Posted on 11/11/2014 9:44:11 AM PST by fkabuckeyesrule
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
1.Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
2.Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
3.Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.>P>
4.No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
5.Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
6.Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
7.Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
8.Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
9.Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
10.Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
You are absolutely right. The biggest reason visitors do not stay has nothing whatsoever to do with anything cited on the list. The premise of the question is wrong on its face; asking non Christians or nominal Christians "what the church did to 'drive' them away" is akin to asking spiritually DEAD, spiritually BLIND people what THEY WANT in a church/church service and giving it to them!
Rick Warren's "Seeker Sensative" model is both unbiblical and the bane of Christianity.
The number one reason people who visit biblical, evangelical churches don't come back isn't even on the list and it is this: The offense of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. They hear the Gospel and reject it; they refuse to hear or submit themselves to the Gospel message. What message?:
The message that they are sinners, in need of a savior because they are utterly lost, spiritually dead and on their way to hell and a Christ-less eternity of unimaginable torment in The Lake of Fire.
The message that says no man can save himself on the basis of his own supposed "righteousness", merit, goodness or any "good works" which he has done.
The message that God almighty, out of love for them, sent His "only begotten" ("one of a kind"), sinless Son; the Lord Jesus Christ into the world in order to live a totally holy, sinless life, be crucified upon a cruel cross in order to bear the full wrath of God and punishment for all of their sin. That he died, was buried and that He literally and bodily arose again from the dead and ascended into heaven.
The message that all they have to do is humble themselves before Almighty God, admit they are sinners totally incapable of saving themselves, believe upon the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal savior and accept Him and all that he has done on their behalf at Calvary by calling upon his name for salvation. IF any man will believe upon the Lord Jesus Christ he shall be saved.
But therein lies the problem and the reason why many who come to church are "driven away": They are "uncomfortable" and leave because they are proud; they "stumble" over Christ the "stumbling stone" and "Rock of offense. They reject the notion that they are "sinners", "in need a savior"; they are "offended" by the fact that in order to be saved they must humble themselves before God, admit their need, that they are lost and rely upon Christ and Christ alone for their salvation.
This is the #1 reason! Men would rather rely upon themselves and their own "righteousness" and go to Hell rather than bend the knee to Christ be saved by faith in Him and go to heaven. It is as simple as that and I don't need a marketing survey to come up with the answer because the answer to the question raised is clearly presented in the Word of God. Sadly, most "Christians" would rather look to marketing studies and answers given by the spiritually dead than to the Word of God for the answer and solution to their problems.
11) Poorly tuned guitars and users of said guitars who do not notice the guitars are out of tune and/or who lack the ability to play the most basic of songs. Your faith and efforts are admirable but some minimal level of preparation and competence is necessary.
Thank you for posting this. It’s enlightening and humorous, too.
As an introvert, I *want* to be a silent observer in the back my first few times. Don’t bother me, please.
But once I started ushering, I often stationed myself back in the back. If I saw someone alone and seemingly troubled, I would see if they were still there when the service was over and introduced myself and simply said. “Thank you for coming. I noticed you are here alone. Is there possibly anything I could pray for?”
If they say “no” and act like they want to be left alone, I thank them again and walk away. But some open up and you hear stories of heartbreak. People who are dealing with a personal crisis and are looking for answers and don’t come to church but don’t know where else to turn. Some are newly divorced or just lost a loved one or lost their job and it meant something to know someone would pray for them and it was a comfort to be told that God understands and He cares. Some just need to hear that. For others, I try to connect them with a ministry for people with specific issues.
Such encounters mean much more to me than a “meet and greet” that forces you to shake hands and possibly spread germs.
Stand and greet may be a formal part of the Mass, but it’s not a mandatory part of the Mass. There was no such thing prior to the Vatican counsel that dramatically changed the Church in the late 60s (and not for the better, I’d say).
I know people who’ve left because of it (and related things like language changes, etc.) and those who still attend but who just hate that part of the Mass. Maybe they should publish “Stand and Greet” Mass at 10:30am; “No Stand and Greet” Mass at 11, like they differentiate the English/Spanish Masses.
If it takes gimmicks and incentives to get people in the door to stay, then that is what it will take to KEEP them in the door. That will be their “savior.”
Bingo. Thanks for interjecting that sanity into this thread.
I’d have snatched that hat off his head so fast after he said it and thrown it outside. I then would calmly told him hats are for outside, which is where his hat now is, if He’d like to retrieve it.
CC
I use to travel quite a bit, and I would go to different churches. The meet and greet nonsense used to rankle me, the unfriendliness of some few churches was amazing, and what really made me laugh was the request for visitors to stand and be recognized. I would never stand up.
I thought about it, and may have had I thought I would’ve gotten any support from the ‘father’ with him; unfortunately that man just sat there meekly, looking embarrassed, and probably afraid of the kid.
On the topic of multiple collections....I have often wondered that if I took a $20 bill, tore it in half, and put half in each collection, would they get the message?
Removing a hat from some kid’s head could bring an assault charge against you. I know someone who almost got charged by the cops for taking off a teenager’s hat in a movie theater but not otherwise touching him.
I could not disagree more. Keeping the place clean is not a “gimmick”. Greeting people and making them feel welcome is not a “gimmick”. Its common sense. And some churches need to hear it.
The first time I went to my church, I didn’t realize they never took up a collection until after the service was over. As I was leaving, I noticed a jar by the door with a hand written sign, “Offering” taped on it. No one mentioned it, and no one seemed to be watching it. Very humble and inspiring.
LOL
I was invited to a meeting. While the service was going on, someone jacked up the pastor’s car and stole the tires/rims.
Didn’t go back.
At another place, saw a leg come thru the ceiling - no, not the Second Coming, it was a burglar trying to get to a storage area on the second floor. While the building was full of members.
We moved out of that town shortly after.....
Our former pastor always shook hands as people left and then immediately went to “wash off the fellowship” after everyone was gone. LOL I like meet and greet but mostly when I get to visit with friends that I can catch up on. Then it’s hard to stop talking but when I am a stranger or talking to strangers it is awkward especially if one of us are not really new to the church!
Sadly I agree about the rock band. One of my children started going to one of those churches. The preacher does a great job. I am lost on the songs and don’t feel like I am worshiping. I hope my grandson will learn the great hymns of the faith somehow. I trust God through that.
We have attended the same church for many years. Started out small, now 25 years later, I guess you could call it a mega church. They’ve never taken an offering...there are boxes at the rear of the church to put your offering in. Doesn’t seem to have diminished the giving. Saves time too, passing the plate in a large church, no matter how many ushers, can take a bit of time.
As to meet and greet, after the worship/song service, they say have a greeting, and then have your seat. I know people who will not shake hands, due to fragile health etc. It is an awkward time for them, as it is for people who don’t know others.
When I was in college, I attended a church where they welcomed guests by having all the members/regular attenders stand, and the visitors stay seated. Maybe that was more effective than having a visitor stand (as churches I grew up in did)...but still you’re singling out folks.
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