The other face of domestic violence

CNN ^ | April 7, 2006 | Ted Rowlands

[CrawDaddyCA]

SARASOTA, Florida (CNN) -- When I met Leo, Paul and Tom at a domestic violence shelter here in Sarasota, Florida, it was hard to believe the three men's story: that they were victims of physical abuse at the hands of their female partners.

Leo, who is about 6 feet tall and said he weighed more than 200 pounds at the time of the abuse, said his girlfriend terrorized him while he was recovering from a heart transplant.

[Mamzelle]

re: All I can say is that men should be very careful who they marry. )))

Many chronically abused women have a streak of neurosis and masochism that needs managing--an observation that is non-PC.

[LuxMaker]

When I used to live over a meth lab, I had 4 different neighbors in the span of 8 months. They would fight quite often and when it sounded like they were killing each other then the police came to take someone away. I suspect that a lot of domestic violence is caused by meth exposure either due to a nearby lab or the use of it itself.

[conservative cat]

In this society, women are ALWAYS victims, and men are ALWAYS the agressors. Forget what the facts and the statistics say.

I dunno about that. My ex-husband flipped out on me and attacked me at a parking lot of a store when we were going through our divorce. (This was normal for him- he did it our entire marriage.) A store employee called the police when they witnessed it (he had broken my cell phone, so I would not have been able to call.) When the cops got there, the one actually asked me if I was sure I hadn't provoked him and asked if maybe it wasn't just a mutual physical fight- like maybe I had been getting in his face and he was just trying to get away from me. (I was agreeing with everything the ex said and trying to get in the car to get away from him the whole time.) They never did arrest the ex (despite all the supposed laws about putting one person in jail.) He was able to plea bargain some deal, take a few classes, and have it dropped from the record.

Now... If I, as a woman with witnesses, have that kind-of treatment, I can only imagine what would happen if a guy would call the cops.

[hinckley buzzard]

it is a given that Male>Female abuse rates are always going to be many times higher than the reverse.

This statement is false. Beginning with Behind Closed Doors and all subsequent empirical research, the occurrence of domestic violence initiated by women has been known to be equal to that initiated by men. Furthermore, violence perpetrated by women tends to involve the use of weapons moreso than when done by men.

I don't blame you for being ignorant, the feminazis have had their way with you. But you owe it to yourself to get informed so you don't embarrass yourself with such statements in the future.

[Bon mots]

WOMEN! You can't live with 'em,
you can't bury them in the backyard without the neighbors seeing.

[xarmydog]

In the days before wireless home phones,my ex had a 25 foot phone line so she could talk anywhere in the house,which,when not in use[very rarely]was curled up in the living room in a large circle.She had a habit of screaming and yelling at me,which I hated,over just about anything.One day,she started in because I was 20 minutes late coming home from work,as the car crapped out on me.We got into an argument,whereupon she picked up my guitar and flung it across the room.As I went to retrieve it,I tripped on the phone cord,and the phone flew off the hook hitting her in the stomach.Not hard at all.By the next day ,[NY],she had an apartment,food stamps,money,and a lawyer appointed by the state.All before noon!I filed for a divorce,but she wanted to try and reconcile.So for the next two weeks,she would spend the weekends with me,and go home to mommy during the week.During her stay on the weekends,I could not sleep with her,as that was my choice.I couldn't picture spending my life with a woman who had lied to CPS,her story to them was,I kicked her in the stomach.When I asked her why she lied,she replied her mother told her to say that to make it easier to get'assistance'.Then I realized I could not live with a traitor.When we went in front of the judge,I was not allowed to say anything in my own defense!I was tried,and convicted without due process.I was awarded 1 hour of visitation with my newborn baby girl a month!Supervised at my sisters house with her and mommy dearest present.For that one hour every month,my daughter was terrified of me,as I was a stranger to her.All the while they looked on with glee.I lasted 7 months,and couldn't bring myself to put her through that anymore.To me,it was child abuse.My only regret was I did not have the money for a lawyer to try and change what was going on.I tried a few times,but I still had to go in front of the same judge which was a waste of time.I have never had a police record of any type,then and now,but my military record was brought up,and instead of helping me,it hurt my case.I was considered a dangerous man due to some of the training I had while in.I ended up throwing in the towel.All my money went to worthless lawyers,rent,and support.The money I made for food was by playing in bars,and if it weren't for my guitar,I would have starved to death.No one more than I,wish this was not a true story.I know of others this has happened to,and I can sympathize with them.The only good thing that came out of it,was,The judges wife left him for another man[lawyer]after 35 years of marriage,and she got every thing!House,money,alimony,etc.I made it a point to call the judge at his house,and gloated,How does it feel to have it done to you?!

[Philistone]

How about 174 of them?

Cal State Long Beach.

Very good site.

[rlmorel]

"..the occurrence of domestic violence initiated by women has been known to be equal to that initiated by men..."

This may indeed be true. A woman slapping a man's face is "initiating" the occurence. But, in the same way a man is 75% more likely to succeed in suicide, a man is also much more likely to cause significant harm in a physical altercation. This is my opinion, but given human behavior, I would suspect it is true.

I don't take it personally that you called me ignorant, even though I would not use that word with someone I don't know.

I do, however know men and women. IF you believe that men and women are equally as agressive, you do not understand human nature.

Believe me, I have worked in a hospital for 25 years. I see these things. I do not buy into the Feminist arguments. I buy into reality, which is what MOST conserveratives do, or should do. Liberals see things as they wish to see them, that is a hallmark of liberalism. That is something I believe you are doing here.

I do not like the fact that men are this way, but I am not embarrased by it, it is human nature and I believe that man has control over his innate nature. We are not slaves of it and can master it. But I am not going to close my eyes to reality. You shouldn't either.

[WorkingClassFilth]

I agree with most of what you say, but you do not seem to have read my post or have adequate rebuttals to what I have written. You are seeing only trees, not the forest. Read through the posts here and you will see what I mean...

[rlmorel]

I don't think we are really that far apart.

I agree with everything except your characterization of my opinion as a "prejudice" that men are more aggressive than women.

If you read my remarks, that is the ONLY thing I took issue with, I did NOT (and do not) take issue with the rest of your statements in Post #28, I did not say so, but I thought the post was pretty spot on except for statement #1.

I think you took my exception as a blanket disagreement. It was not. My whole post was focused on male agression.

And by the way, I do not think "agression" is a bad thing. Some circles have given it bad overtones, but agressive behavior is what makes men, well...men. It is part of what makes us what we are. As men, we can (and do) channel that agressiveness towards constructive ends. Many feminists negatively characterize all male agression as PHYSICAL agression towards women, and that is only one facet of it, and a fairly small one, in my opinion.

[WorkingClassFilth]

I, too, share your upbringing. Likewise, I cannot personally testify to the truth of many posts on this thread that detail and describe F-->M abuse and violence. I do know, however, that evidence suggests F-->M violence is higher than the other way around.

You and a couple other posters exemplify what I would say is positive enculturation (if a little naive) about the assumed nature and direction of inter-sex violence. I have read studies here on FR that describe this counterintuitive reality as well as other places in the past.

When you stop to think of the fact that women today are being taught not so much to be more free as women TO BE WOMEN, but rather, they are taught TO BE LIKE MEN even while masculine traits are being suppressed in men. As one poster pointed out about lesbian violence in a gay bar, the characteristics of abnormal roles does, indeed, have consequence. It should be no surprise that the feminist movement, to a abnormal degree, is lead by ideological goals and measures from a essentially lesbian leadership.

Witness the rise of illegitimate children in black America. The last I heard, the rate was well over 70%. Now take those single, female head households and what do you get? Most would say the astronomical criminal rate in young black males. It may be more than a working class filth like me is prepared to handle on this thread to analyze, but if you've ever watched such 'families' operate you know that one characteristic is a domineering and often abusive mother often stretched beyond her ability to cope. Chronic drug abuse and unresolved psychological issues stemming from family of origin abuse leads to much of the same. Males come out of these families supercharged with anger over abuse and without a strong male role model to channel their anger or natural drives. Women, in turn a victimized, left with children, and the cycle repeats. The fact is that it is an epidemic and underlies most of our crime as a contributing factor.

Consequently, as young males grow up under this abuse, they, in turn, act toward females in the same way and, thus reinforce the inter-sex hostility that is endemic in much of black America. Think about it - this miserable state of affairs from a time when per capita divorce was lower than white America in less than 40 years. Still, the blame comes to roost on the criminal male yet nobody utters a single syllable of recrimination against the violent and abusive women that often head such households.

No, we can all acknowledge that testosterone is abundant in males and that, channeled properly, is a good thing. What we need to see is that females, to an ever growing degree, are becoming more violent and it is hidden and fostered by a feminized culture that is making an active war on men and young boys.

[WorkingClassFilth]

Thanks! I knew some FReeper would have the straight dope. Imagine what that guy must endure at his department coffee meetings...

[WorkingClassFilth]

See the link on post #47. It should put some new perspective on this issue.

[Philistone]

This may indeed be true. A woman slapping a man's face is "initiating" the occurence. But, in the same way a man is 75% more likely to succeed in suicide, a man is also much more likely to cause significant harm in a physical altercation. This is my opinion, but given human behavior, I would suspect it is true.

Men are (for obvious reasons) less likely to seek medical attention or call the cops unless the injury is incapacitating. Plus, being generally larger and stronger (I said generally - don't flame me), an equivalent amount of force will cause greater damage to a woman than a man.

Doesn't mean the women aren't trying!

[rlmorel]

I agree with this completely. For a variety of reasons, domestic violence is underreported on men, as the other poster workingclassfilth aptly stated.

I would guess many, if not most men are not going to press any kind of charges if they were assaulted by their wives, but the reasons may often be different than those given by a woman who refuses to press charges.

[ishabibble]

I went back and read this article a second time.

Paul, alleged abuser, six months in jail.

Darlene Hilker, admitted abuser, 16 weeks counseling.

I am a woman who has heard the most incredibly vile things from other women about their treatment of their husbands/boyfriends. It is about power.

Witness the explosion of women raping young boys: It is about power. This is one area where the LEO almost never get it right.

[SauronOfMordor]

And some of them are scared to death not that they'll be harmed, but that the psycho woman will hurt the kids if they move out and leave her alone with the kids

I know a guy who stayed with his wife as she moved deeper and deeper into psychosis for just this reason.

And Kong, there are a number of men who get abused by women. Female abuse often takes the form of threatening to ruin the guy's life with false accusations of abuse. Female violence against men is more likely to involve a weapon than male violence against women, and often happens while the guy is sleeping or otherwise unable to defend himself

[hinckley buzzard]

As I said, you need to go home and educate yourself. Your answer reveals that you are indeed living in a world of cliches and stereotypes.

After you finish patting yourself on the back for working in a hospital, go read some actual data-based research on the occurrence of domestic violence. And pay attention to the fact that many male victims not only do not report assaults, or seek treatment when they should, but also lie about the source of their injuries, out of shame, when they do go for treatment.

[starbase]

I made it a point to call the judge at his house,and gloated,How does it feel to have it done to you?!

I'm sorry to hear about your experience, but I wanted to know, what did the judge say to you when you called him?

And that sucks with your daughter, but I think you were right to stop the visits. One hour a month is no relationship at all. But if it helps at all, the two women were not really "looking on with glee", because glee is something they were no longer capable of feeling.

What they were feeling was an attractive rush. The rush was due to the human condition of needing to survive. So when we get our way, we feel we might survive a bit longer, we get a rush.

When people become slaves to these feelings, and perform all actions in service to them, they become ghouls, incapable of glee.

That might be too philosophical to make you feel any better, but consider that she will run wailing through life, almost assuredly looking for that rush in all things and people around her for years (unless she snaps out of it, which doesn't happen often). You left with nothing, but also no dirty personality disorders. She, on the other hand, never gets to stop being herself.

[WorkingClassFilth]

You are correct - power and distorted roles. Unfortunately, the human heart is just as sick in either males or females. Check out the studies linked in post #47.