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Man commits suicide after learning Harry Potter spoiler
http://www.jewishworldreview.com ^
| Andy Borowitz
Posted on 07/08/2005 7:50:05 AM PDT by manny613
A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling opus, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince."
Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live."
(Excerpt) Read more at jewishworldreview.com ...
TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: 10acrebutt; idiot; onlyajokefolks; satire
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To: tscislaw
I seem to recall many years ago that a 12 year old killed himself because the original TV series "Battlestar Galactica" was canceled. Oh no... that was me. And it wasn't so much as them canceling the original "Battlestar Galactica", it was what they replaced it with. "Battlestar Galactica 1980". That was enough to drive anyone off a cliff.
41
posted on
07/08/2005 8:17:35 AM PDT
by
SpottedBeaver
(An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. — Benjamin Franklin)
To: manny613
"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude's life, even if he didn't have one," she said.
There's your sign...
42
posted on
07/08/2005 8:19:42 AM PDT
by
timsbella
(Mark Steyn for Prime Minister of Canada!)
To: Williams
Uh, dudes, maybe a mass suicide is in order here. I am sure this is a joke article.
LOL...you have to understand that in the society we live in, ANYTHING is possible, including this!
In any event, I'm sure that Bush had something to do with it.
43
posted on
07/08/2005 8:21:29 AM PDT
by
reagan_fanatic
("We must be tolerant and understanding of those trying to blow us to pieces" - Ted Kennedy)
To: Tanniker Smith
Sheesh I hope nobody posts the spoilers to the Fantastic Four movie.
44
posted on
07/08/2005 8:22:43 AM PDT
by
Ciexyz
(Let us always remember, the Lord is in control.)
To: manny613
It appears that most of the FReepers today don't understand that this is not a real story. Sad, and funny, that they will also miss the irony that they are making fun of the intelligence level of others. To witness this FReeper PHenom just post an Onion article and watch the ensuing confusion.
Thanks for lightening the mood a bit.
To: 80 Square Miles
Ahhh...should have looked at the by-line and read the full article.
To: manny613
How long before the lawsuit against the author is filed?
To: SpottedBeaver
There's always the new Battlestar Gallactica on the Sci Fi Channel, starring Jamie Bamber and Edward Olmos. (I'm hoping it comes out on DVD soon cause I don't have cable.)
48
posted on
07/08/2005 8:28:10 AM PDT
by
Ciexyz
(Let us always remember, the Lord is in control.)
To: manny613
Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston's death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information Brilliant!
Yes!
Excellent solution.
Please, Gubment, protect me from myself.
Your adoring idiot,
Bertha
49
posted on
07/08/2005 8:28:14 AM PDT
by
Finger Monkey
(H.R. 25, Fair Tax Act - A consumption tax which replaces the income tax, SS tax, death tax, etc.)
To: manny613
I guess it's a good thing no one told Jude about Santa when he was younger.
To: manny613
Dang.
Just dang.
There is too much to say.
Truly, the story speaks for itself.
51
posted on
07/08/2005 8:29:20 AM PDT
by
Finger Monkey
(H.R. 25, Fair Tax Act - A consumption tax which replaces the income tax, SS tax, death tax, etc.)
To: Sax; Darksheare; Owl_Eagle; pissant; Dashing Dasher; najida
"Hocus Pocus, Idiot Croakus." ROTFLMAO!! Definitely in the running for post of the day!
52
posted on
07/08/2005 8:30:28 AM PDT
by
Jersey Republican Biker Chick
(People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
To: Reagan79
Whenever I see these fruit loops dressed up as ------ (fill in the blank) I think of Triumph The Insult Comic Dogs routine when he confronts the folks dressed in Star Wars costumes outside a theatre. I was gut busting funny and shows how some of these dorks will never have a grip on reality.
To: manny613
Damn!! Best example of proof for the theory of natural selection I've ever seen.
To: manny613
Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston's death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place. I guarantee Ms. Clovis votes Democratic.
To: CharacterCounts; yall
So what's the spoiler????
56
posted on
07/08/2005 8:33:17 AM PDT
by
null and void
(You'll learn more on FR by accident, than other places by design)
To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
LOL!
Glad there isn't much I take seriously in life.
/ bad joke.
57
posted on
07/08/2005 8:36:09 AM PDT
by
Darksheare
(Hey troll, Sith happens.)
To: manny613
"I no longer have a reason to live."
Well. That settles it, then. I do wonder how this clearly mentally ill man would have responded to learning the "spoiler," once "Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince" had actually been released? Killed himself over marketing hype... is there a more inane reason to die?
To: manny613
I'm doomed!
59
posted on
07/08/2005 8:36:19 AM PDT
by
tiredoflaundry
(God Bless our British Allies !)
To: retrokitten
60
posted on
07/08/2005 8:37:06 AM PDT
by
tiredoflaundry
(God Bless our British Allies !)
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