Posted on 02/13/2007 10:08:57 AM PST by GottaLuvAkitas1
The question is college , not child support.
After the age of 18 should a parent/parents be responsible for college and living expenses?
When did college become a right and not a privilege?
It cuts both ways. A lot of the baby boomers who didn't save for retirement better hope their kids make enough money to support them.
>>Divorce just screws up a bunch of things<<
You can say that again.
>>and it is a legal question.<<
Yes, and easily resolved. Here is the key: Plans change due to circumstances. You may have money saved to buy your kid a car when he/she turns 16, but it is not their money. Meanwhile, a month before they turn 16, the family faces a financial crisis and must use that money to resolve it. Sorry kid, we tried.
Same EXACT THING with college. The parents get THEIR money via split or whatever else they agree to, then each deciedes how to spend their money on the kid when the kid is an adult (over 18)
And just as justifiably: Sorry kid, we tried.
That's life. Maybe more parents should think about that before they jump into divorce.
Love is a decision. Choose wisely.
My beloved (but infuriating) 19 year old daughter has had a college fund since she was 3 months old. We faithfully saved for 18 years, invested well. There's enough to fund all college expenses for 4 years at a public university.
Daughter dropped all classes but one and flunked that one first semester. After 2 weeks of spring semester she dropped her classes again,said she wasn't sure she wanted to go to college.
Hubby's and my response: "We love you dearly but are done fronting tuition money. Except for health insurance premiums, you are now financially on your own. If you want to go to college or vocational school, you have to pay for your tuition and books. When you produce a 3.0 + GPA report card each semester, we'll be happy to reimburse you. By the way, the college fund will be held in reserve until you're 25--after that it becomes Mama's vacation/jewelry/facelift fund." LOL
By the time I was 21, I had graduated Phi Beta Kappa/Phi Kappa Phi/Summa Cum Laude, had no debt and $3,000 in the bank---and I had far fewer advantages than daughter ever had. Beloved daughter will either get her act together or live in Minimum Wage Hell the rest of her life. What else can Hubby and I do? She's now an adult--financially and legally responsible for her actions.
We love our beautiful daughter more than life itself---but we won't continue to reward laziness and bad behavior.
When I was in college, my parents paid for my car insurance and that was it. They expected me to manage the costs with scholarships, and I did (plus a couple of moderate student loans).
I don't have any children yet, but I definitely do not plan on setting aside any large amount of money for college.
That's what we've done, also.
A better question might be: If your child is 18-21, but is still being supported by you financially (college, housing food, car insurance etc.) shouldn't you have the right to know:
1. her grades per semester from the college
2. when the nurse calls from the doctors' office with results from a test that was done while you were present, do you really need to get a lecture about "privacy law" as why you can't know the results when your child is not available to take the call, especially since you, or your insurance, is paying the bill
These are just two of the aggravating circumstances that I have encountered with my 18-19 year old in the past year.
My husband and I have told both of our girls that we will pop for the bachelor's degree, but after that, the college expenses are theirs. My eldest daughter is about to find out what getting a masters degree from a pricey east-coast college is going to cost, she graduates from Carnegie-Mellon this May.
No child support ordered in this case because the kid lives with both parents. The kid is suing both parents for her college and living expenses starting this coming fall.
~~Her father told her to do this so because they don't have anything in the divorce about collge. Her father is paying the fees right now.~~
New question: (this is for the parents who think it is their responsibility to pay no matter what)
How much is enough? What if the kid wants only private schools and wants to live alone or decides to live in a CA. loft?
LOL. Yikes. That's a pretty keen observation. There was no family business and my parents are not well off, but I did turn down a scholarship from LULAC and opted to work through college.
I think the following is reasonable minimum:
2 years community school living at home.
2-3 years at a public university living in a dorm.
You are right and wrong. Love is a choice, choose it. What happens is people decide to love. Here is how they do it...I love her because, she's cute, has a good body, makes me feel good, has lovely hair (some guys get off on that), is smart, is confident, etc. So, they decide they are in love. Later as years go by, they decide, well...she's not really that cute...the one sitting at the bar is cute; she's not that smart, etc., and then they decide to divorce. But if you choose in spite of your decision, you might be lucky enough to have chosen love.
Rant over...back to trashing the ungrateful kids who want college tuition paid for...
Your question suggests that you have been led to believe that you are somehow obligated. You cannot be compelled by the force of any existing law to provide any support beyond the child's eighteenth birthday. You should have been preparing the child for the inevitability of his/her need to support him/herself beginning on that day. Having sketched out the minimalist position, most parents provide some range of assistance depending on their means and inclination. Take it from there and do what you want.
Females are outpacing males in college by nearly 60 to 40% in many colleges. At least around Tennessee.
My post was not meant to be definitive for all people. I do not believe in prejudice or discrimination, but I do believe in cultural trends.
The plain fact is that, in general, there are many American kids who have everything handed to them and don't feel the need to work. That is not true in other countries, where kids and young adults will work long hours in brutal conditions for a motor scooter.
It's not the cheap wages overseas that are the problem; it's the willingness to work that has been lost by too many here in the name of liberal "compassion".
Nothing a nation can do is more cruel and less compassionate than taking away an able-bodied person's ability to earn their own way and dignity by cutting him or her a government check. Same applies to over-indulgent parents. The good things in life aren't free; people have to bust their butts to get them. Too many kids and Americans in general have forgotten that.
I've paid my own way including college since I was 14 even though my parents had more than enough money to pay for everything I needed.
I started working at 14 so I could have a 1st class hot rod, paid for, when I turned 16.
My parents didn't believe in giving me things, I was expected to work for them which I did starting out with designated chores and got a paper route when I was 8 and started a savings account to buy what I needed and to have a reserve.
Parents today giving their kids everything is absolutely wrong!!!!!!
Or at least know something about electricity, plumbing construction
No on forcing parents to pay. However, I hate it when I hear stories about parents making financial promises to their children and then not coughing up when the time comes. My own parents did that to me a couple of times when I was younger. I didn't expect them to pay for things generally, but if they told me they would and I made plans based on that I could have gotten in over my head financially.
Oh you sound like my husband. But I don't see any reason to pay for college just so the little darling can go to school and have a good time.
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