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The Planets Have Made Up Their Mind: Kerry Wins (Reuters desperation becoming comical)
Reuters ^ | Fri, Oct 29, 2004

Posted on 10/29/2004 8:34:54 AM PDT by presidio9

Surveys in the United States may be showing the race for president as too close to call but top Indian astrologers say the planets have clearly made up their mind: John Kerry will win.

Planets governing President Bush are eclipsed and in an uncomfortable position, making his tenure controversial and his re-election bid unsuccessful, the soothsayers said on Friday, four days before the vote.

On the other hand, the planets of Democratic challenger Senator John Kerry were in the ascendant, ensuring him success in competitions.

"Saturn, which is the lord of health and fortune for President Bush, has been eclipsed by the Sun, which is unfortunate and gives him a clear defeat," Lachhman Das Madan, editor of a popular astrology magazine, told Reuters.

"Kerry will win," said Madan, who is also known as "the emperor of astrologers." "It is cosmic writ that George W. Bush cannot become president of United States again."

Ajai Bhambi, a senior astrologer and author of several books on the science of predictions, agreed.

"Kerry is likely to beat Bush in the final verdict," he told the New Indian Express newspaper.

Bejan Daruwalla, another top astrologer, told Reuters he had yet to calculate who would win Tuesday's election. But Bush, even if he won, would not be allowed by his planets to complete a full term, he said.

Astrology is extremely popular in India and many top politicians, businessmen and movie stars consult astrologers before taking important decisions.

Tuesday's vote is forecast to be one of the closest in American history. A Reuters/Zogby poll showed on Thursday that Bush was leading Kerry by 48 to 46 percent but the lead was well within the poll's margin of error.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: astrology; desperatedems; napalminthemorning; prozacchewables; reuterskerryagenda; thorazine; uranusjokesneverold; wot
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To: presidio9
When the Redskins win the Sunday (or Monday) before the election, the party in power stays in the White House.

When the Redskins lose the Sunday before the election, the party in power changes.

As long as the Redskins have been in Washington, this has worked 100%.

I figured it's just as scientific as this astrology crap.

61 posted on 10/29/2004 9:16:05 AM PDT by Allegra (You want fries with that?)
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To: Chinito; Constitution Day; Tijeras_Slim; martin_fierro; finnman69; TheBigB
I'm glad you put that there. I was racking my brain to come up with some reference that wouldn't get me thrown out of here and banned for life.

Trust me, if anybody here is in danger of getting banned for life its your truely.

62 posted on 10/29/2004 9:17:31 AM PDT by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does)
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To: dbehsman

Ping to myself


63 posted on 10/29/2004 9:28:35 AM PDT by dbehsman (NRA Life member and loving every minute of it!)
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To: presidio9

Ms. Cleo eclipses Uranus

and pretty much everything else (rimshot)


64 posted on 10/29/2004 9:33:46 AM PDT by sully777 (Our descendants will be enslaved by political expediency and expenditure)
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To: presidio9

When will they be reading the chicken-entrails?


65 posted on 10/29/2004 9:34:14 AM PDT by tiamat ("Just a Bronze-Age Gal, Trapped in a Techno-World!")
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To: presidio9

Reuters isn't playing this as a joke, are they? This is presented as straight-up news. Watch the skies!


66 posted on 10/29/2004 9:45:30 AM PDT by sevry
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To: presidio9

These are the same media jerks who ridiculed Nancy Reagan for "consulting an astrologer."


67 posted on 10/29/2004 9:55:08 AM PDT by Bonaparte (twisting slowly, slowly in the wind...)
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To: RightthinkinAmerican
F%$# astronomers.

You're just trolling me, right? I almost bit hard...
68 posted on 10/29/2004 9:58:38 AM PDT by beezdotcom (I'm usually either right or wrong...)
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To: Constantine XIII
Election 2004: Even the Astrologers Can't Agree on the Outcome

69 posted on 10/29/2004 9:59:57 AM PDT by Bonaparte (twisting slowly, slowly in the wind...)
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To: presidio9
Planets governing President Bush...

Fortunately for us, planets don't govern President Bush.

He who made them does.

70 posted on 10/29/2004 10:01:56 AM PDT by Nervous Tick
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To: Constantine XIII
Wouldn't be surprised at all. Right after college (X years ago, sigh), I dated 3 ''journalists'' right in sequence. Two of 'em, absolutely first thing in the morning, the coffee not yet percolated, simply HAD to read their daily horoscopes in the local rag.

And were NOT amused when yr hmbl srvnt poked considerable fun. I went so far once as to get a freshly slaughtered chicken from a nearby farm and asked one of these ladies if she'd read its entrails for me. (This was, in retrospect, not the wisest of moves; cleaning up thrown chicken guts is incredibly tedious...)

:^)

71 posted on 10/29/2004 10:02:13 AM PDT by SAJ (Buy 2 March NG 15.00 calls, write 5 March NG 18.50calls against, for 5-10 cent credit.)
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To: hflynn
How many Electoral Votes does Jupiter, Mars, Venus, etc each have?

I don't know about that, but apparently Kerry is Uranus' favorite son candidate.

72 posted on 10/29/2004 10:02:38 AM PDT by headsonpikes (Spirit of '76 bttt!)
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To: presidio9

So when President Bush wins, is this guy going to admit he's a quack?


73 posted on 10/29/2004 10:03:02 AM PDT by k2blader (It is neither compassionate nor conservative to support the expansion of socialism.)
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To: SAJ

^^ ROFL!


74 posted on 10/29/2004 10:14:28 AM PDT by Constantine XIII
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To: presidio9

Rooters is rooting around in garbage... like the swine they are..


75 posted on 10/29/2004 11:03:07 AM PDT by hosepipe (N)
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To: Conservative Texan Mom

Naw, I'm Katlick. We don't believe in physicists.
It must be that I'm part of a secret Jewish organization that is so secret I don't even know it. Ya know, like the Pope.


76 posted on 10/29/2004 1:02:38 PM PDT by dangus
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To: presidio9

I think it is safe to say now that the astrologers were wrong. I wonder if they will even acknowledge the fact that they were dead wrong?


77 posted on 11/04/2004 5:21:08 PM PST by dbehsman (NRA Life member and loving every minute of it!)
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