Open Editorial: You Named Your Baby WHAT???

Onyx Magazine ^ | March, 2006 | Josephine Hammond

[twippo]

Someone needs to sit our people down and have a healthy discussion about the names we as African Americans are giving our children. We are hurting our kids and putting their futures in peril from the moment they are born.

That’s right, I said it. We are KILLING our kids and crippling their futures with the names we give them. Don’t you want your kids to get JOBS someday? Good jobs, and serious careers? With a name like Jaquez Ja’Quan Diante’, you’re dooming your sons to a life of drug dealing on some seedy street corner.

Our Black men face enough challenges. I do not subscribe to the notion that we are giving our children names that “convey pride in their African Heritage”. We’re way off the mark. I’ve got dear friends from all over Africa, and their children have beautiful cultural names like Akos, Ama, and Fia.

Notice how neither of those names had a “quita” in it? Or an “eisha”? Or more than four syllables? That’s because even in the motherland, they don’t give their kids the crazy names that we do in Black America. Many Africans even RESENT the implication that these names stem from their culture. I’ve yet to meet anyone from any African nation named Shaquandiniquah Takei’sha, or any other of the ‘colorful’ monikers we’re pinning on brand new precious lives.

Parents, we are stacking the odds against our children from birth. We’ve been doing it for generations, but we get mighty cross when white and mainstream America laughs and mocks us. With a name like Quieshianiquita (I know, I can’t pronounce it either), you’re dooming your children to employment at no better than a dollar store or the nearest fast-food joint.

You are automatically relegated in the minds of many to second-class citizenry, because when they hear the name, they instantly categorize you as ignorant, ghetto, incompetent, uneducated, and not worthy of much respect or basic human considerations.

We hear so often about African American students who excel in school, etc. and “beat the odds.” Well, guess what? Often times, the “odds they have to beat” is the tough challenge of being taken seriously in America with the atrocious name you gave them...names like Jaqui’sheia Sha’qu’an Tai’isha. If they can get someone to look past the name (and quit laughing), there is remarkable talent there in that person.

Unfortunately though, much of mainstream America isn’t willing to find this out. Come in with the wrong name, and you are nothing more than fodder for stereotypical, distasteful jokes. We as African Americans face enough challenges as it is. Our kids deserve a better start and a way better shot than this.

You’re angry with me? I can live with that. Now answer this: when have you ever seen an IBM Executive or a fancy New York office with a fancy highrise office door nameplate that says “Quandaniquah Roshel-Shaquita, Chief Executive Officer”? When? You don’t, and you never have, because the reality is, corporate America and a huge chuck of mainstream doesn’t have a high regard for those names. Quite frankly, you won’t be taken seriously.

I’ve been behind many a closed door with white corporate America. Oddly enough, many of them still see the Negro in the room as ‘non-existent’ or invisible, so they talked like I wasn’t even in the room. I hear everything they say. When Nakia Shaniquah-Quashiqua fills out an application, they have a field day in the office. Once they get their fill of ghetto and ‘weave’ jokes and ripping you to pieces sight unseen, they usually toss the application, or it gets stuck in the ‘bottom of the pile’. If they do hire you, you’re relegated to some meaningless, inconsequential task behind the scenes so they won’t be embarrased by you.

I’ve learned the harsh truth that right or wrong, no quality mainstream company wants someone named (oh just pick a name) representing them in the forefront. We don’t hear that, though. We just want you to get the name right, and look at you funny if you don’t. I recall a time a young woman got really cross with me because her name was LaShi’quita and I forgot to capitalize the ‘S’ and left the little accent mark off the first ‘i’ - how was I supposed to know? But lawd ha’mercy...what did I do THAT for? She was mad, hostile, and ready to FIGHT! It was a BIG ridiculously overblown embarassing ordeal (for her), and that’s OUR fault, parents.

She wouldn’t have such a huge chip on her shoulder and be so defensive, confrontational and mean if we had just given her a name that the average person can pronounce or spell. No spell check in the world can help, so most of her existence is spent correcting the spelling of her name, and feeling disrespected because people can’t get it right. We set her up for this constant and unnecessary battle.

I do not advocate naming all our children Bobby and Susie. But let’s do our babies a favor and keep the syllables down to a minimum, leave out the suffixes “quita”, “sheika”,“eisha”, “niqua”, “quan”...anysuffix with the letter ‘Q’. I could go on, but you get where I'm headed.And if you want your child to have an authentic African or other ethnic name, do a little research. Don’t just make up a name and expect the world to be able to spell and pronounce it. You're not being original or cute. That child has to LIVE with that horrible name, and that's not funny...or cute.

Amen. Now pass the cornbread.

[Ghost of Philip Marlowe]

Part of the validity of this writer's argument is the success of the Asians. They immigrate here (legally, mind you) and many of them choose Anglo-Saxon names for their second generation. It may look a bit strange to see the combination of the two, but you'd think Asians with names like Bertha, Amos, etc., would have two strikes against them (according to the thinking of the parents the writer of the article is addressing). But they very often do very well at school and in their careers. So, obviously the name is less important than the raising of the child.

Yet another symbolism-over-substance cop-out by those who want everything handed to them, including respect.

[Delmont]

MY name is Delmont Cornelius Roosevelt, people call me Delmont Cornelius Roosevelt, but my ex wifes name was Ms Velveeta Brown. Her parents musta had the munchies when they named her.

[doug from upland]

Dweezil. Moon-Unit. Kal-el.

[cartoonistx]

I seem to remember a SNL bit about this subject. The skit had black camp councelors trying to pronounce the black kids' names. The one that cracked me up was "Clitoria"! I did know a mother who named her kid "Sharcole".

[null and void]

Velveeta, he's talkin' 'bout you...

[satchmodog9]

Your homestate Padres have a little white shortstop with an odd name. Kahlil Greene.

[Altamira]

Yeah, the patronizing attitude of the "enlightened" left is really nauseating, isn't it? Good for her for rejecting their B.S. and choosing a school that really valued her achievements, instead of her extra pigment.

[twippo]

The South Asians (Indians) seem to be different from East Asians in that respect. I've run into many Western-born children with Hindi, Urdu or other ethnic names. But Koreans and Chinese tend to give their U.S.-born children common U.S. names.

[twippo]

I've figured out why they call them "Generation Y": Kendyl, Aidyn, Madisyn, Deryl, Kathryn, Jayden, Tamsyn, Saffryn...

[TXBubba]

Do you mean the names are mainstream or that the Osmonds are mainstream?

I was talking about the names but I guess it works for both.

[colorcountry]

Yes, but you forgot the Osmonds also have an Olive and a Virl.

[oyez]

Common Name, nowdays. I've a couple of 'trinas for associates over the past few years. Good workers, too.

[TXBubba]

The worst part is, it is an English name, spelt just like it sounds

My new one isn't English but it is pronounced just like it is spelled. However, I find people want to add letters to it or mispronounce the vowel sound in the middle. If they would even try to say it by just sounding it out then they would have it right the first time.

[brytlea]

I guess their moms don't know any Italian.....
susie

[TXBubba]

their children will someday tell them how embarrassing and illiterate their names look when written

That will hit about age 4 when they can't find anything in little gift stores pre-monogrammed with their name...ever. It already happens to my kids who have what I would call "normal" names, only not as popular as others.

[TXBubba]

Yes, but you forgot the Osmonds also have an Olive and a Virl.

I left out George and Tom also you know. None of those names are strange.

[colorcountry]

I think Virl is quite strange, but it doesn't matter, all you have to do is look at the phone book in Utah, you'll see plenty of "unique" if not strange names.

Also calling a grown man of 48 years old "Donny" is strange to me. President Donny Bush?

[AxelPaulsenJr]

Speaking of female names. I once knew a woman whose first name is Fonda and her last name is Peters.

What was her first name, Monica?

[Old Seadog]

But I always think of Scout as being the name of Tonto's horse. "Get'm up Scout"

[TXBubba]

Virl may be outdated but it isn't "strange". And I think the grown man named Donny is really Donald. Donny isn't the given name otherwise I would agree.

Which leads us to another point. People who don't think about the nickname possibilities or the words initials might spell when naming kids. We couldn't use Andrew ourselves because the nickname of "Andy" would have made a living h*ll for our son when put with our last name. And you know that no child is going to go with "Drew" when they can use "Andy" in that situation.