Posted on 08/06/2006 4:28:00 AM PDT by SLB
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"I cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply.
Filthy story teller, despot, liar, theif, braggart, buffoon, usurper, monster, ignoramus Abe, old scoundrel, perjurer, swindler, tyrant, field-butcher, land-pirate..
Harpers magzine on Abraham Lincoln
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. -John Tudor
"Stupid git!"
(BTW, just what is a `git', anyway?)
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. -Henry Kissinger
I think it's the little bit of skin right below the gobutit.
Shalom.
Get over here!
One that I used on a particularly arrogant person of "Size". I don't know if I heard it somewhere, adapted it or it just popped out of my anger.
"Just because your a$$ exerts a gravitational pull, doesn't mean the Universe revolves around you"
PJ O'Rourke - "Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work. Then they get elected and prove it."
"That is a nice haircut you gave yourself."
Feel free to use anytime.
Did ol Ralph become a bitter old man in his waning years?
This is a long one, but at the time, I thought quite classy.
Ft. Bragg....Headquarter's Battery XVIII Airborne. Company formation
First Sgt.: Any questions?
Newbie, Buck private: "Sgt. what happens if my main chute fails to deploy"
First Sgt.: "Outstanding question. Listen up everyone.
Immediately spread your legs forming an Isosceles triangle. With both hands, fingers extended and joined and pointed at the center of the triangle's base, bend forward until the center of the top of your head is positioned on the center point of the triangle's base. Immediately tuck your head up 45 degrees while grasping your buttocks with both hands and kiss your ass goodbye".
First Sgt.: Any more questions?
Top Ten Insults For Dave Letterman
Presented live and in person
by Don Rickles
February 5, 1996
10. Do yourself a favor, Letterman -- make an appointment with a brain surgeon
9. Who picks your clothes -- Stevie Wonder?
8. Why are you always speeding, Letterman? It's not like you've got people holding their breath til you get there
7. Personally, I liked you better when you were on the cover of Mad" magazine"
6. Don't look now, but something died on your head
5. This is the part of the show where I always say to myself, 'I wonder what Koppel's doing tonight'
4. Ball State -- now there's a real hotbed of rocket scientists
3. If Drew Barrymore hadn't flashed you, you wouldn't have had any sex life at all
2. Hey, Dave, I'm having an Oscar party this year. I hope you won't be working that night
1. Letterman, let's face it -- you put the 'suck' in success
Gunnery Sgt Hartman (Full Metal Jacket) is the finest I have seen on film. Sheer poetry!
Good ones! thanks.
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
I figgered my NASCAR buds would enjoy. Having heard Jr on XM 144, I wish I could ping him. He has a very sharp wit, which I must admit, surprised me.
Sort of like Junior Samples on Hee Haw.
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