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Adultery Is Killing the American Family
Illinois Leader ^ | 9/22/05 | Nathan Tabor

Posted on 09/22/2005 5:48:16 PM PDT by wagglebee

We hear a lot of talk these days about the need to protect and strengthen the traditional American family. Certainly, it is true that the institution of marriage is under attack from every side. But the real threat comes from the multitudes of couples that fail to honor their marriage vows.

Adultery is one of the most terrible "facts of life" in contemporary America. If you watch the daily soap operas on TV ­ many of which are just soft-core pornography ­ you might get the impression that there are more people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And you might be right.

How many people have affairs? That's hard to say because not everybody will answer honestly. But sex therapist Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth conservatively estimates that about 60 percent of married men and 40 percent of married women will have an affair at some time during their marriage. Maggie Scarf, author of Intimate Partners basically agrees.

Since these books were written more than a decade ago, and since more women are leaving the home and entering the workforce, the number of wives having affairs may also have reached the 60 percent range.

Americans have a schizophrenic attitude toward adultery.

While 90 percent admit that adultery is morally wrong, according to a Time-CNN poll, 50 percent say that President Bill Clinton's morals are "about the same as the average married man." While 35 percent think that adultery should be a crime, 61 percent think it shouldn't.

Having an affair simply doesn't carry the social stigma that it once did.

According to Playboy magazine, 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men have sexual thoughts about their coworkers, and about the same number follow through on those libidinous impulses.

Why do husbands and wives cheat on their spouses? Psychologists cite subjective issues like loss of love and feelings of alienation. Certainly the media pressure of our sex-saturated society is a significant influence.

But a major factor is the easy availability of cheap and plentiful Internet pornography.

Statistics show that 25 percent of all Internet search engine requests are related to pornography.

According to the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, "approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with the Internet." And while 76 percent of women feel that phone sex or cyber-sex is the equivalent of committing adultery, only 41 percent of men do.

Dr. Alvin Cooper and MSNBC.com conducted an online poll of 38,000 people, and 10 percent admitted that they were addicted to Internet pornography.

What's more, a lot of those Internet sex addicts eventually progress from cyber-sex to real-time sexual affairs.

Some legal professionals estimate that as many as one-third of all divorces may have their roots in Internet porn or online affairs. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch," explains J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

The pain and suffering caused by adultery is immense, especially for children. They are more likely never to marry, or to later divorce, if they had divorced or cheating parents. After a divorce, many children are unable ever to develop strong, trusting relationships.

There is a direct correlation between the steady decline of morals and values in America and this more accepting contemporary attitude toward adultery. Part of the reason is because most people have forgotten what a marriage really is.

Marriage is more than just a legal status recognized by the state, or even a temporary social contract between two people.

True marriage is a solemn covenant relationship between a man, a woman and God. It is a hallowed institution that should be revered, cherished, and preserved.

The act of adultery is childish and selfish, and it hurts everyone involved.

It violates at least two of the Ten Commandments: the clear prohibitions against committing adultery and coveting your neighbor's spouse.

If we care about the future of our great nation, we as a people must relearn the virtue and necessity of staying committed to the spouses to whom we are married.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: 1firstkeyword; adultery; clintonlegacy; divorce; dontdoit; familyvalues; feminazis; feminism; godhelpus; ithurtstoomuch; itisasinbeforegod; keepherhappy; keephimhappy; manhaters; moralabsolutes; mygoatcheatedonme; myhusbandcheatedonme; mywifecheatedonme; sexualfreedom; sin; theycausesomuchpain; weakbatteries; womenatwork
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To: Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...

Um fornication when one is married is adultry. I know what the scripture means, do you?


181 posted on 09/22/2005 9:30:56 PM PDT by marajade (Yes, I'm a SW freak!)
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To: Alkhin

"so what do you say to the child who IS born out of wedlock? that they are "less than" worthy of societal integration because of a bad decision their mother made? Because thats what I hear every time I hear the word bastard...and how children born out of wedlock were automatically shunted out of the 'normal' flow of societal movement...is this what you think we shoudl return to?"

It's late, so I'm just going to pretend you're drunk or you have hurricane jitters.

"so what do you say to the child who IS born out of wedlock?"

Sorry your parents weren't married when you were born, I'd say. I hope you've found a father-figure who fills that role in just nicely for you. Or maybe even your biological father checks in on you now and then. Please remember: Others chose your status, not you. You are no less worthy, in any way, than any person you come across, in your entire life.

"that they are "less than" worthy of societal integration because of a bad decision their mother made?"

You're speaking from a perspective that is at least 35 years old, maybe older. First of all, if the mother decided to have the kid, that's a good decision. If you're talking about her behavior that led to her pregnancy, it was actually a minimum of two bad decisions, followed no doubt by countless others.

"Because thats what I hear every time I hear the word bastard..."

The word bastard was originally a legal term. It's an ugly word, I'll grant you, but I did not coin it.

"and how children born out of wedlock were automatically shunted out of the 'normal' flow of societal movement..."

Nobody's shunted anywhere, least of all from the normal flow of societal movement. My whole point was: They're NOT shunted anywhere. Most of society, per the media and prevailing stupidity, see an unmarried woman with a child as just another lifestyle choice--as valid as the one with two parents, two mommies, etc. It's like the view on marriage they're trying to sell us: man, woman; man, man; woman, woman; squirrel...hammer.

"is this what you think we shoudl return to?""

I think we should return to careful reading of people's posts before we fire off assinine responses like yours.

You have really cheesed me off. I suspect that you shot off because you are somehow close to this situation of a child born out of wedlock, in one way or another.

This usually goes like this: We fire back several responses, each escalating the fire, until we flame out and end up apologizing, or else put one another on our FR enemies for life list.

Let's save some time and energy. I apologize for any and all insults you may have perceived. I know I must have meant them in the moment, but now they seem too harsh. I can't take them back, as I already said them. But part of me--and not necessarily a small part--wishes that I had just gone to bed.

Stay safe from big weather.

Love you, man (but not in the homo way).


182 posted on 09/22/2005 9:32:04 PM PDT by John Robertson (Safe Travel)
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To: wagglebee; All
Clinton's legacy is a shame to us all. Our image overseas continues to suffer.

An American Expat in Southeast Asia

183 posted on 09/22/2005 9:32:40 PM PDT by expatguy (http://laotze.blogspot.com/)
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To: HitmanNY

Ever here the one --

Guy wakes up with a splitting hang-over, looks over on the nighstand and finds a note that reads: Darling, I just popped out to get you oranges for fresh squeezed o.j., but in the meantime, take these aspirin and there are eggs in the kitchen, just the way you like them. Also, don't worry about picking up the dry cleaning or watching the kids today. I love you!!!!!"

He staggers out and sees one of his kids and asked what happened. The kid says, "You came home drunk last night, plowed into the back of the garage and totalled all of grandma's crystal and killed the dog. Then went into the livingroom, threw up, and crashed into the antique tea cart smashing all those little cups. Then you went upstairs, threw up again and passed out in the hall. Then when mom tried to take your pants off, you started shouting, "Lady, don't, I'm married. Please."


184 posted on 09/22/2005 9:34:09 PM PDT by durasell
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To: vetvetdoug
I have definite convictions about adultery; the spouse that commits adultery should be executed. Period

A Biblically informed opinion. We fried the Rosenbergs for handing atomic secrets over to the Reds. Adultery is treason against a social unit vastly more important than "this republic, for which is stands." The Rosenberg's capital offense was a trivial treason by comparison.

185 posted on 09/22/2005 9:35:31 PM PDT by TomSmedley (Calvinist, optimist, home schooling dad, exuberant husband, technical writer)
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To: durasell

Never heard it, but it's a good one! ;-)


186 posted on 09/22/2005 9:35:34 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: HitmanNY
The single biggest factor when it comes to adultery hasn't much to do with love, loyalty, religion, smarts, morality, or anything like that. It's opportunity.

Many Christian men that I know will never ever let themselves be left alone with a woman who is by herself. I believe that Billy Graham wrote some common sense things about this once but I doubt I can lay my fingers on it quickly.

187 posted on 09/22/2005 9:36:30 PM PDT by Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...
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To: TomSmedley

Just when I thought this thread had gone as far over the top as it could.


188 posted on 09/22/2005 9:37:15 PM PDT by Melas (The dumber the troll, the longer the thread)
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To: Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...

It's only through being exposed to such opportunities that you find out who you are...


189 posted on 09/22/2005 9:37:54 PM PDT by durasell
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To: Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...

Well, lets not understate it and lets not overstate it, either. I think being mindful that temptation is real and that it has a lot to do with opportunity, just cut down on the opportunity.

It's hard because no matter what marital status is, pleasant (nonsexual) interaction with someone you find sexually pleasing is nice. Just be mindful of it, and proceed wisely.


190 posted on 09/22/2005 9:41:40 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: durasell

I agree. That being said, when someone says 'trust me,' they really should be saying 'trust me not to put myself in that circumstance.'

The fact that 'trust me' is often said by people willingly walking into that kind of circumstance undermines the protest just a bit.


191 posted on 09/22/2005 9:43:09 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: Melas

Adultery is bad business, but I don't understand that Taliban mentality when it pops up on FR. There is nothing particularly 'conservative' about it. Just weird. I agree with you - that is way over the top.


192 posted on 09/22/2005 9:44:44 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: durasell
It's only through being exposed to such opportunities that you find out who you are...

Yeah, and it's only by putting a bullet through one's head that one can quickly find out what's on the other side. We already know what we are (weak sinners with a taste for flesh) - the rules God put in place are there to protect us and when one goes outside the rules, one is exposed to all the dangers.

193 posted on 09/22/2005 9:44:58 PM PDT by Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...
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To: Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...

"We already know what we are (weak sinners with a taste for flesh)"

Speak for yourself please. Not everyone has the same weaknesses.


194 posted on 09/22/2005 9:47:29 PM PDT by marajade (Yes, I'm a SW freak!)
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To: HitmanNY

Still it's interesting. Most people walk around thinking they're one type of guy and are shocked to find out they're another guy altogether. Or, they're so fearful of temptation that it makes me wonder what sordid little scenarios they have playing in their heads.


195 posted on 09/22/2005 9:47:46 PM PDT by durasell
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To: Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...

One more question: Where does God state exactly that a married man shouldn't be alone with a woman who isn't his wife?


196 posted on 09/22/2005 9:48:47 PM PDT by marajade (Yes, I'm a SW freak!)
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To: durasell

I agree with you. For example, for many years I thought I was a nice guy who liked women for who they were as a person, not for base physical qualities.

Then I woke up one day & realized I was full of it. ;-)


197 posted on 09/22/2005 9:49:27 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...

You really think everyone is a weak sinner with a taste for flesh?

And I thought I was a cynic!


198 posted on 09/22/2005 9:49:58 PM PDT by durasell
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To: HitmanNY
My standard advice for dealing with a cheating galpal or spouse is to leave them. I have a very utility-based argument for that, too, if anyone wants to know.

I'd be interested in hearing it...

199 posted on 09/22/2005 9:50:26 PM PDT by Screaming_Gerbil (Let's Roll...)
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To: durasell

My poison isn't flesh, its food and wine. LOL. Maybe I shouldn't be left alone with a refrigerator full of food and cellar full of wine.


200 posted on 09/22/2005 9:51:20 PM PDT by marajade (Yes, I'm a SW freak!)
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