Man commits suicide after learning Harry Potter spoiler

http://www.jewishworldreview.com ^ | Andy Borowitz

[manny613]

A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling opus, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince."

Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live."

[SpottedBeaver]

I seem to recall many years ago that a 12 year old killed himself because the original TV series "Battlestar Galactica" was canceled.

Oh no... that was me. And it wasn't so much as them canceling the original "Battlestar Galactica", it was what they replaced it with. "Battlestar Galactica 1980". That was enough to drive anyone off a cliff.

[timsbella]

"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude's life, even if he didn't have one," she said.


There's your sign...

[reagan_fanatic]

Uh, dudes, maybe a mass suicide is in order here. I am sure this is a joke article.

LOL...you have to understand that in the society we live in, ANYTHING is possible, including this!

In any event, I'm sure that Bush had something to do with it.

[Ciexyz]

Sheesh I hope nobody posts the spoilers to the Fantastic Four movie.

[LanaTurnerOverdrive]

It appears that most of the FReepers today don't understand that this is not a real story. Sad, and funny, that they will also miss the irony that they are making fun of the intelligence level of others. To witness this FReeper PHenom just post an Onion article and watch the ensuing confusion.

Thanks for lightening the mood a bit.

[Cousin Eddie]

Ahhh...should have looked at the by-line and read the full article.

[RepubMommy]

How long before the lawsuit against the author is filed?

[Ciexyz]

There's always the new Battlestar Gallactica on the Sci Fi Channel, starring Jamie Bamber and Edward Olmos. (I'm hoping it comes out on DVD soon cause I don't have cable.)

[Finger Monkey]

Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston's death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information

Brilliant!

Yes!

Excellent solution.

Please, Gubment, protect me from myself.

Your adoring idiot,

Bertha

[TexasCajun]

I guess it's a good thing no one told Jude about Santa when he was younger.

[Finger Monkey]

Dang.

Just dang.

There is too much to say.

Truly, the story speaks for itself.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

"Hocus Pocus, Idiot Croakus."

ROTFLMAO!! Definitely in the running for post of the day!

[tom paine 2]

Whenever I see these fruit loops dressed up as ------ (fill in the blank) I think of Triumph The Insult Comic Dogs routine when he confronts the folks dressed in Star Wars costumes outside a theatre. I was gut busting funny and shows how some of these dorks will never have a grip on reality.

[Eagles Talon IV]

Damn!! Best example of proof for the theory of natural selection I've ever seen.

[CharacterCounts]

Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston's death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place.

I guarantee Ms. Clovis votes Democratic.

[null and void]

So what's the spoiler????

[Darksheare]

LOL!
Glad there isn't much I take seriously in life.
/ bad joke.

[RegulatorCountry]

"I no longer have a reason to live."
 
Well. That settles it, then. I do wonder how this clearly mentally ill man would have responded to learning the "spoiler," once "Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince" had actually been released? Killed himself over marketing hype... is there a more inane reason to die?

[tiredoflaundry]

I'm doomed!

[tiredoflaundry]

Pingus Maxima!