Child guru says nurseries harm small children

The Sunday Times ^ | February 12, 2006 | Sian Griffiths

[tbird5]

The Sunday Times - Britain

The Sunday Times February 12, 2006

Child guru says nurseries harm small children Sian Griffiths ONE of the world’s most popular parenting gurus is to warn that placing children younger than three in nurseries risks damaging their development.

Steve Biddulph, whose books have sold more than 4m copies worldwide, says that instead of subsidising nurseries, which do a “second-rate” job, the government should put in place policies to enable mothers to stay at home with their babies.

The advice signals a reversal of views for Biddulph, an Australian with more than 20 years’ experience as a therapist, whose previous bestsellers include Raising Boys and Raising Girls.

In his new book Biddulph will admit he has changed his mind because of growing evidence of increased aggression, antisocial behaviour and other problems among children who have spent a large part of their infancy being cared for away from home.

He argues that such children may have problems developing close relationships later.

[Tired of Taxes]

Ping

[SauronOfMordor]

But the mothers are required to come off welfare. The kids have to go somewhere so the moms can work

They can go to Grandma, or to some other relative. Or some friends can work something out where they watch each other's kids. Or the mom can put the kids up for adoption.

This is one of the reasons I encourage my girls to date guys from intact families so that there is the expectation from both sides that marriage is a bond that we don't walk away from when things get hard.

As the father of three daughters, The oldest in college, I whole-heartedly agree with you.

[RMDupree]

And I'd like to roll out the statistic that shows that it is mostly women who are struggling with single parenthood.

Very few men would take the challenge. They move on.

[little jeremiah]

Excellent points.

[Politicalmom]

Your attitude that a woman has to "make a man want to stay" is nauseating.

MY husband sticks around even when things are horrible. I don't have to treat him like a baby and gratify his every whim. We do things for each other.

[SauronOfMordor]

My grandmother had to take in laundry to make ends meet after my grandfather left.

My mom went to work in the garment industry after my dad left. We lived close to my aunt and uncle, so I spent a lot of time hanging out in my uncle's barber shop. Nothing much to do there but read, which was probably good for me.

[RMDupree]

Were you already older by then? I can't imagine a 3-year old hanging around a barber's shop without being bored to death.

[veronica]

Yep.

[Thoeting]

Maybe the best solution would be for the government to stop acting like the father of these kids and require the real dads to man up.

My younger dated a boy this fall from a broken home. Ugly divorce, one of the worst I'd ever heard of. Both parents playing the kids against the other parent, cheating, etc. I gritted my teeth and said nothing, but they didn't last long. He was so insecure that she would dump him for someone else, that eventually, she dumped him. She know understands that he didn't know what a secure relationship looked like and altough she did like him, he wore her down.

[Corin Stormhands]

Yet, I would like to know what mother's did with their children when their husbands died after wars?

In the first half of the last century, they probably lived with family and let the grandmothers take care of the children while they worked.

But we don't live in that world anymore.

[DustyMoment]

It's easy to sit back and say that everyone should stay home and raise their kids, but for some of us that just isn't available as an option. :-/

At the risk of treading on some toes, let's define "Single mom". Is mom single as the result of a divorce? Or did she have the child out of wedlock? There are complex issues at play, here, in which some daycares would seem to be justified.

We have a society, thanks to decades of liberal policies, that treats marriage and sex on the same level as eating. It's no big deal. That's why the divorce rate is where it is and the number of single moms have skyrocketed. Life brings tough choices. Sometimes that means foregoing a family after marriage until there is sufficient family income to have and raise children. It also means waiting to ensure that the family is stable and solid.

We have a society in which sex is treated no differently than drinking water. Popular television shows and movies routinely include one or more scenes of casual sex between unmarried and (more often today) underaged participants.

And when the girl gets pregnant, the boy just skips out and leaves her to deal with the child. As long as we accept this level of irresponsibility on the part of young men AND young women and the government is willing to fund their indiscriminate, immoral behavior, there is little hope of the situation being resolved soon.

Which leaves these children caught in the middle of a moral mess.

[SauronOfMordor]

What on earth are you talking about?

I was commenting on government-subsidized day care for welfare mothers. Sorry, I should have been more clear. Any couples or women who work and pay for their own day care, that's their own business, more power to them.

[wideminded]

I saw a TV show that depicted Japanese school kids at lunchtime. They were in one of the lower grades of elementary school. The teacher left the room for the entire period and let them prepare lunch and clean up, which they did with no problem. As the announcer said, "if these were American kids, by now pandemonium would have broken out."

[dawn53]

The Japanese way seemed the best to me: let the kids fight it out themselves, govern themselves, control the classroom and insure that the rules were being followed themselves. Miscreants were taken care of by the bigger kids, and the good kids got the respect and admiration they deserved because they earned it, and not because some pencil-heads decided that everyone deserves respect and was entitled to dignity. Ok, there you go. Nursery school is great, but only if its run by the Japanese.

Hmmm. Sounds like a toddler version of "Lord of the Flies."

[RMDupree]

Any couples or women who work and pay for their own day care, that's their own business, more power to them.

*nods* Thank you.

[SauronOfMordor]

MY husband sticks around even when things are horrible. I don't have to treat him like a baby and gratify his every whim. We do things for each other.

Same deal with me and my wife. Then again, I've seen to many of my friends have their wives serve them with divorce papers because the wives weren't sufficiently "fulfilled", plus one who was left when his business failed and he was no longer able to keep her in the style she had become accustomed to

[RMDupree]

I'd never criticize any single parent until I walked a mile in their shoes.

We all know their are selfish people out there, but most single parents I've met are good folks caught in bad situations.

All you can do is make the best out of it. And bust your behind to make your kids happy and well-adjusted despite the odds.

[zeaal]

There may be some good daycare facilities but generally nurseries create non-thinking little being among their 'patrons'. Children are told when to use the bathroom, when to nap, when to eat, when to play, when to be quiet, etc. Thus, creating children that operate with a 'herd' mentality.

[SauronOfMordor]

Were you already older by then? I can't imagine a 3-year old hanging around a barber's shop without being bored to death.

I was about three when he left. Yes I was bored. A lot of the time she worked from home. Other times I hung out with the building superintendent's kids. From first grade on, when I got out of school I would usually wait in the library on the next block from the school, and read. After a while I had read all the kid books and by third grade had worked my way over to the teen section

[mudblood]

Wideminded - thanks for the single non-negative comment on something I only wanted to bring to light as a possibley cool way to run a nursery school. And I totally agree about what that lunchroom would have looked like in an American school - chaos.

Cheers