Posted on 08/28/2006 4:09:24 AM PDT by RobFromGa
Dear Rob,
"Cheated" twice with a couple beers a couple times over the last couple days, though, nominally, it'll be three weeks "clean" on Tuesday. This adds to guilt, but is the only way I can get myself relaxed enough to keep from bawling out of extremely-uncool and undeserved self-pity.
I'm under great medical observation, and a crapload of antidepressants [x,y, and z].
Tell me, Rob, what it is I'm recovering "from" and why, since this world is such a [messed up] place? When I was a drunk, sure, I'd be moody in the mornings, productive at work (and I NEVER drank during the day), and everyone's friend once I got home. Now it's just constant depression and having to face a [messed] up world (with way too many liberals in it .
I'm a very proud, spiritual Christian, but I'm even too ashamed to pray, at least at length, since both He and I know that I am the problem.
The real abstraction here is if this horrid beautiful watery place is better with or without my presence. That last sentence isn't a "cry for help - please hug me I'm hurting, Oprah" throwaway - it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".
What I need is reason/cognition/rationalization, and maybe I'll increase my [x] or extend it for a couple more weeks.
You're an Internet pal, trustworthy by sheer virtue of being a Conservative, and, your advice and wisdom is easier to follow exactly because I do NOT know you personally.
If you don't mind redacting my screenname, feel free to poll/ping the Recovery List. I'll "come out" when I'm ready, I promise.
God Bless You and have a great week,
"When someone is down, kick him in the seat of the pants. Gives them an incentive to get up."
Brother Dave Gardner
You need to find a third choice since neither of these is appealing,
You need to create that third choice, but I would suggest that it includes healthy, sober, well-adjusted and grateful me that everyone loves and trusts. Bring this person into existence and you will have succeeded. And make no mistake, this person is inside of you, you just need to uncover him.
Are you aware that when Michalangelo did a sculpture he believed that the essence of the sculpture was already inside of the stone and that he was just chipping away the extraneous stone around it. You might want to think of yourself as a better person who is being created. You control what that creation will look like.
I'm here if you need someone to talk to, anytime....sparklingeviain@yahoo.com God is there for you, I promise!
He ain't heavy
He's my brother.
I won't enable him in any way, but I will help. I'll contact you under separate cover with my offer: and it is a take-it-or-leave-it proposition for our FRiend.
*DieHard the Guardian Angel*
but I'm even too ashamed to pray
Dear Freeper and friend...
This is exactly what Satan wants....he wants you too ashamed to reach out to the only help out there.....the God of the universe, the one who made you ....who knit you together in your mother's womb.
Help is a prayer away!!!
There was a time, under different circumstances, I too thought there was no hope...
..and all I could muster was 'God help!'...
He did.
Please please pray....and meantime, many of us will be praying intercessory prayers for you.
In the kindest tone I can muster, your friend needs to remember that we are ALL living in this world. Not just him/her. And complaining about it sounds like a cop-out, IMO. There are more personal issues your friend hasn't addressed, I'd bet. Issues that very much need addressing.
it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues".
The person is selling his friends, family and acquaintances short. Sounds like being afraid to trust that he/she can be accepted without the booze. Or, he/she is inventing rationale and justification to return to drinking.
In addition to not acknowleging the real possibility of harming or killing another innocent person while being "happy, intoxicated and likely-to-be-shorter-lived".
Lots of denial, rationalization and excuses still going on, it seems. I'm praying for your friend.
I am so sorry for your loss. You bring up very good points about the minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day survival process that is crucial to getting through crisis and overcoming addiction.
I suffered life threatening depression and lots of alcohol abuse following the death of my wife.
It takes time. But I started focusing on nutrition, and I can say unequivocally that certain things DO HELP.
I take Vit D, Calcium and Magnesium daily. And if I miss a day, the first place it shows is my mood. Same affect for my mutt.
People do not know how great the group really is. Millions have used it to get back their self-respect and self-confidence enough to give up the alcohol - a true poison to the brain.
I pray for you to turn back to God, in Jesus name.
Prayers sent for your friend.
This is the only way I made it through.
Things will get better but not overnight and not in just a short time.
Hang in there!
Wow, thanks for sharing your story. You give good advice to those in pain, thanks. We do not solve these issues all at once, it is a process and it gets easier as time passes. I am sorry for your loss.
A woman I care very much about got messed up pretty badly, partially but not primarily due to her own acts. She has almost completely recovered...physically.
She is a Christian believer, though not a "conventional" one. I'm more of a Deist than anything else, I don't neccesarily believe in prayer or "divine intervention", though I don't entirely disbelieve in the latter.
She's been attributing her recovery to divine intervention, and not giving herself any credit. Indeed, she gets irked with me when I say that she deserves much of the credit.
Finally I told her that giving herself some of the credit doesn't neccesarily take away from any assistance she got from God, any more than it takes away from what the docs did to save her life. I mentioned that if anything, God would be proud of her for fighting for her recovery, just like her family is and I am. This seemed to sink in quite a bit.
It sounds like your friend has been through the tough part, and has plenty to be proud of, so if prayer is truly a source of strength for him/her, there's absolutely no reason to refrain out of shame.
-Eric
A lot of what I want to say has been said before, but I will speak from the heart.
I too remember the cold dark place of self-loathing: I am so sorry you find yourself there. You must stand and go forth from there.
Put the plug in the jug: I told myself 15 years ago that if I didn't put booze in my mouth today, I could say I'd done one thing perfectly right. Take that as a small goal for today, and that will be enough.
It gets better. Giving up alcohol is like the funeral of your best friend. Don't make big plans or drastic changes. Just keep it simple. See previous paragraph.
Active Alcoholism (drinking) is about self-pity, denial, darkness, compulsion, obsession, repeat. That's the ride you chose. That's the ride you're on. Get off. See above.
There will be a brighter day. Your esteem will return but you must do esteemable things. Small ones first, see above.
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