and pray that He continues to bless my wife and I with what it takes to grow and prosper.
I am interested in comments from any & all.
For later reading
good article.
Mrs SV realized years ago that giving herself to me ensured her of plenty of help around the house, with the kids etc.
Men’s needs are so simple: sex, sports & snacks. Make sure your man has plenty of these and he will be a happy husband.
Bump
Dr. Laura’s “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” illustrates these concepts. Of course she was roundly trashed for her backwards thinking.
I find that appreciating each other, doing things for each other and alot of flirting keeps things nice and spicy.
Of course periodic deployments don’t hurt!
Merry Christmas! GG
Bullshit.... I just get pissed off and leave cupboard doors open and let her take out the trash... Childish things of this nature!
She smiled and said, "No, silly...I mean if you want to have sex you're gonna have to buy me something".
Of course, I'm always broke now!!!
Women are EMOTIONAL. If they are not prepared EMOTIONALLY you might as well be raping her to satisfy yourself. It takes TWO to enjoy that act. Often it takes some TLC from hubby to get her “in the mood” instead of the “wham bam ...”.