Posted on 01/08/2006 2:24:03 PM PST by Lorianne
It is 25 years since Terry Hekker hailed the housewife, now in a landmark decision the acclaimed author has rejected her past saying she was wrong
Terry Hekker wrote a book in 1980 that made her famous. Ever Since Adam & Eve was a passionate defence of her decision to eschew a career and spend her life as a wife and a mother.
Coming at the end of the Seventies, when feminism was enjoying a renaissance and the career woman was emerging from behind the cooker, Hekker became a celebrated poster child for more old-fashioned values. She wanted her job choice of 'homemaker' to be considered as valid as those of up-and-coming women bankers, bosses and company directors.
Today, Hekker told The Observer, she is planning a follow-up book. Its working, albeit jokey, title is bluntly honest: Disregard First Book. For her life did not turn out as she planned, and she now believes her decision to become a housewife and homemaker should serve as a warning for young American women. 'My anachronistic book was written while I was in a successful marriage that I expected would go on forever. Sadly, it now has little relevance for modern women, except perhaps as a cautionary tale,' Hekker wrote last week as she announced her U-turn.
In a display of spectacular bad taste, Hekker's husband presented her with divorce papers on their 40th wedding anniversary and left her for a younger woman. The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children - lacking skills to make her attractive in the job market. Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.
(Excerpt) Read more at guardian.co.uk ...
Look,
anyone who can raise kids and still find time to brush their teeth gets stars from me! You're my hero.
Maureen Dowd is the same way. It's just pitiful to watch.
Hey Parsey,
It is true - the only women raising their own kids are rich enough to be able to do so. But your idea that they all hit the malls and tanning salons after the kids are grown is widly unrealistic for the women I know in that position.
They usually run all the volunteer activities in their communities. They hold the keys to every house where the mom's work (in case the kid gets locked out) and are the "emergency" mom for every kid whose mom works. They serve as emergency contacts for the eldery with children not available. They volunteer in the schools, hospitals, for the poor, etc.
It does not pay at all; but it is a worthy role. That view of rich women being tanning salon, mall shopping bunnies is a hollyweird production. There are those, but most women have more self respect than that. Don't marry a woman with no self respect, parsie.
"We pick up like crazy before hubby comes home, because I think he deserves it, but I also believe that I don't deserve for him to have unrealistic expectations of what life is like at home while he is gone. :)
"
Same here! Of course it doesn't stay picked up for long.
One time he complained about the mess (that wasn't there an hour before)
And I reminded him how much he wanted a big family....this is what happens in a big family dear! He hasn't complained since then.
To tell you the truth, I really don't know how some of my friends that work do it. I have a friend from college who works full-time, is on the school board, and has 3 kids. I can't even say that her kids are screwed up. Her kids are really, really, nice. In fact, they were just visiting us over the break, and my kids were awful and hers were nice.
Anyway, I don't think I'll ever regret giving up my career. I hope that my hubby and I don't ever get divorced. I don't think it would do either of us good.
Plus, I figure when your kids are young, that is when it is the hardest to be married. I'm looking forward to kids being grown, and hubby and I get to start having lots of fun together. We both like to travel, and I hope we get to travel a lot together.
Which came first? Chicken or egg? Feminazi or divorce?
"It is true - the only women raising their own kids are rich enough to be able to do so"
Hmmm....I didn't manage to stay at home until my husband received some payraises...true.
But we are hardly "rich"
When I figured in what I spent on gas, daycare, wardrobe, parking, lunches....I wasn't making much a profit anyway.
Do you have friends who have houses that are always clean? I do. I don't know how they do it. Mine is always fairly messy (unless I go a cleaning spree before company).
I'm not a well-organized person, that's part of the problem. I also don't really like cleaning or housework. I just like being a mom.
...and that's different from the way it's always been, how? Women choose their mates for their ability to provide a secure environment for offspring. You can state it bitchy as in "...he's a meal ticket" or you can state it nice, as in, "he's a good provider."
But the fact remains, the rich guys get the pick of the litter (unless you can play guitar and own a leather jacket).
**Fear of being alone will make people do strange things. You can't place all your value on how someone else views you.**
That is for damn sure!
For the same reason men like to do it, I suspect.
I'll take that bet. Most women who stay home are doing it to take care of their children. As the kids get older and involved in activities, there is lots of chauffering and gophering. I know from the outside looking in it may seem like the mothers have all day to clean while the kids are at school, but that's just not the case. You should really spend a month with a stay at home mom and then see why their houses are generally not as clean as someone who puts the kids in daycare or afterschool care.
Oh yeah,
And about Donna Reed,
I was quoting some wackaloon poster who stated that she was the ideal female because she always kept house in a dress and heels. It wasn't the housewife that was weird, it was the get up ;)
I'm all for practical and comfy :)
"Women are hard to understand. Especially the ones who burn their bras, then ask for support."
Ha ha! Tell me that pun was intentional.
I stay at home, and I don't go to tanning booths or country clubs.
Even if I did, I figure I deserve it. I have 3 kids, 2 of them are twins. I went on 3 months of complete bedrest to have the twins. It was a lot of hard work to even have the twins.
Then, my twins got sick and almost died of a respiratory virus. One of them has brain damage. The other one had severe asthma. The one with asthma, had to have breathing treatments every 2 hours for a year. Both of them had physical therapy several times a week. At 9, they are both still in speech therapy. One of them also had occupational therapy on top of all the other therapy.
We barely managed me staying home, but the doctors told us that the twins could not go to daycare.
Also, insurance does not pay for speech therapy. It cost $300/week for my daughters to go to speech therapy for 4 years.
I couldn't afford nice clothes, so I ran around in sweats most of the time when they were little.
I couldn't get babysitters because I couldn't find anyone who could handle 3 young kids, one with brain damage.
I am so thankful now that I actually have a few hours to myself while they are in school. However, from about 2-9 pm it will be crazy. If I manage to go to the mall occasionally for a few hours or eat a few bon bons, I deserve it, and so do all the other stay at home moms that make sacrifices for their children.
cogent bunny!
"Methinks Lorianne is in la-la-land."
Methinks the two of you are either very low wage earners or clueless about finances if you'll both have to still be working fulltime when you're nearing 70!
So, what's the scoop? Divorces and kids to still support? Illness? Death of a spouse who was a good wage-earner? Time in jail? Bad investment advice? Living beyond your means? Recovering from a bankruptcy?
I'm just always curious when I run across people that will have to work well into their retirement years. You serve as motivation to me to stay my course and be retired in another 10 years at age 55...whether or not my husband trades me in for a younger model. Oh, wait! I AM the "Younger Model" right now...better start flirting with the Old Geezers around town, LOL!
(You don't have to answer if your circumstances are too embarassing, of course!)
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