Posted on 03/20/2018 10:49:23 AM PDT by fishtank
12 Surefire Methods For Standing Out From The Crowd During Church
March 19, 2018
You know what’s the literal worst? Going through all the trouble to put on your best clothes from Hollister, drive all the way to church, and worship the Lord Most High—only to realize later that not a single person even noticed you the whole time you were singing God’s praises and having the Word of God preached to you. Everyone’s eyes were on the worship band or on the pastor.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Yes, it was. Thank you for the reminder.
7.) “Amen” after literally every sentence the pastor says. “It’s great to be here this morning!” “Amen!” “Please turn with me to the book of Acts.” “Amen!” “And now, for our final sermon point.” “Amen!”
I've literally seen this happen time and again. The rest, not so much!
If you don’t recognize the authority of Scripture, I seriously doubt you are a Christian.
Oh, forget the air horn.
Too easy to hide in the crowd and not be seen.
For maximum effect, bring your 6 foot long shofar and stand at the front during worship and blow it every minute during the worship music, especially if it's during the *free worship*.
And, hey, don't forget your flags so you can flag during the worship and nearly poke someone's eye out cause you weren't looking at what you were doing. Especially since you will be doing it with your eyes closed as you walk back and forth across the front to look even more spiritual.
And then if you are at least fifty pounds overweight, come to church dressed in a tank top and shorts and *dance* across the front of the church.
(I wish I were kidding. On all of them. Some things can't be unseen.)
Wear your Sunday best including a hat for women.
Men don’t wear hats in a Catholic Church.
And THIS is why whenever someone says ‘contemporary worship,’ I suffer a minor case of PTSD. I haven’t seen things QUITE as bad as all that using those words as an excuse, but it was bad enough!
” judge not lest ye be judged” Scripture?
Preacher are not oxen!! aren’t you a literalist?
God does’nt need gifts. He own everything. If God is sovereign , what does he need missionaries for? Give me a clue.
The “church” is a benevolent “good works” club. they have nothing to do with Heaven . Right?
That is just what I said. “assembly “ in Greek is absolutely “Sanhedrin” . It is not Ekklesia! Did you know that Sunday is not the sabbath? You know that don’t you from your education? Saturday is the Sabbath. Sunday is the day you do nothing —”rest” as God rested. The Essenes literally would not defecate on the sabbath. You know that. You, sir, are a professional Christian living off of a total canard.
Preacher are not oxen!! aren’t you a literalist?
***
Snrk.
Pretty obvious you didn’t even read the passage in question.
You’re making yourself look like more and more of a loudmouthed fool.
Especially after you’ve loudly proclaimed on this thread that you reject the authority of the Word of God.
What are you, some kind of Bart Ehrman acolyte?
Yes, haven’t you?
Because by your frequent condemnation of anything Christian, it’s obvious that you need to learn that lesson.
Documentation of your claim is required.
“I have studied it for years and tested is from every angle. “church” was first used as an intentional mistranslation in the King James.”
Not sure how it differs so greatly from “congregation”, used by Tyndale 100 years earlier. And of course, there obviously was no church prior to the KJV translation....HUH?
“A common lie by the professional Christian is that Ekklesia” meant “gathering” or “assembly”.”
You mean, like where Ekklesia is translated assembly, as in Acts 19:39, “38 So if Demetrius and the craftsmen who are with him have a case against anyone, the courts are in session, and there are proconsuls. Let them bring charges against one another. 39 But if you want something else, it must be decided in a legal assembly.”
“2. in the Sept...the assembly of the Israelites, Judges 21:8; 1 Chronicles 29:1, etc., especially when gathered for sacred purposes, Deuteronomy 31:30 (Deuteronomy 32:1); Joshua 8:35 (Joshua 9:8), etc.
https://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G1577&t=KJV
That is false witness. I condemn “non Christian” money scamming. I stand with Christ the savior of those who believe in Him as the Son of the living God ( Jesus was not the son of Joseph who’s linage to David is stated in error in Mathew 1 and Luke 3:23. One of them is and error at least and Joseph was not the father of Christ and had absolutely no genetic tie to Our Savior.)
Ekklesia is not “assembly”. Assembly is “Sanhedrin” . Ekklesia means “the called out” That is “believers” you cannot refute that. It is fact not subject to opinion.
Documents are voluminous available at any library. I don’t do research for the ignorant.
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