Posted on 05/06/2011 2:36:31 PM PDT by NYer
After being raised Catholic, Richard Evans left the Catholic Church from ages 15-49, becoming an Evangelical minister and eventually a gay activist. This is the story of his departure and return to the fullness of the Catholic faith.
After Coming Out, I Came Home
I CANNOT RECALL A TIME WHEN I WAS NOT AWARE OF GOD IN MY LIFE. While other little boys were planning to be firemen or police, I often said, even at age seven or eight, "I want to be pope!" I jumped at the chance to become an altar boy, having already had much practice as the family "priest" when we played Mass—complete, at times, with flattened "hosts" made of white bread and cut out with bottle caps. The idea of actually serving next to the priest at the real Mass was incredible to me, and I did so with joy for the next four years.
When I was 11, my mother, who had assisted in the Catholic conversion of my father when they were married, had a crisis of faith. It was the late 1960's, and both the nation and some in the Church had become radical in many ways. The Church began to share more publicly some of the mistakes made in years past, and my mother's faith in the one institution she trusted most was shaken deeply. She began visiting a number of local churches and eventually settled in at the local Assembly of God. I remember telling her that I was afraid for her soul—a bit bold for a 6th grader—but eventually found myself visiting services with her occasionally.
It did not escape my notice that these very kind people read and used their Bible at every service and seemed to know it well. Even those in the youth group tried seriously to live their faith on a daily basis. I was impressed. I found myself attending regularly, and the calling I had once sensed to possible priesthood became directed towards evangelical ministry.
Around this time (I was 14 by then), I had my own faith crisis and began questioning all I had ever been taught, both Catholic and Protestant. One day I just went to a quiet corner of the house and told God that I didn't really care if I was Catholic, Protestant, or Buddhist, but just wanted to know who he was. A few weeks later, the pastor prayed with me to "accept Jesus," and I did so eagerly. While no thunderbolts exploded in the sky, deep within me I knew that Christ was real, and that I wished to serve him for the rest of my life.
A Lonely Secret
Having hit puberty and all of its accompanying hormones, I also realized I had some desires that most other boys my age didn't seem to share: While they talked excitedly about girls and football, I found myself having "crushes" on some of the other young men in our church and school. I had noticed these feelings years earlier; however being raised in a home where sex was never once discussed, I did not know what they were called or why I had them. Only at age 11, after reading an issue of Look magazine, did I put a name to my desires—was I a "homosexual?" I did not know but suspected I was, and also knew it was something I could tell no one—period. It is lonely to have such a secret at that young age. Later, after my experience at the Assembly of God church, I came to understand that this was, from a biblical standpoint, sinful behavior.
Growing up, I did not identify myself as "gay." I finished high school and attended an Assemblies of God Bible college. I remained a virgin until I married a very sincere and caring Christian woman. But the feelings were there, and even after 12 years of licensed ministry and marriage they remained a strong and disturbing temptation.
At age 34 I decided to revisit all of the Scripture passages on homosexuality and see if there was something I had not understood. It was not my desire to "go out and sin," but I sincerely wished to know if there was an possibility that I had missed. Studying each passage, I used every tool at my disposal, such as Greek and Hebrew lexicons and books written with both traditional and "pro-gay" theology. I concluded, after months of study, prayer, and even fasting, that the Bible was just not as clear on the topic as I had once believed. Because I could not seem to find unambiguous answers in the Bible alone and rejected Sacred Tradition at that time, I based my subsequent conclusions on science, current thinking in psychology, and the lived experiences of others. All of these seemed to point towards accepting and embracing my "gayness," and that is what I did. My marriage ended in 1991, and for the next 15 years, though still loving God in my own way, I lived what is commonly called the gay lifestyle.
Man with a Country
The long journey back to faith began when I started attending a local Methodist church that was both accepting and yet very evangelical. The congregants were certainly not "pro-gay" by any means but loving and charitable. I found myself digging once again into the Scriptures on a regular basis, and I became celibate, at first not by choice but eventually with enthusiasm. On the other hand, I still held on for dear life to my "pro-gay theology." Go figure.
In 2004, I saw a The Passion of the Christ, and a hunger for the Jesus of my childhood was stirred within me in ways I cannot even yet describe. I was daily listening to Protestant talk radio, which questioned the faith of people such as Jim Caviezel simply because they were Catholic. This incensed me, as I had all my life known many Catholics who loved God with all their heart, and as a result I had never gotten caught up in an anti-Catholic attitude. Although I did not fully espouse the Church's theology, my memories of Catholicism were mostly fond ones, and I knew what I was hearing was simply not true or accurate.
Then, in 2005, while attending a "gay marriage" rally at the Minnesota State Capitol, I found myself walking away when the leader of a prominent GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender) lobbying group began to rail against those who believed in the Bible. It tore me up inside to have to choose between two groups I was part of, "Bible believing Christians" and those who lived with homosexual inclinations. But at that moment the line was drawn in the sand. Even in my activist years I knew that this radicalism was not tolerance, and I had always known, if it ever came to choosing between God and a lifestyle that was for this world only, I would follow him, no matter where he lead me. I left the rally feeling like a "man without a country," not fully on board with the Church or with the radicals I had been listening to. I only knew I loved Christ and I loved homosexually inclined people too, and that the two groups seemed very nearly to hate each other.
Searching for answers, I found a book called Beyond Gay by David Morrison. In his story I found some amazing parallels with my own, as he too was a gay activist who came back to Christ through a very caring Evangelical church, and who now believed in a concept I had never heard of: same-sex attraction. He suggested rather than concentrating on being "cured," our main goal should be holiness—which meant celibacy and lifelong chastity and not letting a set of feelings define who we were. Morrison had become Catholic during his search for wholeness and was now working extensively with a Catholic-based ministry named Courage. Surprised and hopeful at his sane approach to this topic, I was finally, once again, a man with a country.
Christianity from the Top
That same summer, another seemingly unrelated series of events began to propel me towards the Church, at last pushing me through the door.
During the 1950s, some Evangelical Protestant missionaries were in Ecuador, and 5 young men were killed by an obscure but very violent tribe they were trying to reach with the Gospel. The widow of Jim Elliott, one of the martyrs, later published his writings. This story had gripped me deeply as a teen. Now I found myself reading extensively about it once again, as the 50th anniversary of their deaths neared. Mrs. Elliott and the sister of another of the martyrs, Nate Saint, had later lived with the tribe who killed their husband and brother, and nearly the whole tribe was converted.
With a new hunger to serve Christ and do whatever he wished for my life, I learned that Elisabeth Elliot's brother, Dr. Thomas Howard, former chief editor of Christianity Today magazine, had too become a Catholic! Although at first disturbed by this conversion, I became curious why someone from such an amazing Evangelical family would jump ship. I decided to find out why.
By this point I had my fill of old-school Christian talk radio, especially the anti-Catholic sentiments often expressed, and on occasion, l found myself watching Catholic television instead. I was surprised to hear almost none of the bigotry I had been listening to and was amazed at the level of kindness and respect shown to everyone, friend or foe—while maintaining traditional Catholic stances. I particularly loved a certain nun and found myself hooked on Mother Angelica Live. I started watching the Mass, almost daily, and eventually discovered a program called The Journey Home. I learned of Dr. Scott Hahn and other Protestant ministers who had come into the Church during the 35 years I had been away. I also learned that there was now a new Catechism of the Catholic Church. Digging into Church teaching, Bible in one hand and Catechism in the other, it finally dawned on me that, unlike what I had been led to believe during my many years as a Protestant, the Catholic Church did indeed teach correct Christianity from the top, so to speak. I always believed that there were Catholic Christians, but I had assumed that this was in spite of Rome, not because of it. Now I realized I had been wrong about this my entire adult life.
The final thing that happened after this rapid-fire convergence of events was reading Scott and Kimberly Hahn's book Rome Sweet Home, in which they chronicle their own struggles and journey from Protestant to Catholic. I ended up devouring it nearly in one sitting. At the end knew I needed to return to the Church—and soon.
In the early morning just a day or two later, I walked to Mass at a nearby parish and for the first time in 35 years went to Reconciliation and the Eucharist. This was on October 4, 2005, which was the memorial of St. Francis of Assisi (who also had a checkered past) and also Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. And it was indeed a new beginning for me. Many questions remained, but at age 50 I was confirmed as "Stephen Francis" on April 15, 2006. Home at last!
Richard G. Evans lives in Minneapolis, MN, and works as a staffing coordinator for a large hospital system in the St. Paul area. He is single, and besides his love of the Catholic faith, he also enjoys collecting vintage records and phonographs, particularly jazz and blues.
-——Please remember the Jews in Jeremiah’s time found their greatest comfort through the priests in the Temple of God who told the people just what they wanted to hear.——END
Can you elaborate in more detail exactly what EWTN says for the itchy ears that want to hear it?
Nowadays, since the Dallas Charter, it is not only the guilty priests who are ostracized, but also the innocent priests who are careless enough or unfortunate enough to have any sort of accusations made against them.
Well first, how about we subtract from that number the Catholics who passed on, those who left your religion in search of God, those who are registered Catholic who never set foot in a Catholic church other than the day they were sprinkled, etc...
And who knows how many Catholics didn't vote because McCain AND Obama were both too conservative for them???
And let's not forget the 30 million Catholics who are in our country illegally who are counted in your numbers...
Could be 99% of registered, living, actual Catholics voted...
Oh, and by the way...Stop spreading the lie that I claimed Catholics elected Obama...It only makes you look petty and dishonest...
—The final thing that happened after this rapid-fire convergence of events was reading Scott and Kimberly Hahn’s book Rome Sweet Home, in which they chronicle their own struggles and journey from Protestant to Catholic. I ended up devouring it nearly in one sitting. At the end knew I needed to return to the Church—and soon.**
Every Catholic needs to read this book and be willing to buy a copy for any Protestant who asks about the Catholic Church. I am just finishing reading it for the first time!
You wrote:
“But it proves that the American wing of the Roman Catholic Church isn’t as conservative as FRoman Catholics portray.”
What? Are you kidding? Since when did FR Catholics portray the “American wing of the Roman Catholic Church” as conservative?
And it does prove something: poorly catechized and dissident Catholics vote just like most Protestants do in this country.
Gamecock: True.
Thank you for the honest response. For far too long the troubles of the 19th century and early 20th century immigrants and the antipathy by the GOP and conservatives in the US and Canada) of that time lead many to vote D. But now we see in Canada a completely swing by many who never voted conservative to vote for them as they are disgusted by the actions of the liberals. The same will happen here, thanks to O -- as we saw in the 2008 elections when you had Catholic governors like Christie, Jindal etc. elected.
It is time to tell everyone that the GOP is not a "white" or "black" or whatever party, but a conservative party. And most are getting it. How can the GOP be considered racist if we have two Indian-American governors? If one of the foremost conservative thinkers happens to be black (Mr. Thomas) and another is of South-East Asian extraction (Ms. Malkin)
Proof for any of your statements? Let's see how false your statement is:
Then The Department of Homeland Security reported that illegal immigrant population dropped to 10.8 million in 2009 compared to 11.6 million in 2008.
So, even the Department of Homland affairs says it is 11.6 million -- how do you get the number 30 million? Do you just juggle up numbers whenever needed? No need to answer that last one
even cia.gov says 23.9% of 313 million are Catholic as of 2011 -- i.e. 75 million.....
I've never listened to EWTN but if homosexuals find "comfort" in their broadcasts and "uncomfortable" with others that should tell us something, shouldn't it? Showing the "utmost respect" to homosexuals do not help them grow in the grace of God. When we shy away from discussing God's wrath and judgment on sin and corruption to solely focus on discussing God's love, we do God a disservice.
Contrary to what the Catholic Church would have one believe, homosexuality is nothing more than wonton sin which is excused or ignored. This is not what the scriptures teaches. Homosexuality is an abomination to God and is something that God can help people overcome if they come to Him and acknowledge their sinfulness.
For the Catholic Church to relegate it to nothing more than impulse to be surpress, the Catholic Church does not encourage people to seek God's help in solving this issue or do they call it for what it is-sin. They are false teachers leading people not to see God's perfection but encouraging them to excuse their own sin.
I hope that's a bit clearer.
You, yourself did on October 29, 2009, when you redefined the political terms "Liberal" and "Conservative", on a political message board, to mean "CINO" and "Faithful Catholic":
Post #6: I never forget the simple truth: all Protestants are Liberals.I responded by stating the polar opposite, to flesh our your claim:
Post #16: "Only Catholics are Conservatives".Which prompted to you reply to me and others with this expansion of your core argument:
Post #20: Liberalism is not a merely political issue. Read Liberalism is a Sin.You did make one statement that I wholeheartedly agree with, however:
Post #21: [in answer to a question re Baptists being more conservative than Catholics] Politically maybe. Religiously, if she is Protestant, then she can only be a Liberal....she is a Liberal no matter how conservative her political views. I never said anything about conservative political views.
Post #28: ...religious Liberalism is linked to political liberalism.So let me ask you this: When the Catholic Church, at all levels, promotes global warming, evolution, Democrat candidates, Obamacare, state funding of churches, illegal immigration and amnesty, and a United Nations "with teeth", while declaring that the American way of life and capitalism are heresies....
....how can FRoman Catholics come onto FR and, with a straight face, argue that Catholics are the only true conservatives, applaud when their paragons advocate taking away voting privileges from anyone not Catholic, and then say that anyone who disagrees with their social and political goals is "bashing" the Catholic Church and must be a "closet leftist" posing as a Christian?
You repeated the lie that " most of you guys [Catholics] voted for...... ". Like I said; lies, damned lies, and OPC propaganda.
You need to learn to read Alex.
You wrote:
“You, yourself did on October 29, 2009, when you redefined the political terms “Liberal” and “Conservative”, on a political message board, to mean “CINO” and “Faithful Catholic”:”
I did no such thing. I distinguished between liberal and Liberal. Do you even know the difference in a religion forum?
Then you make this stunningly erroneous series of claims:
“So let me ask you this: When the Catholic Church, at all levels, promotes global warming,”
It doesn’t - and especially not at all levels.
“evolution,”
It doesn’t - and especially not at all levels.
“Democrat candidates,”
It doesn’t - and especially not at all levels.
“Obamacare,”
It doesn’t - and especially not at all levels.
“state funding of churches,”
It doesn’t - and especially not at all levels.
“illegal immigration and amnesty,”
It doesn’t - and especially not at all levels.
“and a United Nations “with teeth”,”
It doesn’t - and especially not at all levels.
“while declaring that the American way of life and capitalism are heresies....”
It doesn’t - and especially not at all levels.
Nice try, Alex, but as usual you have failed. By the way, at my parish there has NEVER BEEN a sermon in favor of anything you mentioned in your fantasy laundry list.
And yes, all Protestants are by definition Liberals and many are liberals as well. And about your whine, “....how can FRoman Catholics come onto FR and, with a straight face, argue that Catholics are the only true conservatives, applaud when their paragons advocate taking away voting privileges from anyone not Catholic, and then say that anyone who disagrees with their social and political goals is “bashing” the Catholic Church and must be a “closet leftist” posing as a Christian?”
I don’t know, how many? How many Protestants here make phony, ridiculous, and silly accusations against Catholics, the Catholic Faith and Church? Quite a few. And aren’t some of them moderators as well? Does that hit close to home Alex?
As is always the case with the willfully ignorant who have no knowledge of the Church and feel compelled to create, in the vacuum of their knowledge, a worst case predicated not on fact but upon hatred and fear.
One would think that somewhere in the time spent and wasted endlessly searching the internet for scandal and lies about the Catholic Church they would at least make an effort to fact check or at least apply common sense.
———I’ve never listened to EWTN but if homosexuals find “comfort” in their broadcasts and “uncomfortable” with others that should tell us something, shouldn’t it?-——END
I missed that in the article. Where did EWTN give comfort to homosexuals?
———For the Catholic Church to relegate it to nothing more than impulse to be surpress, the Catholic Church does not encourage people to seek God’s help in solving this issue or do they call it for what it is-sin. They are false teachers leading people not to see God’s perfection but encouraging them to excuse their own sin-——END
The Catholic Church is, well, catholic. Catholic just means universal, the same always and everywhere. The Catholic Church never taught that homosexuality is “nothing more than impulse to be surpress”. If you see anyone teaching this novelty, they are not Catholic in line with what the church has always taught. They are no different than the persoanl opinions of liberal Protestants. If you can find any Catholic authority, say 50, 100, 200, 500, 1000, years ago, teaching that error, then you’d have a valid pointt, since it has always been, the teaching is universal (catholic).
Homosexuality has always been classified by the Catholic Church as one of the four sins which cry out to Heaven for vengeance. Moreover, even lusting, is considered by the Catholic Church to be a mortal (sould killing deadly) sin, equivalent to having done the act itself!
Perhaps you miss it in the response in #14 for which I was originally referring to. Bronxville happened to state:
The Catholic Church never taught that homosexuality is “nothing more than impulse to be surpress”. If you see anyone teaching this novelty, they are not Catholic in line with what the church has always taught.
Yes, this is a typical Catholic answer that many of us Protestants have come to expect. "The Catholic Church never taught.... [fill in the blank]". From Wikipedia:
Desires are nothing more then lust. As our Lord Jesus tells us that even if you look at another woman with lust in your heart you have sinned. That can be applied to any vice. The Church teaching is contrary to God's word.
Homosexuality has always been classified by the Catholic Church as one of the four sins which cry out to Heaven for vengeance. Moreover, even lusting, is considered by the Catholic Church to be a mortal (soul killing deadly) sin
I would say that you are in disagreement with Church teaching but are accurate in your interpretation of scripture.
In context: -
Article - > “By this point I had my fill of old-school CHRISTIAN TALK RADIO, especially the ANTI-CATHOLIC sentiments often expressed, and on occasion, l found myself watching CATHOLIC TELEVISION instead. I was surprised to hear ALMOST NONE OF THE BIGOTRY I HAD BEEN LISTENING TO and was amazed at the LEVEL OF KINDNESS AND RESPECT SHOWN TO EVERYONE, FRIEND OR FOE-WHILE MAINTAINING TRADITIONAL CATHOLIC STANCES.” (my emphasis)
bronxville - > EWTN does show the utmost respect to all of our fellow Christians. I can’t say whether it’s returned as I don’t listen to any other religous (sic) media tough (sic) do notice a distinct uncharitable flavor towards Catholics from some groupies on this forum.”
HarleyD - > “Rather it sounds like they cater to those who have “itching ears”. The scriptures are meant to convict the soul-not pacify it. It is to show how far short we have fallen from God’s standard and to ask Him for His grace to overcome our sinful nature. Those who show “respect” to Christians without convicting the soul are doing them, and God, a disservice. Please remember the Jews in Jeremiah’s time found their greatest comfort through the priests in the Temple of God who told the people just what they wanted to hear. Jeremiah on the other hand wanted nothing to do with it and rightfully warned of God’s wrath that was to come-especially hard on those who practice such deceit.”
bronxville - > “Agree for the most part - we differ with the methodology.”
THE END
TODAY
HarleyD - > “I THINK it is safe to say that if a homosexual finds comfort from EWTN, then EWTN gives comfort to homosexuals. This SEEMS to be simple logic.” (my emphasis)
bronxville - Thanks for giving me the opportunity to correct my spelling errors - > religous = religious; tough = though
PS: http://iol.ie/~hlii/catechism.html
In Roman Catholicism, homosexual acts are considered contrary to natural law and sinful, while homosexual desires are considered “disordered” but not themselves sinful. -——END
Wikipedia is not the Catholic Church. Moreover, this line
“while homosexual desires are considered “disordered” but not themselves sinful”, can't be found in any Catholic teaching prior to the 1960’s, it is a novelty, nothing more than newspeak, liberal double speak, which is undefined. It can mean different things to different people. No matter what any Catholic will tell you, it is not catholic (universal), moreover, it is not clear. What exactly constitutes a “homosexual desire”? Is it different than lusting? It has to be, or else it's a mortal sin. Do you see how it is meaningless.
I can perfectly understand why a God fearing conservative Protestant would think this liberal double speak “teaching” is hogwash. I agree 100%. However, it's not Catholic.
Thank you. A lot of the misinformation on both sides is willfully made by those who seek to divide Christians (not HarleyD) and we each believe the distortions made of the others
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