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The New Normal: Singleness in America
BreakPoint ^ | 11 Dec 03 | Chuck Colson

Posted on 12/11/2003 7:55:35 AM PST by Mr. Silverback

A pair of magazine articles recently revealed some intriguing facts about marriage and singleness in America. U.S. NEWS AND WORLD REPORT notes that Americans are getting married later in life. And, according to reporter Michelle Conlin in BUSINESS WEEK, "The U.S. Census Bureau's newest numbers show that married-couple households . . . have slipped from nearly 80 percent in the 1950s to just 50.7 percent [of the population] today. That means that the U.S.'s 86 million single adults could soon define the new majority . . . What many once thought of as the fringe is becoming the new normal."

As a result, the way we view many things -- singleness, marriage, friendships, and institutions -- is changing dramatically. For instance, U.S. NEWS AND WORLD REPORT's article focused on the so-called "Tribal Culture," in which single friends form highly organized groups that serve as a kind of substitute family. One such group, in Denver, has 110 members. But that number pales in comparison to some of the groups that are forming online at websites like Friendster.com where literally thousands of people meet to form social networks.

The existence of these "tribes" and these statistics tell us something about ourselves, the way we're wired. We are social beings: We need family and community -- even in a culture that prizes autonomy above all things. But BUSINESS WEEK's reporter sees a quite different meaning in the trend she calls "the new normal." Conlin argues that benefits like insurance and Social Security, which have always gone to married couples, should also be extended to singles, cohabiting couples, and homosexuals living together. She writes, "Just because matrimony is good for society doesn't mean that outmoded social benefits are."

Now, first let me say that it's important for Christians, when examining this trend, to avoid pointing fingers or acting as if singles are somehow inferior to married people. Surrounded by a culture fearful of commitment and more interested in "hooking up" than dating, even those who are interested in getting married often have a hard time finding anyone who shares their interest. Also, as Paul teaches in the New Testament, not everyone is called to be married.

However, there's a genuine cause for concern when people cite widespread singleness as an excuse to promote policies that denigrate traditional families. The benefits we give to two-parent families should have nothing to do with how many families there are. It's a recognition of the great importance of a stable family structure to our society, in all kinds of areas -- the strength of the workforce, the emotional health of kids, and even the physical health of adults. These benefits are one way that we encourage standards that reflect the way we were designed to live -- standards like lifelong faithfulness to one person and a committed mother and father for every child. The more we insist on ignoring these standards, the weaker our culture becomes.

Marriage already has enough strikes against it in a culture that largely considers it just one more "lifestyle choice." We don't need to discourage it even more. "The new normal" so-called may change a lot of things, but it shouldn't change the way we look at a God-ordained, time-tested institution. Tribes may have their place in the chaos of postmodern culture, but they are no substitute for marriage and the family.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: census; charlescolson; gays; homosexual; homosexuals; metrosexuals; singles
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To: Hodar
There are actually cases out there that guys pay child support to single mothers they dated. The kids weren't kids kids, he simply dated a girl for a while that already had kids.

Well, these guys ended up paying child support to their ex-girlfriends. They simply dated a girl who already had kids, and end up paying child support after they break up. Watch out, that nice little law will be nationwide before you know it.

Men are simply wallets in the view of a lot, if not most women, and the courts.

301 posted on 12/11/2003 3:07:30 PM PST by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
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To: Gabz
Yes but those single self reliant women are also smart enough to steer clear of the attitudes being expressed by some of those same single guys.

So you support the notion that it's OK to absolutely destroy a man's life in divorce court?

So if a guy has a problem with the current divorce laws, he has a bad attitude?

Typical typical typical

302 posted on 12/11/2003 3:12:46 PM PST by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
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To: IDontLikeToPayTaxes
I used to listen to Tom Lykis when I was in Seattle.

The People's Republic of Washington viewed child support in this manner. If you dated a woman with kids, and agreed to have her move in with you (ie you did not physically prevent her), you legally have accepted responsibility for raising her kids.

Furthermore, in cases where the mother moved out after 1 month, the fact that she is already receiving child support from the biological father in no way means that the child should be deprived of the lifestyle the 'temporary daddy' could have provided. Thus, there are women in Seattle who are getting 4+ seperate child support payments for each of their kids, until the kids reach age 18. Here's the kicker.... every guy that she suckers into letting her brood shack up with, gets to donate child support with no limit in sight.

Now lets do some math. 2 kids x $400/month x 4 boyfriends = $3,200/month + gov't benefits. For doing absolutely NOTHING. Nice, huh? On what planet is this considered fair?
303 posted on 12/11/2003 3:14:38 PM PST by Hodar (With Rights, comes Responsibilities. Don't assume one, without assuming the other.)
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To: Jim Cane
If your attitude is to treat women like they are the flavor of the day, you shouldn't have any high expectations from women. Do unto others man....If you become the kind of person you are attracted to, you will automatically attract the same. A jerk deserves a jerk...have at it.
304 posted on 12/11/2003 3:16:43 PM PST by sonserae
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To: Hodar
I used to listen to Tom Lykis when I was in Seattle.

I'm listening to him right now :) I don't agree with everything he says, but he's a genius when it comes to this divorce/marriage stuff.

When I read your posts, I kinda figured you were a Leykis 101 student.

305 posted on 12/11/2003 3:17:17 PM PST by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
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To: Hodar
On the surface, this makes sense. But the reality is that the multi-billion dollar child support industry would be opposed to any such measures. It's in their best interests that non-custodial parents, usually men, pay and pay a lot.

There are federal dollars involved that are kicked-back to the states for child support money collected. No state will ever pass such a law: it ain't about the children, it's about the revenue.

306 posted on 12/11/2003 3:17:31 PM PST by FreedomAvatar
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To: NYC GOP Chick
former

There are too many pheromones wafting around this thread anyway. I'm going to go stare at a Karl Rove loves Hillary, or baseball thread.

307 posted on 12/11/2003 3:19:36 PM PST by Jim Cane
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To: Brad Cloven
Clinton is about lying, possible rape, sexual imposition, lying under oath, renting out the white house like a motel six, campaign fraud, indonesian and chinese campaign cash, adultery, possible cocaine use (so roger clinton says), smoking but not inhaling, selling military secrets, selling pardons, etc.

Remaining single and chasing skirts, has nothing to do with being clintonesque.
308 posted on 12/11/2003 3:24:50 PM PST by staytrue
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To: sonserae
If your attitude is to treat women like they are the flavor of the day, you shouldn't have any high expectations from women. Do unto others man....If you become the kind of person you are attracted to, you will automatically attract the same.

It's a learned behaviour. It didn't happen in a vacuum. Attitude returned in kind.

A jerk deserves a jerk...have at it.

*jerk jerk jerk jerk* - hmmmm, just not as satisfying somehow. I'll stick with women. Y'know...the sexiest thing about a woman is her eyes, and a good kiss beats a big rack. But, to know which is which, you must sample, sample, sample.

309 posted on 12/11/2003 3:26:08 PM PST by Jim Cane
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To: Hodar
The People's Republic of Washington viewed child support in this manner. If you dated a woman with kids, and agreed to have her move in with you (ie you did not physically prevent her), you legally have accepted responsibility for raising her kids.

Furthermore, in cases where the mother moved out after 1 month, the fact that she is already receiving child support from the biological father in no way means that the child should be deprived of the lifestyle the 'temporary daddy' could have provided. Thus, there are women in Seattle who are getting 4+ seperate child support payments for each of their kids, until the kids reach age 18. Here's the kicker.... every guy that she suckers into letting her brood shack up with, gets to donate child support with no limit in sight.

Now lets do some math. 2 kids x $400/month x 4 boyfriends = $3,200/month + gov't benefits. For doing absolutely NOTHING. Nice, huh? On what planet is this considered fair?

I would imagine that most of the conservative princesses on this forum would consider that fair. And if men don't like it, they are "jerks" or "whiners."

The females will just say "Well, I'm not like that." Well guess what, nobody is like that until the become like that ! I'm sure all the single mothers collecting a windfall of child support every month say "Oh, but I'm not like that."

Every woman that has ever destroyed her husband for the rest of his life at one time said "Oh, but I'm not like that."

Like I said in my first post, you can throw out examples of gross unfairness and stores of detroyed lives at some women all day, and you'll just be called a "jerk" or a "whiner." Or they'll talk about how their marriage is filled with wonderfulness.

But the actual issue is never addressed. Reminds me of the way the Dems twisted logic and the English itself when they defended Clinton in '98.

310 posted on 12/11/2003 3:28:09 PM PST by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
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To: staytrue
Remaining single and chasing skirts, has nothing to do with being clintonesque.

Hear, hear! Nobody who single and is upfront about their quest for nooky du jour need apologize.

311 posted on 12/11/2003 3:28:34 PM PST by Jim Cane
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To: IDontLikeToPayTaxes
I don't agree with everything he says, but he's a genius when it comes to this divorce/marriage stuff.

Yeah, I'm definitely into Leykis 101. And like you, I don't agree with all of what he says; but I do concede that he has several very valid points to his arguements.

But most of all, I respect him because he has the balls to speak the truth, and go head to head against those who want to shout him down. I'm a big believer in the old addage "Don't p*ss on my leg and tell me it's raining". Just wish I could listen to him down here in Austin. I think the local liberals would run all the way to Mexico with their heads on fire. Liberals just can't stand to have an opposing viewpoint.

312 posted on 12/11/2003 3:29:12 PM PST by Hodar (With Rights, comes Responsibilities. Don't assume one, without assuming the other.)
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To: Gabz
Once, a bitter, angry, negative colleague asked me why he couldn't find a nice girl. I responded with, "Nice girls don't want a bitter, angry, negative person"...Like I said, we attract what we project. If we work on our own attitude and become the person we would like, we will automatically attract the best person for us. If you are angry and bitter, the only people you will end up with are angry, bitter people.
313 posted on 12/11/2003 3:29:13 PM PST by sonserae
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To: Texan5; Hodar; NYC GOP Chick
I'd have the jagoff arrested.............but that's another issue for another thread.

But you are perfectly correct in that women do not have the corner of the market of idiotic behavior.

The stories I could tell about the behavior of my ex are nearly as hair-raising as yours.

314 posted on 12/11/2003 3:31:03 PM PST by Gabz (Smoke gnatzies - small minds buzzing in your business - swat'em!!!)
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To: Hodar
The People's Republic of Washington viewed child support in this manner. If you dated a woman with kids, and agreed to have her move in with you (ie you did not physically prevent her), you legally have accepted responsibility for raising her kids.

Furthermore, in cases where the mother moved out after 1 month, the fact that she is already receiving child support from the biological father in no way means that the child should be deprived of the lifestyle the 'temporary daddy' could have provided. Thus, there are women in Seattle who are getting 4+ seperate child support payments for each of their kids, until the kids reach age 18. Here's the kicker.... every guy that she suckers into letting her brood shack up with, gets to donate child support with no limit in sight.

Now lets do some math. 2 kids x $400/month x 4 boyfriends = $3,200/month + gov't benefits. For doing absolutely NOTHING. Nice, huh? On what planet is this considered fair?

Now that is just plain wrong.

315 posted on 12/11/2003 3:32:23 PM PST by CajunConservative
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To: Hodar
Listen to Leykis on the internet....

www.kotk.com

Doesn't work all the time because the server sucks. Leykis is on 6 - 10 PM Eastern

316 posted on 12/11/2003 3:33:09 PM PST by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
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To: Texan5
If you aren't near a major city and don't have commuters, then I'm sure the single women are few and far between.

I know it's shallow, but the only single women within a 20 mile radius look like this:

And I, hunk that I am, look like this:

I...I just can't settle.

317 posted on 12/11/2003 3:35:58 PM PST by Jim Cane
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To: Skywalk
That's what some of the people on this thread don't understand. The people who walk out, cheat or what have you don't always give you the benefit of "warning signs," especially women. I would say that men are the most transparent of individuals. If they are a jerk before you marry them, but you "overlook" those qualities, then you will likely be unhappily married to a jerk 10 years down the road.

Reminds me of a theory people in my circles called

"The Willardson Theory of "Why Hot Babes Date Jerks"

The Willardson collary holds that being a jerk is a genetic trait, skipping every other generation. Consider a jerk you know, chances are the parents of the jerk are normal, likewise the offspring. So, either consciously or unconsciously no hot babe wants their kids to be jerks; so the only way she can be certain to prevent this is to date only jerks

318 posted on 12/11/2003 3:36:53 PM PST by Hodar (With Rights, comes Responsibilities. Don't assume one, without assuming the other.)
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To: IDontLikeToPayTaxes
I would imagine that most of the conservative princesses on this forum would consider that fair. And if men don't like it, they are "jerks" or "whiners."

Excuse me, the only person responsible for raising children is the biological or adoptive parents. As a conservative, I don't expect anyone else to pay my( or if I had) kids way other than me and the father.

319 posted on 12/11/2003 3:40:38 PM PST by CajunConservative
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To: Texan5
But women don't have a premium on that kind of behavior-I think guys do it more.

Oh, there are psycho's out there all right. Statistically speaking, women are the overwhelming consumers of Zoloft; but that could simply mean that men are undiagnosed.

Regarding those god-awful tabloid pop quizes... my wife used to want to take those compatability quizes over and over. From the email, from the internet, from some chick magazine. I finally lost it with her ... I said "(explictive, a whole string of them, few if any repeated) it boils down to a simple question. Are you happy? Do you trust some (another list of new and somewhat unique profane explictives) idiot, whom you never met, will never meet, without any credentials of merit to determine if you are happy?" For the most part, we are a pretty happy couple. Like pretty much every couple on the planet, we have our moments. Now my wife knows not to bring up those god-awful quizes.

From my point of view, why play a game, if you cannot win, and only stand to lose? The quiz will always (I mean 100% of the time) create tensions in the relationship; I have never heard of a relationship benefitting from one of these pieces of tripe. Yet, women for god only knows what reason, not only flock to take the quiz, they then proceed to sabotage their relationships in order to meet some unknown author's fantasy of how someone else's life should be.

Can you think of one straight man who would do something similar? Now we may find inspriation in Playboy ... but take a quiz? Forgetaboutit!!

320 posted on 12/11/2003 3:48:33 PM PST by Hodar (With Rights, comes Responsibilities. Don't assume one, without assuming the other.)
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