Outsourced prayer lines confuse callers [Satire alert]

DES MOINES — Last month, Lori Danes, 43, called the prayer line of a major television ministry and requested prayer for her mother's persistent ulcers. But her prayer representative, who called himself "Darren," prayed in a strong Indian accent that "all the gods would bless her mightily."

"I was stunned," Danes says. "It was like I'd called a demon prayer line." The manager of India Prayer Solutions, located in Mumbai, India, apologized for the incident and fired the employee who, he said, had not been properly trained. But dozens of similar incidents have rattled U.S. callers since major ministries began outsourcing their prayer lines to India. The ministries insist they are overwhelmed by the growing number of calls for prayer.

"There aren't enough Americans willing to sit in the prayer tower and take calls anymore," says a prayer coordinator at a major ministry which jobbed out its prayer lines last year.

Rich Douglas of Orem, Utah, called a prayer line for the first time this month, requesting prayer for his wife's cancer. His prayer partner, "Stephanie," took him through a series of prayers that felt "pretty clinical," says Douglas. "I definitely didn't sense the Spirit. It sounded like she was reading from a script."

"Stephanie," whose real name is Reha Jain, is a Hindu woman who works at a call center in Mumbai and has prayed with "many satisfied prayer customers," she says. "It's like my old job at a Microsoft call center. The caller is happy if you deliver quality customer service."

Her fellow worker Rajneesh Tuwalla likewise had never heard of a single U.S. ministry, but was "sick of working at the Sprint call center," he says. "The customers always got angry about their bill."

Tuwalla landed a job at a prayer center and learned to pray "Christian prayers" by watching Kenneth Copeland.

"All the TV preachers pray good, but Copeland prays the best," says Tuwalla, who mimics Copeland's style on the phone with callers. Like many service reps, he uses an American name while on the job. In Copeland's honor, Tuwalla calls himself "Ken." MO< Tuwalla has heard the rumors that U.S. ministries may repatriate their call centers. He hopes it isn't true. At his Sprint job he would have to "run around the block and maybe pull the head off a stray chicken" to settle down every night because of the stress he felt serving demanding U.S. customers. But the prayer center job is more relaxed.

re: I am a Christian, but I find this hilarious

Amen! I haven't laughed as hard in weeks!

I would love to have been at the deacon's meeting where that decision was made! I can hear them now, “What could possibly go wrong?”

My wife and I are convinced the world is slowly but surely grinding to a halt. Almost nothing works like it should any longer. Some things just do as well, but others have ground to a full stop. It's so rare to deal with a company or complete a transaction and have it go without hitch that I make it a point to tell people who've done their job well how rare that is and how some of us, usually the old pharts, do know the difference!

I don't know how we go about making it happen but the only solution I see is to bring all those jobs back to America and simply pay what it costs to have it done here. The transition would be hell on Earth, but after a while the laws of business would start to take over again and those who can't hack it will be weeded out. I try never to call customer support and make it a point to get off the line right away if it's obvious I'm talking to someone who barely speaks my language. I know it's probably rude, but not nearly as rude as I get when I've wasted 20 minutes trying to make sense of what they're telling me, after I've wasted 20 minutes while they try to make sense of what I'm telling them. Then there's the 20 minutes when neither of us has any idea what the problem is or how to address it.

I've posted this before, but I think this thread warrants a re-posting for those who might have missed it. It does a great job of explaining our frustration:

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”.

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service : “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”

Guest : “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”

Room Service: “ Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???”

Guest: “Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs.”

Room Service: “Ow July den?”

Guest: “.....What??”

Room Service: “Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?”

Guest: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please.”

Room Service: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”

Guest: “Crisp will be fine.”

Room Service: “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”

Guest: “What?”

Room Service: “An toes. July Sahn toes?”

Guest: “I.... don't think so.”

RoomService: “No? Judo wan sahn toes???”

Guest: “I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”

RoomService: “Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”

Guest: “Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying ‘toast’... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

RoomService: “We bodder?”

Guest: “No, just put the bodder on the side.”

RoomService: “Wad?!?”

Guest: “I mean butter... just put the butter on the side.”

RoomService: “Copy?”

Guest: “Excuse me?”

RoomService: “Copy...tea..meel?”

Guest: “Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything.”

RoomService: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??”

Guest: “Whatever you say.”

RoomService: “Tenjooberrymuds.”

Guest: “You're welcome”

Remember I said “By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ‘TENJOOBERRYMUDS’ “......and you do, don't you! PS I'm sure you can just imagine the fun the spell checker had with this!!

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