Posted on 04/01/2011 8:31:24 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
St. Charles priests regularly conduct same-sex baptisms it was revealed this week, as Christening Season gets under way and there is renewed concern about the lead content in water used to perform the rite. Following a surge of infants competing for prime Saturday morning baptism time slots this spring, the frequency of same-sex baptisms has not gone unnoticed. "Last weekend, I baptized Chris, Pat and Sandy, who were all the same sex," said associate pastor Father Mendez. Although the Vatican has taken a strong position opposing same-sex marriage, it has not made a formal determination on the potentially explosive issue of same-sex baptisms. "We'll have to do a thorough review of Scripture and canon law before making a decision on this," wrote Cardinal Ratslinger, head of the Office of Holy Cow! Issues, in a text message on his Palm Sunday Pilot personal digital assistant. In the meantime, Jamie and Shaun Smith, proud parents of six-week old Casey, and Madison and Kennedy Jones, parents to Taylor, two months, are booked for next Saturday.
Of greater concern to most parishioners, however, is the level of lead in the Arlington water supply. While not as high as the lead content in Washington, DC, water, Arlington water could knock an infant unconscious during a baptism should a chunk of lead emerge from the pitcher of holy water. A spokesman for the Arlington diocese told parents there was no cause for alarm now that local priests have been instructed in the Cana Filtration Process (CFP), whereby ordinary tap water is changed into a delicious, full-bodied wine and then transformed into holy water. "We don't know why exactly," mused the spokesman, "but in CFP the lead content just disappears as the liquid changes properties. We're looking into ways to have a similar effect in removing nuts and raisins from baked bread in the creation of communion wafers."
Although the Vatican has taken a strong position opposing same-sex marriage, it has not made a formal determination on the potentially explosive issue of same-sex baptisms. "We'll have to do a thorough review of Scripture and canon law before making a decision on this...."
Oh good grief.
This one took me a minute. :-/
Don’t feel bad. It took me a couple minutes to figure out it was just humor.
I’m still trying to figure why we don’t transubstantiate the lead in the water into gold. Seems like a win/win.
LOL!
The Pope has forbidden Baptism to twins of the same sex who are the children of same sex couples in churches which contain statues of Sts. Cosmas and Damien and are located in Minnesota.
A Vatican spokesman who declined to identify himself, said that ".. a Papal dispensation is available if the godparents are themselves twins, or Twins fans." In fact, he said it was a "Lead Pipe Cinch."
BTW, The Tiber River has very high levels of lead, which has actually been of benefit to the Papacy, as Roman mobs no longer throw unpopular Popes into its waters because of Italian EPA rules on exposure to the toxic metal.
Nice touch with Minnesota; the home of the Twin Cities!!!
Homos aren't suppose to breed. They're thwarting nature. The sins of the mother/father/whatever will be passed on to their children, who will suffer because of it.
Satan's greatest trick is to get people to believe he does not exist. These kids will blame God, government, and each other, while evil continues to go on it's merry way. These children will be taught not to blame their parents, but their conscience will know better. It will cause a lot of distress in their lives down the road, and they won't understand why they don't fit into the natural world.
These kids are doomed unless someone or something moves into their lives to save them.
It’s impossible to save most of them. The leftists are everywhere and their numbers grow with each passing day.
It’s pretty easy to rationalize the existence of evil but I cannot comprehend how a supposedly loving God could allow these lives to be completely doomed from the very moment of conception. Most of them will be taught absolutely nothing but evil and corruption. Whatever good was implanted in them by the divine will be totally destroyed before they even reach adulthood. They will know nothing but perversion, hatred, and madness. Those who can teach them otherwise will simply never find them in time.
I’ve met the children of same-sex couples while in college. I tried to explain to them that there is more to life than sexual and physical pleasure. It made no difference. I could tell that they were trying their best to be open minded but they simply could not comprehend anything outside of the leftist worldview. They are doomed. Completely doomed forever.
Also, just because the Pope is no longer Polish, do not assume your scandalous freeper handle has gone unnoticed by Vatican Authorities.
Heavens to Betsey, I was just busted all the way down to Monsignor myself. The Pope has informed me that he was never Polish!
Nonetheless, kielbasa is forbidden to you for the remainder of Lent.
Just whatever you do, don't make him go without Bigos.
Pardon me a secular question on this holy thread, my Children, but is it true that Polish food is so packed with energy, that it can be substituted for nuclear fuel?
Not sure about that; but certainly there’s enough grease in it to fuel a fleet
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