Kerry Campaigns With His Butler

NewsMax.com ^ | 4/28/04 | Carl Limbacher and NewsMax.com Staff

[kattracks]

Beacon Hill blue blood John Kerry likes to portray himself as the presidential candidate of the common man. But there's one common man he finds indispensable on the campaign trail: his butler.

Like a scene out of the old British drama "Upstairs Downstairs," Kerry would be helpless without his trusty manservant Marvin Nicholson by his side, who stands ready to cater to his master's every whim, according to the New York Times today.

"When he wants that peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm ready," Nicholson told the Times.

Of Nicholson's omnipresence on the campaign trail, the paper noted, "Mr. Kerry is comfortable being catered to."

Like any good butler, Nicholson comes to his job well prepared to serve the Boston Brahmin politico at a moments notice. Among the items Nicholson carries at all times:

* Loose change - apparently in case the husband of millionairess Teresa Heinz wants to leave one of his notoriously meager tips.

* Tylenol, Advil, Advil Liquid Gels and Advil Sinus pills - lest continuing questions about his Vietnam War record give him a migraine.

* Swedish hand cream - because good old American-made Vaseline Intensive Care just isn't good enough.

* Halls cough drops - in case the silver spoon in Kerry's begins to irritate.

* A Ziplock bag with Kerry's favorite PB & J sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil.

* Scope mouthwash, Handiwipes, two packs of Band-Aids, a sewing kit, a can of diet milkshake [Kerry prefers strawberry], a tube of Blistex and a myriad of other accouterments that the hoi poloi who can't afford a butler must provide for themselves.

And for catering to the candidate's every whim, the fabulously wealthy Heinz-Kerrys pay Nicholson a wildly generous (by Kerry's standards) $45,000 annually.

[jla]

This is pathetic, this is hillarious! LOL

[narby]

An issue like this couldn't have been generated by the Reps. This has the smell of Slick on it.

[Choose Ye This Day]

"Marvin, get up here and wipe my nose for me. There's a good man."

[Republican Red]

Something about the word "manservant" that makes me giggle.

In a Presidential campaign I would not think that is good. LOL

[Blood of Tyrants]

You don't get as wealthy as Tarayza and John by being generous with YOUR money.

[conservativeharleyguy]

It sounds like what Kerry really needs is a purse. Maybe one of thsoe Euro-fag shoulder throws.

[reagan_fanatic]

Yea, but how would you tell them apart?

[cyncooper]

The devil you say!

Is the NY Times article posted? This is like Christmas!

[Freemyland]

"Hey, you didn't cut the crust off my F'n PB & J, you SOB!"

[headsonpikes]

"Marvin, get up here...

It's 'Nicholson', not 'Marvin', old man, as in:

"I say, Nicholson, a fresh handkerchief, please.....there's a good chap ... merci!"

That's how a natural gentleman such as his lordship JF Kerry addresses his manservant.

He served in Viet Nam, don't you know!

[Mark]

Are the terms, "valet", "servant" , "manservant", and "slave" TOTALLY INTERCHANGABLE ?

[Choose Ye This Day]

You're right, of course. It's always "Jeeves" or some last name, isn't it.

LOL!

[EllaMinnow]

I posted it, and so did areafiftyone - I'm sure at least one of the threads is still floating around.

I think it's hilarious.

[Aquinasfan]

"Mr. Kerry is comfortable being catered to."

Lovey! Loooovvveeeeey!

[TomGuy]

[jmstein7]

ONLINE Blast-Fax The NY Times For Their Latest Kerry Puff-Piece (FREE!)

[Roscoe Karns]

"Nicholson? Where are you, Nicholson?... damn you,Nicholson, if I have to straighten my own tie...

[F.J. Mitchell]

No toilet tissue? You mean his pampered hiney is exposed to toilet paper de jure, same as (gasp) the common man's rear?

Nicolson must really need the job.