Posted on 01/08/2006 2:24:03 PM PST by Lorianne
It is 25 years since Terry Hekker hailed the housewife, now in a landmark decision the acclaimed author has rejected her past saying she was wrong
Terry Hekker wrote a book in 1980 that made her famous. Ever Since Adam & Eve was a passionate defence of her decision to eschew a career and spend her life as a wife and a mother.
Coming at the end of the Seventies, when feminism was enjoying a renaissance and the career woman was emerging from behind the cooker, Hekker became a celebrated poster child for more old-fashioned values. She wanted her job choice of 'homemaker' to be considered as valid as those of up-and-coming women bankers, bosses and company directors.
Today, Hekker told The Observer, she is planning a follow-up book. Its working, albeit jokey, title is bluntly honest: Disregard First Book. For her life did not turn out as she planned, and she now believes her decision to become a housewife and homemaker should serve as a warning for young American women. 'My anachronistic book was written while I was in a successful marriage that I expected would go on forever. Sadly, it now has little relevance for modern women, except perhaps as a cautionary tale,' Hekker wrote last week as she announced her U-turn.
In a display of spectacular bad taste, Hekker's husband presented her with divorce papers on their 40th wedding anniversary and left her for a younger woman. The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children - lacking skills to make her attractive in the job market. Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.
(Excerpt) Read more at guardian.co.uk ...
What's so great about retirement? I don't even like the word.
I don't know what you did to yourself, paulat, but at age 67 I will be retired because I planned for it with my husband. Now, he could decide to be a pig and ditch everything and toss us both into poverty, but he is way smarter than that.
"Do you have friends who have houses that are always clean? I do. I don't know how they do it. Mine is always fairly messy (unless I go a cleaning spree before company).
I'm not a well-organized person, that's part of the problem. I also don't really like cleaning or housework. I just like being a mom."
I do have friends whose houses are always clean...yes.
I can only imagine they must spend a great deal of time cleaning.
It's hard to be well organized with kiddies around. You can write all the lists you want...schedule your time...but kids have such a knack for blowing well-thought-out plans to bits.
Being a mom is more rewarding to me than having a picture perfect house. When they're napping or playing nicely together (rare) - I do what I can as quickly as I can.
I am guilty of popping a video or two in when I know I have to make the place presentable (another thing to feel guilty about!)
**ah, so she wants the rest of the world to base their behavior on her personal bitterness. Good move!**
Your deep thought and intellegence underwhelms me, flashbunny. Is that why they call you flash bunny? : )
While there were contributions from me for my divorce, my wife of 25 years just decided that she wanted to be "free".
She suggested counseling. Being a guy, I initially resisted, but agreed to her terms. She wanted a Christian counselor (I wasn't born again at the time). She wanted to choose the counselor. I agreed. When I went for my first solo meeting, she asked how it went. When I told her it went fine and I believed I could work with him she then claimed we were conspiring against her.
When she suggested that we needed to seperate so she "could have some space", I suggested that doing that would only drive the wedge further rather than provide a quiet healing. She told me I was wrong. Of course, after a week of being gone she pretty much kicked up her heals.
I found a place to stay for free, lived on about $30.00 per week and had all my paychecks deposited in an account she could control in order to allow her to continue to pay the mortgage and ultilities and so forth.
She began to hide money and cash stock options because friends told her I was doing the same to her. Since she handled all the bills and prepared our tax returns she knew all the accounts and sources of income. No mail was diverted. She still got all my retirement statements. She saw all savings account informatin and saw no withdraws. No new accounts were openned. What could I open them with? $30.00 a week?
She said she was a bible believing Christian, but that God would want her to be "happy". Her friends told her that while there was no legal reason to leave, it was still ok because she needed to be "free".
Of course when I finally had enough and my free ride was running out, I started to push her to file the papers. It was after she said there was no chance for reconcilliation. Finally several months later, she did get around to the paperwork to execute what she wanted. The reason for the tardiness? She admitted it was going to be hard to live without the income I depositing and allowing her to live on.
There's nothing wrong with tanning booths or malls. Nothing wrong with women having fun. I just mentioned there are lots of women who want to be housewives, so they tend to seek out wealthier type husbands. And outlaws.
parsy, who really isn't a misogenist.
To the women who have to work to eat, you are rich. ; )
The smart ones goes for wealthy outlaws...
Just another day at the office for me. Work a lot in the domestic relations type field. Nothing surprises me anymore. And, oh the stories I could tell.
parsy, who probably hasn't seen it all.
Sorry to hear your troubles.
A couple who are friends of ours have split because she behaved in a similar way.
He has yet to get a lawyer - while she plays games.
Anyone in this position, male or female, REALLY NEEDS TO GET A LAWYER ASAP!
People don't like to spend the money, but in the long run it prevents one spouse from fleecing the other.
It's not so much the "retirement" itself; it's the freedom and the stockpiled money so I don't HAVE to work and can choose to spend my hours as I see fit, that appeals to me. (Mainly traveling the globe in the winter months and working in my garden the rest of the year.)
And I was raised that way. Grandpa retired at 55. Dad at 53. I can't swing 53, so I'm aiming for 55. If I screw up, or some tragedy befalls me, then I can still retire like most folk at 62-65.
And I'm not counting on SS money, either. That's not factored into my plans. It'll be gravy if this tail-end Boomer gets any of it. :)
**What's so great about retirement? I don't even like the word.**
My husband is like you. He will never retire; he loves his work. HOwever, he could if wants to at age 60. It's all planned out. But he'll probably leave his kids rich knowing him and die in the office a happy guy.
[We pick up like crazy before hubby comes home, because I think he deserves it]
I love it. Seriously, many guys wouldn't care so much what a woman looked like if she had your kind of attitude. Katie Couric should be interviewing you on the Today Show.
Regarding your post on Theresa Heinz...as an angel in Heaven, it would kill me to see my wife only "find herself" after I was dead and gone.
I would just die if I saw that. :-(
And there would be some thunder and lightning if she gave $1Billion of my money to the Democratic Party. Seriously, her ex must have been rolling in his grave when she financed Kerry's candidacy without even bothering to kiss Kerry on the lips.
My girlfriend and I discussed what we would like to do with liberals on our first date (we joked about concentration camps). Therefore, I do not think that my girlfriend is a closet liberal waiting for me to die so she can blossom. :-)
Regarding a Ping list...I wrote a few names down today of thoughtful writers who would possiby come protect me if I were cornered like a possum up a tree on FR...but then I figured that this, to me, would be less fun than struggling alone. But if some of you want to make this a club hangout...I guess this is a modern way to do that.
I did say earlier to Nadija that a lot of guys come on these threads early on in the same manner as a crowd of roudy football fans might trash an area here in Europe on their way to see a game. They are gone by post 250 leaving, as Nadija said, at best some unsuspecting Newbie to get waylaid, tarred and feathered, drawn and quartered and then sent on his merry way to be better behaved in the future.
"To the women who have to work to eat, you are rich. ; )"
Phrased that way...sure.
But I can assure you...there are no trips to the spa, fancy cars, or even trips to the mall (except for Christmas shopping)
We have to watch our money very carefully and do without many things we used to take for granted when I was working outside of the home.
I guess it's all in how you define "rich"
I just seek to be of consequence in the world for as long as possible and not be put out to pasture. What's the point of retirement? To spend your remaining years playing games like a kid?
One of the happiest guys I ever met was receiving faxes at the nurses station in ICU and driving everyone nuts. He died so-so rich with a half full "to do" folder by his bed.
Speaking just for myself, I need a reason to get out of bed everyday -- sheesh, I don't even take vacations. I've been to 46 States and would like to see the last four, but I figure I won't have to retire to do that.
You have got to meet my husband. ; ) I swear, he would have calls at the ICU if even he ends up there. He will have three folders of things to do...and for me to do when he goes. He likes to share his busy-ness with the whole family. He drives us nuts but I love him the way he is.
Tell your husband that he's a lucky guy for finding work that he loves and someone who understands him. Trust me, he's happier than 99.999% of the people walking around counting days until they get to do "nothing."
I don't entirely disagree with your post, however, I do think women interested country clubs and tanning salons probably are looking for doctors, lawyers, and NFL players. However, the typical woman looking to stay home with the kids would much rather have a not quite as wealthy electrician or middle manager. Somebody whose job can provide an income that will afford her to stay home, but whose job is not so all consuming that he's never home.
Didn't you read just a wee bit into that? What I saw in the post is that some men don't want the whole burden of bringing home all the income. Frankly, it's risky these days.
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