Ever here the one --
Guy wakes up with a splitting hang-over, looks over on the nighstand and finds a note that reads: Darling, I just popped out to get you oranges for fresh squeezed o.j., but in the meantime, take these aspirin and there are eggs in the kitchen, just the way you like them. Also, don't worry about picking up the dry cleaning or watching the kids today. I love you!!!!!"
He staggers out and sees one of his kids and asked what happened. The kid says, "You came home drunk last night, plowed into the back of the garage and totalled all of grandma's crystal and killed the dog. Then went into the livingroom, threw up, and crashed into the antique tea cart smashing all those little cups. Then you went upstairs, threw up again and passed out in the hall. Then when mom tried to take your pants off, you started shouting, "Lady, don't, I'm married. Please."
Never heard it, but it's a good one! ;-)