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"Gay, Catholic, and Doing Fine" (Yes, it's hard to be gay and Catholic)
LittleCatholicBubble ^
| July 12, 2011
Posted on 07/19/2011 5:26:40 AM PDT by NYer
Steve Gershom (a pseudonym) is a gay Catholic man in his late twenties. His blog, stevegershom.com, has been around for some months, but he has just decided to make it public. It's original, funny, poignant -- and culturally important. You can also find him on Twitter as stevegershom. I am profoundly grateful to Steve for agreeing to write this post for the Bubble.
+++++++
When Leila asked me to write about gay marriage, the first thing I found out was how little I know about it. If I wanted to say anything coherent, I'd have to have definite beliefs about some deeper, thornier subjects first: the relationship between civil and moral law, just for starters. Even if I were sure enough of myself to talk about those things, I doubt I could do it in a blog-sized article.
So I'll have to do it in a more personal way. That might be better anyhow.
I have heard a lot about how mean the Church is, and how bigoted, because she opposes gay marriage. How badly she misunderstands gay people, and how hostile she is towards us. My gut reaction to such things is:
Are you freaking kidding me? Are we even talking about the same church?
When I go to Confession, I sometimes mention the fact that I'm gay, to give the priest some context. (And to spare him some confusion:
Did you say 'locker room'? What were you doing in the women's...oh.) I've always gotten one of two responses: either compassion, encouragement, and admiration, because the celibate life is difficult and profoundly counter-cultural; or nothing at all, not even a ripple, as if I had confessed eating too much on Thanksgiving.
Of the two responses, my ego prefers the first -- who doesn't like thinking of themselves as some kind of hero? -- but the second might make more sense. Being gay doesn't mean I'm special or extraordinary. It just means that my life is not always easy. (Surprise!) And as my friend J. said when I told him recently about my homosexuality, "I guess if it wasn't that, it would have been something else." Meaning that nobody lives without a burden of one kind or another. As Rabbi Abraham Heschel said: "The man who has not suffered, what can he possibly know, anyway?"
Where are all these bigoted Catholics I keep hearing about? When I told my family a year ago, not one of them responded with anything but love and understanding. Nobody acted like I had a disease. Nobody started treating me differently or looking at me funny. The same is true of every one of the Catholic friends that I've told. They love me for who I am.
Actually, the only time I get shock or disgust or disbelief, the only time I've noticed people treating me differently after I tell them, is when I tell someone who supports the gay lifestyle.
Celibacy?? You must be some kind of freak.
Hooray for tolerance of different viewpoints. I'm grateful to gay activists for some things -- making people people more aware of the prevalence of homosexuality, making homophobia less socially acceptable -- but they also make it more difficult for me to be understood, to be accepted for who I am and what I believe. If I want open-mindedness, acceptance, and understanding, I look to Catholics.
Is it hard to be gay and Catholic? Yes, because like everybody, I sometimes want things that are not good for me. The Church doesn't let me have those things, not because she's mean, but because she's a good mother. If my son or daughter wanted to eat sand I'd tell them: that's not what eating is for; it won't nourish you; it will hurt you. Maybe my daughter has some kind of condition that makes her like sand better than food, but I still wouldn't let her eat it. Actually, if she was young or stubborn enough, I might not be able to reason with her -- I might just have to make a rule against eating sand. Even if she thought I was mean.
So the Church doesn't oppose gay marriage because it's wrong; she opposes it because it's impossible, just as impossible as living on sand. The Church believes, and I believe, in a universe that
means something, and in a God who made the universe -- made men and women, designed sex and marriage from the ground up. In that universe, gay marriage doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit with the rest of the picture, and we're not about to throw out the rest of the picture.
If you don't believe in these things, if you believe that men and women and sex and marriage are pretty much whatever we say they are, then okay: we don't have much left to talk about. That's not the world I live in.
So, yes, it's hard to be gay and Catholic -- it's hard to be
anything and Catholic -- because I don't always get to do what I want. Show me a religion where you always get to do what you want and I'll show you a pretty shabby, lazy religion. Something not worth living or dying for, or even getting up in the morning for. That might be the kind of world John Lennon wanted, but John Lennon was kind of an idiot.
Would I trade in my Catholicism for a worldview where I get to marry a man? Would I trade in the Eucharist and the Mass and the rest of it? Being a Catholic means believing in a God who literally waits in the chapel for me, hoping I'll stop by just for ten minutes so he can pour out love and healing on my heart. Which is worth more -- all this, or getting to have sex with who I want? I wish everybody, straight or gay, had as beautiful a life as I have.
I know this isn't a satisfactory answer. I don't think any words could be. I try to make my life a satisfactory answer, to this question and to others: What are people for? What is love, and what does it look like? How do we get past our own selfishness so we can love God and our neighbors and ourselves?
It's a work in progress.
TOPICS: Apologetics; Catholic; Moral Issues; Religion & Politics
KEYWORDS: catholic; celibacy; chastity; courage; gay; homosexual; homosexualagenda; johnlennon; marriage; romancatholic
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To: Le Chien Rouge
Steve Gershom is just yet another infiltrator into the Roman Catholic church to recruit young teen men from us breeders.Where in any of his statements did you get THAT notion? There are some people with homosexual inclinations who do not ACT on them. Sounds like this young man has given it much thought, and more importantly, PRAYER, and has come to the conclusion that acting on his inclinations just isn't worth the cost of his immortal soul.
21
posted on
07/19/2011 9:44:50 AM PDT
by
SuziQ
To: ThePatriotsFlag
I don’t know. I’m Catholic and I’m pretty happy. Now if you’re talking about homosexual Catholics, that’s another story.
22
posted on
07/19/2011 9:52:21 AM PDT
by
murron
(Proud Mom of a Marine Vet)
To: rollo tomasi
Bingo.
He has my prayers regardless. Keep fighting the fight like the rest of us.
23
posted on
07/19/2011 11:11:20 AM PDT
by
AliVeritas
(Pray. For all the latest, check out: http://directorblue.blogspot.com/)
To: dools0007world
Do you really believe a person cannot be a Catholic and gay? That's right, that is what MY Catholic church taught me. It's what I believe ... what did your Catholic Church teach you, that it was OK to be gay? Your Parrish has a religious screw loose if that's the case!
Do you believe in that totally ridiculous idea that people choose to be homosexual? That is to say they are not born homosexual.
Yes I do ... if you say they are "born" homosexual so society must give them a pass, then fine, what about pedophiles ... aren't they "born" that way then too? So we give both gays and pedophiles a pass because they were just "born" that way. Hey, it's just a sexual abnormality they were born with, not their fault. If you believe that, pal, you are headed for some real problems. I'm getting sicker and sicker of this "hey do anything (or anybody) you want" .. life is great, there are no religious downsides anymore, that's "old hat" ... we'll see in the end won't we?
To: NYer
25
posted on
07/19/2011 2:19:29 PM PDT
by
onedoug
(If)
To: onedoug
That is what I expected to read. Recently, however, many American Jews have come out in support for homosexual marriage. FWIU, there are differing views on this. In fact, gays are protected in Israel
LGBT rights in Israel Is there an official Jewish position?
26
posted on
07/19/2011 5:04:23 PM PDT
by
NYer
("Be kind to every person you meet. For every person is fighting a great battle." St. Ephraim)
To: ThePatriotsFlag
Whoa Patriots. Let’s take a step back and refocus.
I always ask people like you: Who would choose to be gay if they were not?
Being born homosexual is no different than being born with a congenital disease or missing an arm. Something went terribly wrong in the womb.
The Catholic Church does not condemn homosexuality. How could it? The person was born that way. The Catholic Church does condemn homosexual acts. That is why it is possible to be both Catholic and homosexual.
I never said homosexual behavior should be given a pass. However, as long as the behavior is kept in the bedroom I don’t see it as any of my business. God is the judge, not me.
I do take great exception to the Gay Pride Day twits that make public asses of themselves and try to tear down the sacrament of matrimony. Despite the media’s fascination and coverage of their antics, this crowd is really a small percent of the homsexual population, And, of course, crimes committed by gay people should be prosecuted—just like crimes committed by hetero folks.
Can you at least agree that gays are God’s children, too?
If none of this makes any sense to you, then I wish you well in your role as God.
To: NYer
I know what my position is from Torah. And the Orthodox I´ve been in shul with are in accord. Essentially hate the sin, love the sinner. Just don´t bring it to synagogue.
28
posted on
07/19/2011 7:08:48 PM PDT
by
onedoug
(If)
To: NYer
Thanks for the article.
He is living the life all Catholics who are not married are called to live. Celibacy.
He also recognizes that he can never have a sexual relationship.
Single women and single men live that out every day.
To: NYer; AFA-Michigan; Abathar; Albion Wilde; AliVeritas; Antoninus; BabaOreally; Berlin_Freeper; ...
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The author has my admiration. He is apparently living a celibate life and doing so in obedience to God, and finding his happiness and his foundation in life, his relationship with God, despite the temptations of sinful desires. I would hope that he would eventually not identify as "gay" but maybe his words will help others who currently identify thusly. Interesting discussion on thread, to...
30
posted on
07/19/2011 9:57:11 PM PDT
by
little jeremiah
(Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. CSLewis)
To: dools0007world
Do you believe a person can be homosexual, but not act on it?Of course. Everyone has desires they don't act on. To exhibit self-restraint and choose which desires to give in to and which to restrain, is human life. Only animals have no sense of self-restraint. And no one is born homosexual, I'll post a link with tons of information in a minute. The short explanation is that there are countless former homoseuxals. There is no biological or genetic cause, and believe me, homosexual researchers have looked for one, and can't find it.
31
posted on
07/19/2011 10:00:31 PM PDT
by
little jeremiah
(Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. CSLewis)
To: dools0007world
Check this thread out, a great source of information, many links to follow:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2730140/posts
Not born this way: The facts, plus help available
Save California ^ | Various authors
Posted on Sunday, June 05, 2011 7:48:09 AM by scripter
Without any reputable evidence, the entertainment culture, uneducated media, and sexual activists have seduced today’s teenagers, in particular, to believe that people are born homosexual.
However, science has found no biological basis for homosexuality, bisexuality, or transsexuality.
Study after study has found the LGBT lifestyle to be unhealthy, with the highest rate of sexually-transmitted diseases, and higher cancer rates and earlier deaths.
While all people are worthy and valuable, the fact is people are not “born this way,” as a popular song insists.
On this page you will find:
1. The facts on homosexuality
2. Resources to overcome homosexual behavior and gender identity disorder
3. An important video message titled “Does God Love Gay People?”
4. Some personal stories from people who used to live a homosexual lifestyle
32
posted on
07/19/2011 10:14:51 PM PDT
by
little jeremiah
(Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. CSLewis)
To: murron
I dont know. Im Catholic and Im pretty happy. Now if youre talking about homosexual Catholics, thats another story. It's the "other another story" I was referring to.
To: dools0007world
Celebrate you gayness ... just keep it away from me and my kids!
To: NYer
. . .making homophobia less socially acceptable. . .Meaning "making it less socially acceptable to speak clearly what God says in His word about homosexuality".
35
posted on
07/20/2011 6:55:58 AM PDT
by
MEGoody
(Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.)
To: dools0007world
Who would choose to be gay if they were not?Who would choose to be a drug addict if they were not? And yet, people who are not drug addicts do choose to become drug addicts through a series of choices.
This guy is choosing to resist his temptations, and that's good. But the only way he was "born that way" is the same way a drug addict is "born that way".
We are all born with a fallen nature. We shouldn't be going about trumpeting what our particular temptation is and how great we are for resisting it.
36
posted on
07/20/2011 7:01:17 AM PDT
by
MEGoody
(Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.)
To: little jeremiah
Thanks for the ping, LJ! I was expecting something completely different. What a nice surprise. A beautiful testament to the power of Faith! This man’s life is proof people can live clean lives with God’s help. A powerful personal testament and reminder to us all. God Bless him! : )
To: TAdams8591
I was expecting something quite different too. He’s courageous for telling his story because aggressive homosexuals and their assistants on the left hate those who have same sex attraction and fight it or worse yet, heal it!
We all have a fallen nature and he’s a good example for everyone, no matter what temptations they struggle with.
38
posted on
07/20/2011 10:38:12 PM PDT
by
little jeremiah
(Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. CSLewis)
To: Hulka
You are so correct... love the sinner... hate the sin.
39
posted on
07/20/2011 10:47:08 PM PDT
by
antceecee
(Bless us Father.. have mercy on us and protect us from evil.)
To: little jeremiah
I couldn’t agree more and am glad you saw it as positively as I did. Yes, many homosexuals would see him as a threat and an enemy. He was most courageous to take such a public stand...and his faith is a good example for us all. Sin is no substitute for the sacraments and his close relationship with God, a good thing for us all to remember when we’re tempted.
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