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help with a young child and loss of a pet (BIG TIME VANITY)

Posted on 04/17/2007 6:30:34 PM PDT by randyclark

I am much more of a lurker than a poster, but I have always respected and appreciated the thoughts of fellow conservatives here. I had to put down my German Shepherd recently, and my son of 2 1/2 years has been looking for him from time to time. I ask for any advice, as I try to keep this calm and reassuring for him. My son referred to him as the "black dragon" due to the size, jaw, and tail. The dog was 100 lbs of absolute loyalty, teeth and fur to my family. Thanks in advance to you all.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: children; dog; gsd
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To: randyclark; Alberta's Child
Thanks, AC. It's sad news, but I'd get another dog.

Randyclark, if your son ask what happened to Black Dragon, I would say, "well, I don't know what happened to him but he left his son for us to take care of" and I would start playing with the new puppy. The new puppy doesn't have to be a German Shepherd, could be any breed. I love little dogs.

61 posted on 04/17/2007 7:33:31 PM PDT by Victoria Delsoul (If you think the world's dangerous, and you need a tough guy... that's me [Rudy] --Newt Gingrich)
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To: randyclark
Ruger Dog is sorry for you loss!

Tell your child the truth. He may not understand but he will someday and you will never have an incident when he realizes that he was lied to and feels betrayed.

Tough spot. Prayers for you!


62 posted on 04/17/2007 7:33:51 PM PDT by Syntyr (Freepers - In the top %5 of informed Americans!)
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To: randyclark
Be honest with him. It's not unusual for children under the age of 4 to ask about the death repeatedly.

My daughter in-laws sister had to remind her three year old toddler almost daily that his little brother went to heaven when he was only seven days old. The poor little guy till tried to dig at the grave the first time they visited because he thought the baby couldn't breath under dirt. If you are a Christian use the term heaven. Please do not use the term special sleep. It will make them afraid of surgery if that comes up within a year or two.
63 posted on 04/17/2007 7:36:15 PM PDT by armymarinemom (My sons freed Iraqi and Afghan Honor Roll students.)
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To: spunkets

Get him a puppy. At 2 1/2 he does not know what death means and the new puppy will feel the void. I have been there and do that too. Good luck and God Bless.


64 posted on 04/17/2007 7:39:03 PM PDT by sibb1213
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To: randyclark

So sorry for the loss of your canine friend.


65 posted on 04/17/2007 7:39:59 PM PDT by TASMANIANRED (Taz Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge)
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To: Victoria Delsoul

Thanks, Victoria. These things are hard enough for adults to handle . . . they can really turn a small child’s world upside down.


66 posted on 04/17/2007 7:47:29 PM PDT by Alberta's Child (Can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep?)
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To: basil

Excellent advice. Children must learn that their pets do die but to explain it so beautifully is what is important. Remember to tell the child we NEVER REPLACE the last pet. We will always remember him. We just give a new pet a brand new family to love and for us to love and take care of each other. They will understand eventually.


67 posted on 04/17/2007 7:49:54 PM PDT by cubreporter
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To: randyclark
At that age, a child can’t possibly comprehend death.
Just keep telling him the dog died and went to-wherever you believe the dog’s essence - went.
Take all visible physical reminders of the dog away from view, gradually.
Don’t remind the child of how much you also miss the dog, but if he brings it up, say you miss him too, and leave it at that.
If you are in the position to get another pet, get a cat, bird, turtle, lizard, hamster or fish first, before you get another dog.
Something different than another dog, so your very small child isn’t conflicted about freely loving another animal, and isn’t “replacing” the dead dog in his heart and mind.
Learn to value time as a primary and valuable source of healing emotional wounds.
You will need to have learned that well before your 2 1/2 year old is a ten.
Best wishes!
68 posted on 04/17/2007 7:50:32 PM PDT by sarasmom
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To: randyclark

Cynthia Rylant has written two books for children about pets in heaven. They are titled Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven. They are quite sweet stories.


69 posted on 04/17/2007 8:00:33 PM PDT by Dianna
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To: Alberta's Child
Yes, but he is very young as well. So I would try to cheer him up by getting him a new puppy.

Gotta finish some work here.

Nighty night.

70 posted on 04/17/2007 8:04:00 PM PDT by Victoria Delsoul (If you think the world's dangerous, and you need a tough guy... that's me [Rudy] --Newt Gingrich)
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To: Victoria Delsoul
OK, thanks.

Good to see you this evening. Sweet dreams!

71 posted on 04/17/2007 8:06:21 PM PDT by Alberta's Child (Can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep?)
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To: Enosh

Break the news carefully. I would recommend watching the movie “All Dogs Go To Heaven” with him, so that he will know that his friend is in a good place, even if he is no longer with the family.

A new dog will not soothe the loss as much as giving him confidence that his friend is okay.


72 posted on 04/17/2007 8:12:10 PM PDT by kozmocostello
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To: randyclark
Your child will be more effected (adversely or not) by your reaction to the dogs death than the actual death itself. A 2 1/2 year old doesn’t know death or permanent separation but he will recognize a change in his parents behavior.
73 posted on 04/17/2007 8:12:32 PM PDT by nitzy (America is a Nation not an economy)
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To: randyclark

Did he like to hug or kiss the dog as a lot of children that age do? If so, pictures are powerful reminders of the ones we loved. Just print out a picture of the dog, frame it, put it by his bed, then at bedtime say a little prayer with him or just tell him a story with the dog as a character, then let him kiss the dog picture goodnight. I just lost a 16 yr old terrier, and I posted a picture of her on the fridge door. Tears swelled in my eyes for the first month every time I looked at that picture of her...now it just makes me smile.


74 posted on 04/17/2007 8:15:58 PM PDT by HomersNose
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To: randyclark
Be as honest as you can with your son considering his age, but don't assume he can't understand. I made the mistake of assuming my own son couldn't handle the death of his puupy and I'm still suffering for it. Several years ago, while my son was at grandma's, I accidentally ran over his puppy, Elvis. Elvis died in my driveway.

I decided my son was too young and delicate for the truth so, in a panic, I embellished a bit. Yes, I lied. You see, my son loved this little stray that wandered into our yard. I told him Elvis had been hit by a car and was in the hospital.

I knew all along what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't bear to tell him the truth. My husband had actually buried the dog before my son came home. My son kept asking to see his puppy. I had to tell him that his friend didn't make it and that he had died. The poor boy was in such anguish over the loss of his beloved pet.

He'd heard of a local pet mortuary that cremated pets and wanted to have Elvis cremated. Oh boy. Now I was in a mess. Well, I explained what cremation was and explained that he'd only be getting the ashes of his pet. He didn't care. He wanted something to hold on to.

I did a cruel thing. At the time, in my mind, it wasn't cruel. I was only trying to keep my son from finding out the details of the death. I filled a small bag full of ashes from our fire pit and placed them in a box for him.

Dear God, how awful I felt. First, I killed his puppy. Then I lied to him. I compounded the lie by deceiving him into thinking I'd actually given him the remains of his dog. I was bound for hell for sure for doing this to my little boy. But, in the back of my mind, I justified it by telling myself that he was only 4; that he'd eventually forget Elvis and move on when we got another puppy.

You know what? He's never forgotten. He's 11 now and he still has that bag of ashes in his room in a "special place" along with pictures of him and his dog.

For the sake of your own conscious man, tell your boy the truth!!

I believe it's time for me to confess as well.

75 posted on 04/17/2007 8:28:44 PM PDT by PleaseNoMore
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To: Enosh

Sorry, I’m very much a Christian, and I’m a grandmother many times over, but the thought of “doggie heaven” has comforted me through the loss of many dogs over the years.


76 posted on 04/17/2007 8:32:12 PM PDT by basil
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To: spunkets

Yes, Pet...can I have a “Y!” LOL!


77 posted on 04/17/2007 8:49:50 PM PDT by Hildy ("man's reach exceeds his grasp"? It's a lie: man's grasp exceeds his nerve.)
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To: RavenATB
Use this as a life lesson for your child...that life is precious, but not predictable. Reinforce the notion that people should treasure the blessing they have while they have them.

I think that is way too advanced and beyond the understanding of a two year old and in the unlikely case they do understand may well only upset them.

I also want to say to Randy that it's unfortunate there are a**holes on this, as on any other forum, that never let an opportunity go by to say something petty, mean, hurtful and designed to make someone that already feels lousy and upset - maybe so upset they did not express themselves very well in their vanity post or comment - to make them feel even worse. I not referring to Raven of course, but to people who post things like "teach him to lurk as well". Ungenerous of me, but to them I can only say I hope you get the same treatment the next time something miserable happens to you, as it surely will.

78 posted on 04/17/2007 10:08:53 PM PDT by Northern Alliance
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To: Syntyr
One of my ten. Photo Sharing and Video 
Hosting at Photobucket
79 posted on 04/18/2007 12:15:32 AM PDT by Northern Alliance
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To: LoneConservative

That’s really a nice story, isn’t it?

I sure hope it’s true. There are several old and dear friends I’ll meet there.


80 posted on 04/18/2007 4:52:57 AM PDT by upchuck (A living, breathing example of the Peter Principle. Oh, forgetful, too :)
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