Posted on 12/13/2003 5:58:47 AM PST by joesbucks
The problems of depression and despair.
Agreed.
Really? I've never gone so far as to wish I was dead or comtemplate taking my life. I have been through periods where the future seems very dark and maybe that is the moral equivilant to what you thought.
Either that was sarcastic or unbelievably ignorant.
Probably, being a Freeper -- well, an active one -- is a sign of having obsessive traits.
Of course, I want a woman to obsess over me, so this is a good place to meet people. :o)
PS: Good obsess. Not boil-the-pet-rabbit obsess.
Dressing is what you do on Thanksgiving so's yer not nude.
And it'd better not have anything funky in it like oysters or raisins.
If it doesn't have nuts, it's not breading.
I guess everyone uses that as the fatal attraction obession/metaphor.
A raving lunatic friend of mine, who is most definitely not a conservative, had what I thought was an interesting take on that . . . You have to look at your depression as you would a series of storms. They come and they go. When you're in the midst of one, do not allow your thoughts to turn to suicide. Instead batten down the hatches and hang on. Sunny days will come again. He's manic depressive and that works pretty well for him. But I think it can be helpful advice even for people who have chronic depression. Not every day is equally bad.
Several friends and acquaintances of mine have committed suicide. It always strikes me as being so terribly wasteful and irrational, particularly when a young person does it. I mean, if your life is unbearable, change your life. We all have the power to do that. If you can't bear being whatever in wherever and are really on the verge of killing yourself, chuck it all and go somewhere else and do something else. Even if it doesn't prove to be a permanent solution to all your problems, it'll give you a few additional months or years of life before the walls start closing in again. Simplistic, I know, but it's not meant to be judgemental and I can't help thinking it when I read about somebody taking their own life.
That was in a movie???
I'm just remembering my childhood sweetheart, when I talk about a woman boiling your pet rabbit.
Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I am blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said, or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through Your eyes and acknowledge it as evil.
And when I sin, let me repent and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing and receive the forgiveness of God. And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example; to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I am pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe. But I thank You that I believe.
I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love, and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.
This is my prayer in Jesus' Name, Amen.
~Author Unknown.
After that, I was given alot of tools to recognize and deal with clinical depression, manic depression, and panic disorders. The first was the awareness of what is going on in my brain when certain chemicals tapped out and how my body reacted as a result. In a nutshell, like computer signals that aren't timed properly, the signals in the brain aren't in sync and the messages that go out (or don't go out) to the body causes things to happen. Weird ticks and muscle spasms, visual darkening or cloudiness, lack of appetite, no strength in the legs (I had to mentally work each step I took for a time). As I slowly responded to medicines and got better rest, I was able to see how quickly I crashed when the depression overrode the medicines and how so many physical, mental and emotional symptoms flared up. They are now red flags to either slow down, get more rest, or take care of something causing stress and worry. One of the strangest red flags is when everything is visually darker. A heavy rain cloud from a front coming through suddenly blocked out the sun and the day went almost to night. I panicked at first thinking the depression took over only to find to my immense relief that it was about to rain. That shadow in my mind is usually accompanied by other symptoms which made this raincloud episode so strange - I was feeling great that day.
I also had to learn about my own feelings. I know this sounds like something from a liberal but it's not. I had strove so long to be logical and not emotional that I didn't recognize my own feelings, let alone how to deal with them. It would be something as simple as confusion. Now I recognize confusion when it's going on and take whatever steps to stop what is causing it. I also have to be careful with extra noises and visuals - the brain has to process them all and uses up those precious chemicals so quickly. So I tend to wear earplugs at work when there's high pitched noises or excessively loud work going on. Needless to say, the music on radios nowadays about sends me off my rocker. I feel my energy drain right away.
To deal with the short-term memory problems, I simplified the heck out of my life and set up a system for my checkbook and bills to protect me from overdrawn accounts or unpaided bills. One of the things that will send me into the depression fast is worry and having as little to worry about financially is a huge burden off the shoulders. I also had a list of things to check in the house before I left it to make sure I didn't leave anything on like stoves or irons so I didn't have to worry if my house was about to burn down. I also strive to keep to a routine as I function best in the morning and start tapping out in the afternoon. When I'm running on fumes, I'm playing with fire where the depression is concerned so I make sure I get my rest, go to bed early at roughly the same time, even on the weekends.
As for dealing with other people, the biggest lesson was not trying to meet other peoples' expectations. Such as at work - I have one boss and it's his directions I follow. If someone else tries to tell me to do something different from what my boss wants, I do one of two things: tell that person to get an ok by my boss first, or I go directly to my boss and see if I should do as the other person requests. If others don't like it, too bad. I answer to him and him first. With family and friends, those who won't try to understand my illness can whistle Dixie. I'm not here to live up to their standards - if my dishes aren't done or the cat prints are all over the tub, tough. I do what I can when I can and if they don't like it, well, shut up and help out. Otherwise, shut up and leave. Biggest rule is NO HEAD GAMES! If you can't be straight with me, get out of my life. I don't have the strength or patience to put up with crap like that and have come too far in the last 7 years to get knocked down again. It was too painful the first time - I wouldn't trade away one second of it for anything as I have more peace than I could have ever imagined but I sure as hell don't want to go there again.
One of the things I couldn't fathom at the time I crashed-n-burned was how long the recovery would take. I thought I needed only a couple weeks rest. I would have thought one insane if they had tried to tell me I wouldn't get back to work full-time and off all disability for over 18 months. But that's how long it took and the incredible frustration of it going on and on could send one over the edge. Incredible patience and support of others who know and understand is really needed.
After being on meds for six years, I weaned off them and haven't taken any for the last year. There's been a few waves but by hanging onto God and using all I've learned I done really well so far. I will admit to a certain about of pride in my accomplishment yet will always leave that door open to return to meds if necessary. I will not let myself consider checking out again. I will overcome this life and wait on God and His timing. Praying my own experience will help someone else along the way.
The brain is a wonderful organ until it goes awry.
And I rarely let myself go to unproductive places. Er, except Free Republic. But I mean mentally.
I'd humbly suggest getting involved with an online conservative news/activism forum . . .
The closest friend I had who committed suicide, I hadn't seen for a couple of years before he actually did it -- he was a former co-worker, I'd changed jobs, and we only kept in touch sporadically.
I do know that he was on medication, and he'd changed his life radically trying to escape the depression, but apparently it just kept following him. The ironic thing was, if you didn't know him well, you'd think he was the happiest fellow around - always a joke or funny story.
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