Report: Jesus Spoke With Spectacular British Accent

Eye of the Tiber ^ | 11/17/2013

[markomalley]

Lansing, MI––A recently discovered DVD found in the attic of the Williams family last night has shed light on the language and accent used by the Son of God while on earth, the Lansing family is reporting this morning.

After close to 2,000 years, the mystery of Jesus’ dialect and accent was answered after the Williams family’s stunning find while watching a DVD of the 1977 television miniseries of Jesus of Nazareth produced by the BBC.

The 2-DVD set, which many in the Williams family believed was “lost forever” showed Jesus of Nazareth speaking in English, a shocking revelation to many who long believed he spoke Aramaic.

“We simply couldn’t believe our ears,” Jan Williams, 54, reported to EOTT this morning.

“I remember, Jesus finally appears in the movie, ready to be baptized by John the Baptist, and John says something like, ‘It is I who needs to be baptized by you, and yet, you come to me.’ Then Jesus says, ‘Let it be so…we must fulfill all righteousness’ in the most spectacular British accent.”

19-year-old Wendy Williams reported that his british accent was not only ”stirring,” but that it also contained the dramatic inflection and timing of a “wonderful” stage actor.

“It was as though you were listening to the renowned British actor Robert Powell.”

At press time, biblical scholars from around the globe are investigating reports that Jesus yelled a lot, and that he did not bleed as much as portrayed in The Passion of the Christ.

[Rightwing Conspiratr1]

Which also brings up the question: People from England came to America but we don’t speak with an English accent but yet those that went to Australia do in a way along with some of their slang and idioms.

Perhaps it has something to do with the majority of Americans being Germans who learned English?

[ConservativeInPA]

LOL. I wonder how many people were smoking to much listening to the Dobbie Brothers.

[ResponseAbility]

I kinda doubt Jesus would whistle his S’s.

[HiTech RedNeck]

I think Jesus was a redneck carpenter.

[Bullish]

I AM SPARTICUS!

[goodwithagun]

You are half right. Jesus spoke like Sean Connery, but the Saturday Night Live version of him.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Nor did he speak like Vin Diesel or Sean Penn. I know that we all understand what he is saying no matter what language he spoke when he walked the Earth.

[Joe 6-pack]

Correction to my #20: The episode was titled, Hollywood A.D.

[Conspiracy Guy]

He does not used excess reverb or a teleprompter either.

[Conspiracy Guy]

I’ll take Swords for 100 Alex.

[goodwithagun]

Nor really bad analogies.

[ConorMacNessa]

A base canard! Everyone knows that Jesus was a Celt and Judas was British!



"Dia shábháil ar fad anseo!"

Genuflectimus non ad principem sed ad Principem Pacis!

Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 KJV)

[EEGator]

“The sound a dog makes.”
“Moo”
“Incorrect. We would have accepted bow-wow or ruff.”
“Ah ruff, just the way your mother likes it Trebek.”

[Conspiracy Guy]

He does not “USE” excess reverb or a teleprompter either.

I have to learn to proof read again.

[Calvin Locke]

I don't think He was revealed as such during His student days in Britain...

You may be confusing that story with the Mormon belief of Christ appearing in the Americas.

[gop4lyf]

“There was a semi-tongue in cheek episode of the X-Files titled “The Lazarus Bowl,” that was built on (what I thought was) a pretty cool premise: as Christ spoke the words resurrecting Lazarus, a potter nearby was forming a bowl and the words were recorded a la a phonograph...”

I am a fan of the X-Files and didn’t remember the episode. Since the premise sounds interesting I looked it up on Netflix, but there isn’t an episode with that title. All of the episodes are available so perhaps that isn’t the title? Would really like to know!

[moose07]

In that era, what was the difference?

[ConorMacNessa]

I mis-spoke. I meant to say that Judas was English.



"Dia shábháil ar fad anseo!"

Genuflectimus non ad principem sed ad Principem Pacis!

Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name. (Isaiah 49:1 KJV)

[gop4lyf]

Found it... http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archaeoacoustics

“A 2000 episode of The X-Files, “Hollywood A.D.”, features “The Lazarus Bowl”, a mythical piece of pottery reputed to have recorded on it the words that Jesus Christ spoke when he raised Lazarus from the dead.”

Have it queued up now.

[Joe 6-pack]

See my #28. The correct title is “Hollywood AD”.