Posted on 09/22/2005 5:48:16 PM PDT by wagglebee
We hear a lot of talk these days about the need to protect and strengthen the traditional American family. Certainly, it is true that the institution of marriage is under attack from every side. But the real threat comes from the multitudes of couples that fail to honor their marriage vows.
Adultery is one of the most terrible "facts of life" in contemporary America. If you watch the daily soap operas on TV many of which are just soft-core pornography you might get the impression that there are more people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And you might be right.
How many people have affairs? That's hard to say because not everybody will answer honestly. But sex therapist Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth conservatively estimates that about 60 percent of married men and 40 percent of married women will have an affair at some time during their marriage. Maggie Scarf, author of Intimate Partners basically agrees.
Since these books were written more than a decade ago, and since more women are leaving the home and entering the workforce, the number of wives having affairs may also have reached the 60 percent range.
Americans have a schizophrenic attitude toward adultery.
While 90 percent admit that adultery is morally wrong, according to a Time-CNN poll, 50 percent say that President Bill Clinton's morals are "about the same as the average married man." While 35 percent think that adultery should be a crime, 61 percent think it shouldn't.
Having an affair simply doesn't carry the social stigma that it once did.
According to Playboy magazine, 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men have sexual thoughts about their coworkers, and about the same number follow through on those libidinous impulses.
Why do husbands and wives cheat on their spouses? Psychologists cite subjective issues like loss of love and feelings of alienation. Certainly the media pressure of our sex-saturated society is a significant influence.
But a major factor is the easy availability of cheap and plentiful Internet pornography.
Statistics show that 25 percent of all Internet search engine requests are related to pornography.
According to the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, "approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with the Internet." And while 76 percent of women feel that phone sex or cyber-sex is the equivalent of committing adultery, only 41 percent of men do.
Dr. Alvin Cooper and MSNBC.com conducted an online poll of 38,000 people, and 10 percent admitted that they were addicted to Internet pornography.
What's more, a lot of those Internet sex addicts eventually progress from cyber-sex to real-time sexual affairs.
Some legal professionals estimate that as many as one-third of all divorces may have their roots in Internet porn or online affairs. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch," explains J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
The pain and suffering caused by adultery is immense, especially for children. They are more likely never to marry, or to later divorce, if they had divorced or cheating parents. After a divorce, many children are unable ever to develop strong, trusting relationships.
There is a direct correlation between the steady decline of morals and values in America and this more accepting contemporary attitude toward adultery. Part of the reason is because most people have forgotten what a marriage really is.
Marriage is more than just a legal status recognized by the state, or even a temporary social contract between two people.
True marriage is a solemn covenant relationship between a man, a woman and God. It is a hallowed institution that should be revered, cherished, and preserved.
The act of adultery is childish and selfish, and it hurts everyone involved.
It violates at least two of the Ten Commandments: the clear prohibitions against committing adultery and coveting your neighbor's spouse.
If we care about the future of our great nation, we as a people must relearn the virtue and necessity of staying committed to the spouses to whom we are married.
Whenever I am tempted I just think of my love for my wife and children. Nothing in this world is worth losing that. Alcohol is a BIG factor in adultery. People need to really watch themselves inb social-work settings where booze is present.
I agree.
I personally know of four conservative Christian men who betrayed their families and committed adultery.
Not a single one repented and came back...
And this was in a VERY conservative church!
I am baffled by it all...
Ed
"What's more, I believe anyone who signs one of those detestable pre-nuptial contracts has no understanding what a true marriage is and really shouldn't bother with it!"
I have to disagree with that. My third sister and her husband signed one when they married and they are just celebrating their 30th anniversary. Carol was a wonderful person but was lazy and untidy, among other things; they signed a contract that if she would keep the house and rear the children to acceptable standards, she would never have to go out and get a job. For five years it was a continual fight, and then it clicked and they have been very happy together and raised two good kids and have a grand child now. Pre Nups can work if you know what you are doing.
"I have definite convictions about adultery; the spouse that commits adultery should be executed. Period"
...
oh, so you're the founder of the Taliban? (sarc)
I knew that would be taken wrong. Those I work with and go to church and do community projects with do not add up to a huge number but I think we take our vows to heart. Got to go cook breakfast and serve it for our community fair attendees now.
Betrayal is a cruel thing. When someone has declared their love for you then stomped it into the ground (in front of your children) I don't think I'd be feeling warm and fuzzy. I don't advocate death but severe punishments financially. I would say socially but this society isn't up to that task.
"all is fair and love is war"
You're not God and careful what YOU wish for, you just might get it.
Well I guess for some people who ought not be together in the first place, it can be war.
If someone is looking for a life companion to help and be helped by, to go through life as a team, to care about that other person as much or even more than you care about yourself, to be faithful and loyal even when you see the warts (and guess what, they see yours), even when times are tough, to reach out your hand and help your spouse over the rough spots, to cheer him or her when she's down, to share the good times, to know when to talk, when to listen, and when to leave him/her alone...And to do it all because God says that's the way it should be - then it's very likely the marriage will be a good one.
If someone marries knowing that even when the outside ages, the inside is still eternal - and learns to see through the outside into the inside - that will be a good marriage.
If someone is looking for a sex object who will never get old, a meal ticket who'll always make lots of money, someone who's hair will never turn grey or fall out, don't get married.
Great post.
It is never mercy to break one's holy vow.
It is simply justification for selfishness.
Why? Because you have a vow and a responsibility that says to hang in there through the tougher times.
It is pretty simple.
Well said
The upper classes throughout history have always had adulterous affairs. They had "leisure" time and resources not available to the peasants. With the rise of living standards, this is no suprise.
I have no problem with huge cash awards to the aggrieved party, if that's what she seeks.
But death at the hands of the state is too much, in my view. It IS lamentably true that society no longer attaches the shame it once did. A good old-fashioned shunning goes a long way.
I know of one who has gotten away with it and sits in church and has been married for 19 years. The funny thing is he is in another state and I found out through a relative. It is a small world. He wife has no idea. I believe he thinks the world of himself and is very simple minded and feels well proud that he has gotten away with this for now. Once a man cheats they do not stop.
While none of this makes the flagrant adultery right, it does put it in perspective. Remember in these cases, there WAS NO BETRAYAL OF TRUST. From what we can observe, these situations describe the Klintoons perfectly.
Where did you get all that?
Parially true. Not all societies had arranged marriages for alliance/wealth purposes, though they more often than not, as is true even today, married in the same class. The rise of the mercantile classes took away the exclusiveness to wealth from the nobility and political classes.
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