Child guru says nurseries harm small children

The Sunday Times ^ | February 12, 2006 | Sian Griffiths

[tbird5]

The Sunday Times - Britain

The Sunday Times February 12, 2006

Child guru says nurseries harm small children Sian Griffiths ONE of the world’s most popular parenting gurus is to warn that placing children younger than three in nurseries risks damaging their development.

Steve Biddulph, whose books have sold more than 4m copies worldwide, says that instead of subsidising nurseries, which do a “second-rate” job, the government should put in place policies to enable mothers to stay at home with their babies.

The advice signals a reversal of views for Biddulph, an Australian with more than 20 years’ experience as a therapist, whose previous bestsellers include Raising Boys and Raising Girls.

In his new book Biddulph will admit he has changed his mind because of growing evidence of increased aggression, antisocial behaviour and other problems among children who have spent a large part of their infancy being cared for away from home.

He argues that such children may have problems developing close relationships later.

[RMDupree]

Children are told when to use the bathroom, when to nap, when to eat, when to play, when to be quiet, etc.

That's funny. I thought that was called a schedule.

Stay-at-home moms do that too.

[LK44-40]

I am fascinated by the Japanese and have the intention of doing some reading in that area before too long.

I heard some media tidbit somewhere recently claiming that you can drop a wallet full of money on a Tokyo street and expect to go to the lost-and-found a couple of days later and claim your wallet ~and~ your money.

OTOH, there is the Rape of Nanking and other unbelieveable WWII atrocities to consider.

But then, back on the first hand, there is such an exquisit elegance and style to the culture.

But then, back on that other hand, there is the -- supposedly from real life -- story in Memoir of a Geisha about the "customer" who wanted only virgins and preserved a bit of cloth with their blood in vials in a cabinet he had just for this purpose.

The mind reels....

[SauronOfMordor]

In the first half of the last century, they probably lived with family and let the grandmothers take care of the children while they worked. But we don't live in that world anymore.

Because of deliberate government policy. A teen mom has no incentive to behave well, if by behaving badly enough she can qualify for her own government-paid apartment. Kids have no incentive to behave well in school if, by behaving psychoticly enough, they can qualify for Social Security disability checks

[RMDupree]

And you turned out OK despite it all.

Amazing.

According to some FReepers, you should have been damaged for life.

[syriacus]

Where's Phil Donahue when you need him to argue with an expert on children?

About 20 years ago he went ballistic over a Harvard (?) study that said that very small kids were better off with their mothers. Phil said he didn't like the study because it made working mothers feel guilty. He cared more about the mother's feelings than the children's well-being, so he didn't even bother looking into ways to alleviate any problems.

It vuz verboten to talk about the study.

[SauronOfMordor]

According to some FReepers, you should have been damaged for life.

My daughters, particularly the teen, are unanimous that I'm a crazy old coot. Then again, I never was in day care, so I'm not an example/counter-example in the day-care discussion

[redheadtoo]

"baby prisons"

I once heard of the day care conglomerate, KinderCare, referred to as MacChildcare. Best place for a small child is at home with a parent. Nurseries should be the place of last resort.

[syriacus]

It's easy to sit back and say that everyone should stay home and raise their kids, but for some of us that just isn't available as an option. :-/

It seems to me that it is best to see what can be done to help the kids who need to be in day care, rather than throwing our arms up in the air.

[redheadtoo]

"the government should put in place policies to enable mothers to stay at home with their babies.This was the thinking behind ADC, or welfare.

Not necessarily. Policies could be things like tax breaks for women who stay home with their children or lower taxes for everyone.

[television is just wrong]

lower taxes allowing people to keep their earnings and raise their children is the best thing to do for everyone.



End the welfare state. LBJ was dead wrong. His war on poverty is a total failure.

[DustyMoment]

I'd never criticize any single parent until I walked a mile in their shoes.

No one was criticizing single parents. The point of my post was to try to intelligently discuss this issue without necessarily assigning blame. I know that bad things happen to good people, but a lot of times good people make bad decisions.

Currently, we live in a "You-Can-Have-It-All-Now" society in which the concepts of pay-as-you go, budgeting and responsibility are anathema. The stigma of having children out of wedlock has been removed, thanks to women's liberation. The notion of families coming together to provide support and assistance to a single mother or single father as the result of death or divorce, is almost non-existent.

A former girlfriend of mine got married, had a child and then got divorced. It happens. But, what she did after that was remarkable - she maintained a friendly relationship with the father and, when he moved across the country for a job, she also moved so that her child could have a relationship with the father as well. Yes, it was tough for her, but the result is that she has a child who is bright, intelligent and well-rounded. There were tough choices she had to make, but she made them and I respect those choices. She sacrificed in favor of her child and raised a loving, Christian child who is headed off to college and who still has a close relationship with her father.

I respect and honor this former girlfriend today in a way that I never imagined when we were dating. She made some tough choices and, when life handed her lemons, she made lemonade.

[syriacus]

As if stay-at-home parents absolutely never raise screwed up kids and kids who go to daycare are never NOT screwed up.

I think it would be best to look carefully at the message, rather than kill the messenger.

For the benefit of the children, people should look at the specifics.

[TheClintons-STILLAnti-American]

"More poor headline writing....one pictures a five-year-old chosen as the next Dalai Lama."

Exactly.

I found myself scanning to see the age of this child guru with such insights on nurseries. I thought maybe it was a toddler seeking to organize his peers and take over and have juice and cracker time all day long.

[syriacus]

lower taxes allowing people to keep their earnings and raise their children is the best thing to do for everyone.

Good idea.

[mudblood]

"The mind reels...."

I know exactly how you feel. An attempt was made to reconcile the two extremes of the Japanese culture. A book called "The Chrysanthemum and the Sword" by Ruth Benedict talks about the two extremes and why they exist and how to understand this seeming paradox: extreme beauty and gentleness on the one hand, extreme crualty and absolutism on the other. She did all her interviews with Japanese POWs (the ones who would talk to her) because she couldn't do it in Japan. Very good read. Not modern PC garbage either.

[syriacus]

But absolutism one way or another on this subject is ridiculous.

We need to find ways to deal with problems that arise from day care.

For example, there was a study some years back that showed kids raised in daycare were more susceptible to peer pressure than children raised at home.

Maybe there is some way to counteract that.

[RMDupree]

hehehehe...

I guess I shouldn't be taking my daughter to the potty every hour on the hour either.