Posted on 03/18/2006 7:03:00 PM PST by goldstategop
The miracle of Purim owes much to a superficial, womanizing male who set about dating as many women as possible to find the one that was the most beautiful. Ahasuerus is like so many shallow men today who reduce women to nothing but a slim figure and a pretty face. But in the end, the story of Esther makes it clear that the secretly Jewish queen was chosen not for her looks, but because she "found grace and favor" in the eyes of all who beheld her. There was a womanly dignity, a sublime feminine majesty, to Esther that the rest of the harem lacked. They were empty suits, packaging only, without substance or personality. They were the kind of women who attract attention with low-cut blouses rather than high intelligence, short skirts rather than a lofty spirit. But Esther is a woman possessed both of outer and inner beauty, a heroine who exhibits uncommon wisdom, courage and dedication to the helpless. In short, she is a woman of outstanding character and her story is that of the triumph not only of the Jews over their enemies, but also of a woman's ability to win over a man with her brains rather than her bust.
How tragic, therefore, that Jewish men today have adopted the dating mores of Ahasuerus. And I'm not just talking about secular Jewish men whom we might expect to have adopted less lofty criteria in their choice of a mate. Rather, I am speaking especially of Orthodox Jewish men who have become so obsessed with the three modern virtues of a real woman - large chest, long legs, slim figure - that heart, mind, even the sparkle of her eyes, count for almost nothing.
I once served as matchmaker-in-chief for JDate. But I now find matchmaking nauseating thanks to the dispiriting superficiality of today's Jewish men. I now know that the countless men who tell me how desperate they are to find a really nice girl are lying through their teeth because what they really mean is a woman who looks like a model. At my weekly Sabbath table, where I host many singles, I watch as the men immediately dismiss even the most interesting women with the warmest hearts if they lack a bombshell body.
If she's short, she's out, and if she's overweight, well, that's the kiss of death. I'll set up men with women who I know to be attractive and charming, only to have the guy call me back the next day and complain of a lack of chemistry, by which he always means, "She wasn't pretty enough." The poor woman never had a chance. Before she opened her mouth, her body did her in.
BUT WHY would we expect anything different? Superficial people seek superficial qualities, and men today are about as deep as a crack in the sidewalk. They have been given one criterion for success, money, and they use that money as a commodity to purchase a woman's chief commodity, her physical beauty. Today's religious men are trained to appreciate little else.
I know a 20-year-old Jewish girl who developed a dangerous eating disorder because her very religious parents told her that unless she lost weight the type of yeshiva student they wanted her to marry would not take her out.
But weren't Jewish men, especially Orthodox ones, supposed to be different? The nation that gave the world's Solomon's Ode to a Woman of Valor, where a woman's God-fearing qualities are what make her beautiful, have betrayed that ideal utterly. If you are a woman in the Jewish singles scene who isn't stunningly attractive, you're going to wait a long time to get married. And once you're married, you better keep your looks up, because the women who are going to be praying with you in the ladies' section spend five hours in the gym for every hour they spend in the synagogue. They're not fools. They know that their husbands are trained to appreciate muscle tone rather than piety. And don't have more than two children, even though we need as many Jewish babies as possible, because kids will make your figure go to hell and your breasts droop almost as far.
NEVER believed that I would witness a time when even marriage-minded, Orthodox men would become womanizers, giving themselves the latitude to date as many women as possible so that they can find "the best." In yeshiva I was taught one did not date a woman the way one shopped for a car. Rather, you focused on one woman completely and tried to develop a soulful connection with her without worrying about what else might be out there.
Recently, I had a young rabbinical student of marriageable age at my home. He told me he had already dated 40 girls and had not found what he was looking for. I was stunned. "Forty nice, religious girls, and not one of them was good enough for you?"
But anyone familiar with the increasingly toxic shidduch system among the ultra-Orthodox knows that what many young men are looking for is anathema to Jewish values, namely, looks, money and pedigree. Find all three and you have hit the jackpot. Find only one, or even two, and you have "to settle."
Now, no doubt, in the secular world marrying money and marrying into an important family are also important. But when religious Jews marry for materialistic and ego-driven values, they degrade a glorious spiritual tradition.
It is high time that rabbis started giving sermons from the pulpit exhorting single men in the congregation to be gentlemen and reward women for developing the traits that Judaism truly values like compassion, wisdom and goodness. While physical attraction is always important in marriage - both for men and for women - Jewish leaders must begin inspiring future husbands to judge their wives' attractiveness by considerations beyond flesh alone. For if we fail, we'll continue seeing Jewish women feeling permanently insecure about their "imperfect bodies" rather than taking pride in their generous spirits.
I see a lot of pretty women play DUMB too. If enough guys encounter easy girls who act like bubbleheads, what's a guy supposed to think?
There you go, that's part of it too. And there is more. That being said, the association isn't a fair one and anybody who thinks about it for 15 mins should come to the conclusion that, in itself, there's not reason to think anything ill of a person's character just because they are goodlooking.
I tell guys all the time just talk to the woman like an adult, see what she is like. Give her a chance and if you are going to reject her, do it on substantive grounds, not because of a bigotry. Just feel her up...I mean out! Out! Sorry, little slip there! ;-)
I think she was very young in that photo and still had some 'baby fat'. Might even be a highschool picture. I agree that it might have led to her extreme thinness now.
Three Stooges knucklehead pingaroonie!!!
"When a man is looking at a Shakira lookalike he is NOT thinking about her good health."
He's not thinking that consciously, but that's what his genes are telling him whether he realizes it or not. The result is him thinking only of your rear end.
What men wants an ugly, unhealthy, genetically weak to sickness and disease child who will be a financial liability? Can any men chime in here, please????
Before modern medicine high infant mortality weeded out those that couldn't handle the rigors of physical hardships whether they were disease or the hard life on the farm.
Women who were homely and unattractive and didn't have money died as old maids. Men even then pursued women that looked physically attractive and healthy in order to promote survival of the future children. If they had a good genetic lineage mostly devoid of genetic abnormalities they were prized. And if they had money that was even better.
You better go back and read how difficult life was before modern technology. Our world has become so easy to live in these days we forget about the old and hard ways survival of the fittest ruled. Liberals didn't have much of a say because what they said got lead to do death real quick.
We men (and women) forget those realities and focus on our own base wants and needs like women's rear end only not realizing what is really behind that genetically bred desire (through influence of a hard environment) of a women's rear end!
The Torah (that's the Bible for you in Rio Linda) was given to shape mankind spiritually in light of the harsh realities of our environment. Jews led the fight to bring that light to the nations which has benefitted the nations greatly. With the advent of secular age back early 1800s after the end of the Spanish Inquisition (1810) there has been a war led by Jews to destroy any sign of God's presence and debase mankind into an animal. Men must look both at the physical side of a woman as well as the spiritual side. Both must be in balance Daniel-san.
From what I can see God is putting secularism to an end and people are returning to Biblcal values that will promote faith, family, fortune, and flag.
Women have complained long enough about how bad men are. If you want to have good men in this world you need to do two things. Marry a good man and teach your boys to value women based on the teachings in Bible. The ball is in your court. Let the complaining end and the actions toward creating better men begin.
The word in Hebrew for "woman, feminine" has the same root as the Hebrew word for "hope." Let's hope that the trends of women return to the home, teaching Conservative values based on the Torah through homeschooling, and letting the men be the bread winner continue. Prayer is what has helped bring this about.
It's rather funny but the Hebrew word for "war" has its root in the Hebrew word for "bread."
It's possible she is not a 'practicing' Catholic now, so just calls herself a Christian rather than naming a denomination.
Don't want one, huh?
I really like those books. I should read them again. Lot of wisdom and a really good story.
Funny - usually I spell it "grey" but it popped out "gray".
To me, grey with an e is more a coolish grey, and gray with an a is a warmer gray.
I like cool grey myself!
Nah...just sad to see so many nice young ladies decide that they'd rather let themselves get abused in order to land a flashy "hunk" (or nowdays, the "Alpha Male") and then regret it later. Often when they realize what a mess they've brought kids into, they escape from it--but then wonder why the stable, honest guys aren't waiting around to take them back and raise their kids, etc.
One actually wanted me to dump my then-fiancée for her, saying: "But you said you thought we were so good together!" (To which I replied: "Yes, but you did a very good job in convincing me I was wrong about that, when you broke things off...remember?")
lainie is right in saying , and it also doesn't mean that all women who initially go for the "flash" are like that. I've had very honest and humble attempts to re-connect, and there's nothing wrong with that...heck, I would have even loved to raise a woman's children by another man if the connection were right. But it surprised me how common the clueless and arrogant attitude seems to be these days.
What women want from men:
1. Someone to bring home a paycheck (even if she works too).
2. Someone to take out the trash
3. Someone kill bugs or mice if they get in the house.
Other than that, we're superfluous.
Maybe it was that she was wall trained by the harem staff on how to properly please a man!
And it starts by not interupting the came unless it is to fetch another six pack and more food.
Maybe it was that she was wall trained by the harem staff on how to properly please a man!
And it starts by not interupting the Game unless it is to fetch another six pack and more food.
LOL, you're going to get in trouble like I did!!
[perennial nursery] WOW, can you be my Q&A gardening man??
"Thankfully, you don't speak for everyone. I would definitely find that kind of a relationship absolutely horrible."
That kind of relationship has worked for mankind for 6000 years. Why should I change now?
God designed women to be relationship/cooperation devices.
God designed men to be competition devices.
God designed their designs to complement one another in harmony. Ying and Ying baby. The Torah is the instruction/owners manual for the way men should treat women and women should treat men in harmony. If we learn to harness our physical natures and principles of this universe with the spiritual ones we can dwell in harmony both with each other and nature.
Since you don't like God's design can you suggest a better one? I'm looking to find someone who can one up God - the Omnisicient, the Ominipresent, the Never Ending One.
"Can you live with someone outside the faith? I find it disengenious."
No, I cannot live with a woman that will inculcate values into my future children that are contrary to what I believe based in Torah. She follows me and my faith and my traditions. Women by their nature are followers while men by their nature are leaders and risk takers.
I am being completely genuine with you. If I tick you off or any other women out there I suggest you re-read the instructions for life and see where you might be mistaken.
Who fed you this nonsense? I've yet to meet a woman who opined that she couldn't find a man smarter than she was. Most folks (women included) are in the market for intellectual equals. Conversation just flows better between equals. Imagine that.
FYI, my wife is 11" taller than I am. Virtually every woman I ever dated was taller, and all of my actual relationships were with women who were taller than I am.
"On the other hand, most men don't really give it much thought beyond, "look at them headlights!" "
That's why it's important for women to stay home and teach their boys not to just look at the "headlights." But I can never pass up a good set of headlights. I very much appreciate them and thank God and say a blessing for seeing a beautiful women every time. There is a specific blessing in the Jewish Siddur (prayer book) which says upon seeing a good looking woman:
"Blessed are you, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, who has such in His universe."
Men, take time to appreciate the physical beauty when you see it. Take time to appreciate them for their spiritual beauty as well.
Kudos.
Amen
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